


Love Denied

by ditzybea



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-20 04:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 79,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ditzybea/pseuds/ditzybea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set just after Noah's accident. Luke and Noah's relationship is barely hanging on by a thread, neither man knowing how to fix it. Can they repair what has occurred between them before it's too late?</p><p>Luke decides to do something to save himself, but will it sacrifice them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Co-Existence

Noah walked through the quiet house that had become his home nearly three months previously. It was a move that he did not want. The accident on the set of his student film took his eye sight and forced him into this situation. These months following the accident his eye sight had not improved much. His vision was still nearly non-existent. He was only able to see light changes. So instead of pitch blackness, it was now a dim darkness. He was still unable to do many things on his own. All the little things that everyone else takes for granted; like going for a walk outside, or shopping at the grocery store, or watching TV. Anything that involved him having to see, he stopped doing all together. He had been given a leave of absence from OU. All of this video editing for his student film stopped the night before the accident. He wasn't even sure where he fit into the world right now.

His right hand was out stretched, feeling along the wall as he moved down the hallway towards the den in Lily and Damian's house. His hearing had greatly improved since his eye sight was gone and he heard something that gave him pause. He turned the small corner and into the room. He knew that there was someone in the room, but the room was dark; that much he could tell.

"Hello?" he said into the room as he reached for the light switch on the inside of the door. Noah could see the light come on and he stepped into the room. He heard the person inside cough lightly and he heard sniffling. "Who's in here?" He asked again.

"It's just me," said the voice. It was Luke.

"Luke? What are you doing in a dark room by yourself?"

"Nothing. I dozed off earlier and I just woke up," he tried to cover and hoped that it worked. Noah could tell by Luke's voice that he was lying. Luke was wiping away the tears that were still on his cheeks as he stood to face Noah. Luke looked at the man that was everything to him and felt suddenly sad. They had not been themselves for months and he didn't know where they stood anymore.

If at all.

"Uh…did you need something?" Luke asked in a gruff voice. Noah suddenly felt uncomfortable, like he was interrupting something. Luke couldn't help but be hopeful at that moment. Had Noah sought him out for a reason?

"No. I was just going to say goodnight."

"Oh. Goodnight," Luke sounded so wounded and quiet. Luke turned back to the chair he had been sitting in and collapsed into it with his back facing Noah. Noah wasn't sure what to do. Part of him wanted to grab Luke and hold him until all of the pain was gone; his and Luke's. But the larger part of him just wanted to be alone, angry, and not have to see anyone. He just wanted to handle everything on his own and he always hated asking for help. And this accident only reinforced that fact. Noah turned to walk back to his room, but stopped just inside the doorway.

"Luke? Are you all right?" Noah asked and he could hear Luke sniffle twice before he answered.

"I'm fine. Goodnight Noah," he answered without turning around.

_Fine! He doesn't want to tell me then I don't care._ Noah thought to himself as he turned to go back to his room. _Scratch that – Luke's room. He didn't even have a place in this house that was really his._ He stopped one last time and stepped into the hallway. He was not three or four steps away from the den door when he heard the light switch click off and the door shut. He listened for a moment but heard nothing. He knew then that Luke had shut the lights off and closed the door.

Noah didn't know how to fix what had been broken between them. He wanted to go back to the way things were, but he just couldn't. He couldn't forgive Luke for what happened with Mason. He just couldn't get past the accident at the set while Luke was there. On some level, deep inside of him, he knew that the accident was not Luke's fault, but it was the "what if's" that plagued him still.

What if Luke had not been there distracting him?

What if they had not fought?

What if he had been able to have Mason on set that day?

All of these questions swirled in his head every day and the next week continued like this.

Noah finding Luke in the den every night, alone, in the dark. He knew that Luke was crying by himself every night, but still he did nothing. He didn't know what to do.

How did they get to this point?

They _**had**_ been able to talk about anything and everything. Each night in their apartment, after they made love, they would lay in the dark and talk until they fell asleep. Luke loved to hear about the places that Noah lived at before he came to Oakdale. Noah loved to hear about Luke's outrageous family. Both of them wondered if they would ever run out of stories.

It wasn't until Mason that they started to hide things from each other.

Noah didn't tell Luke about the side glances or flirting directed at him from Mason. He didn't tell Luke that he was flattered by the attention he got from the older man that he had grown to admire. Luke didn't tell Noah the real reasons behind his jealousy of Mason. That Luke was afraid that Noah would be charmed away by the professor. By the man that had more in common with his boyfriend Noah than Luke did. This division in their relationship had grown now to where they barely spoke to each other. Luke was there to help him with the day to day; take him to the doctor's appointments, help him map out the house in his head, but they never really talked anymore.

There was the afternoon of Thanksgiving, when Luke told him that he was going to be there whether he liked it or not. They had a nice conversation that day, but here it was, almost the middle of February, and they had fallen into a kind of co-existence without much else.

Noah didn't know how to break this cycle. But what he didn't know was, it was about to be broken for him.


	2. The Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very Snyder Christmas

Luke didn't want to do what he was thinking, but he needed to. He had picked Noah up from his therapy session and they were on the way back to the house. Well, he told Noah that he was at World Wide going over foundation work when in reality he had been waiting in the parking lot for Noah. Ever since the accident Luke had this uncontrollable need to be near Noah. As if the distance on that day, that awful day, contributed to Noah losing his eye sight. Luke knew that if he was close enough to Noah, nothing bad would happen to him again. So, he sat in his car for 94 minutes while Noah had a check-up and his therapy session.

Luke was driving, but not really; his mind was not on what he was doing. He was taking side glances at Noah from the corner of his eye. He had his iPod headphones in and had created a barrier around himself; blocking Luke out completely. Is it possible to hate an inanimate object? Because Luke was really starting to hate those little white ear buds. Since having Noah around lately was like being alone, Luke let his mind wander. He was thinking back to what they use to be and how they got here.

* * *

**Two Months Ago…**

Thanksgiving did not go as Luke may have wanted, but they had a nice afternoon. At least that memory got Luke through the next few weeks as they got closer to Christmas. Noah had opened up to him for those three lovely hours, but not since. As the days went on and Noah could still not see, his anger got heavier and heavier for Luke to carry. He would make little biting remarks and was a bit acidic when it came to what Luke was feeling.

But Luke never complained.

He bore the weight that was being placed on him and carried it as well as he could. On some level he hoped that Noah would go tired of trying to push him away and let Luke help him. It seemed that the only person that Noah would let near him was his mom Lily. Being raised to respect women like a good soldier, Noah never did speak harshly to her. She even convinced him to go Christmas shopping. She was Noah's eyes so to speak. Lily later told Luke that they had a lovely afternoon and he really seemed to be handling things all right, considering. She also told Luke that Noah wanted her to keep careful track of all the money she spent. He was going to pay her back.

Here they were. At Snyder Farm about to celebrate Christmas. Emma had decided to make Christmas Eve much more low key than normal. The usual festivities included nearly thirty relatives and tons of commotion. She knew that Noah's new situation was the reason he was absent from Thanksgiving and it just killed her to not have him there. In a short amount of time, he had become deeply ingrained in the family. It was all so unnatural now not to have Noah at the dinner table.

Her plan to keep Christmas Eve much smaller was quickly approved by all the other members of the Snyder family. Their usual ruckus and mayhem was going to be reserved for Christmas Day. Lily, Holden, Faith, Natalie, Ethan, Luke and Noah were the only guests for dinner this night. Luke had mentioned that Noah was very self-conscious about his new condition. Emma hoped to give Noah a bit of old normal to go with his new normal or however Luke described it.

They arrived just after four and dinner was almost ready. Holden brought the kids from their mother's and they tore through the kitchen door and into the parlor straight to the tree for present shaking. Lily arrived with Luke and Noah; she came in just after the kids. When Luke got out of his car and helped Noah get to the porch, Emma breathed a large sigh of relief. She suddenly felt like a mother welcoming her son back from war. As soon as he set foot on her doorstep, she pulled him into a hug.

"There is my boy," she said in a soft voice in Noah's ear. Those loving words caused Noah to tighten his hold on the older woman that he had come to love very much. It was a heartwarming sight to all in attendance.

She pulled back a bit and took a long look at him as she took his face in her hands. His scars from the explosion had healed so that nearly nothing was left. His signature blue eyes were still there, thank God. That was one feature that the women at her church went on and on about. _That lovely young man with the Paul Newman eyes_ , was how one friend described him. It made Emma a bit sad to see them though, that sparkle was gone. The one that Luke had put there was nearly out. She gave her grandson a quick look over Noah's shoulder. She and Luke shared an understanding in that look. Her hands settled in Noah's and he gripped them tightly.

"Well, let's go inside now before we all catch our death out here," she said and then quickly ushered them inside. She winked at her grandson as he brought in the rear. He could not help but smile at her. Luke was amazed how she always was able to make things look better. A trait she shared with Noah.

* * *

Noah was sitting down at the table listening to the noises around him and taking in the atmosphere. He could hear Ethan telling Holden about the yucky girl that kissed him at pre-school. Natalie and Faith were rattling on about the Jonas Brothers Christmas Concert that they were going to watch after dinner. Lily and Emma were behind him at the island getting food together. The one voice he didn't hear was Luke's. He strained his hearing to see if he could find him.

Luke was standing at the island looking at Noah's back and wishing so many things about their relationship. He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear his grandma step next to him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and gave him a hug.

"Luke, are you feeling all right? You look a bit pale not to mention much too thin,"

"I'm fine grandma," he answered quickly. He was hoping that was the end of the conversation; at least tonight. Noah heard the exchange between them and his interest was piqued. He made a note to ask Luke about it later.

"All right everyone. Let's all sit down. Dinner's ready," Emma called out and everyone made for their chairs. Noah sat back in his seat and listened to all of the chairs around the table screech against the floor, away from table and then back again. He was still amazed how his other senses had managed to pick up for his lack of sight. "Well, it is so nice to have the family here to celebrate this special night. I am very glad to have Noah well and at my table again. I missed you so much at Thanksgiving and I am so happy that you decided to come tonight," Emma said as she saw Noah smile.

"Thanks for having me," Noah replied back. His smile grew even bigger. He felt a loving pat on his back and leaned into it.

"Holden, would you please say grace?"

"Sure mama,"

Noah felt a hand slip under right hand. The fingers were long and slender and wearing a very large ring. That hand belonged to Lily, so that meant that Luke was to his left. Part of him dreaded holding hands with him. Would he notice that Noah's hands were sweaty? He swallowed twice before he felt a hand slip into his left. The hand was much smaller and he felt a beaded bracelet against his wrist. Faith was sitting to his left. Luke was not near him. Noah felt his heart clench just a bit, but pushed it away as Holden begun his prayer. This was first time; the first Snyder family meal that Luke was not sitting next to him. Even when they were broken up last Thanksgiving, they sat right beside each other, but not tonight. He was thinking about this so intently that he didn't even hear everyone say amen. He knew the prayer was over when his partners pulled their respective hands away, bringing him back to earth.

Dinner went well. Lily and Faith both took great care of Noah as he ate. They made sure that he knew what was on his plate and that his drinking glass was full. Luke watched from across the table and smiled at his mom and sister. He was so lucky to be in a family that cared so much. He could have been Casey with a strained family or even Maddie whose older sister tried to kill her. He was indeed lucky and every time he looked at Noah he felt that more and more. He finally found a way to get back into Noah's good graces. His gift was wrapped and tucked away in his coat that hung in the closet.

Everyone made their way into the parlor for presents. Now, Emma was always a "Presents on Christmas Day" woman. She once told a whining Holden and Seth that, "Jesus didn't get his gifts until Christmas Day. And if Jesus could wait, so could they," But considering the circumstances of the evening, she decided to break her rule for one night.

Ethan, Faith, and Natalie were all excited by the gifts that they got from Noah. Natalie loved the friendship bracelet braiding kit she got and promised Noah that he would get the first one. Ethan cheered and jumped around when he got his new play set for that squid show he loved so much. Faith was harder to shop for. He bought her a silver charm on a long silver chain. He could hear how excited she was when she opened it, but tried to play the unimpressed teen. He decided to throw in a iTunes giftcard to make his gift a bit "cooler".

Luke didn't open his gifts. He was too excited to give Noah his. He just couldn't wait anymore. He sat down across from Noah and lightly brushed his knee to get his attention.

"Can I borrow you for a minute? I want to give you your present,"

"I, ah, Ethan wanted to explain why his gift was better than Faith and Natalie's," it was a lame excuse and he knew it.

"It will be quick. I wanted to give it to you in private," Luke's knee was bouncing in response. He just could not contain his excitement. He bit his lip to keep his smile from extending too brightly.

"All right. But just for a minute," he said as Luke helped him to his feet and into the kitchen. They could hear the kids carrying on as they left them. Luke helped Noah into a chair and went to get his gift. He finally found his coat and pulled the small square package out. Luke came back into the room and pulled a chair to face Noah; their knees just barely touching.

"Ok. It took me a while before I was able to get this. So here it is," he placed the package in Noah's hands and waited for him to pull the blue paper off.

"You didn't need to wrap it. It's not like I can see what it is," Noah remarked plainly. Luke couldn't help but laugh very lightly.

"I know. But the fun comes from pulling the paper off,"

Noah smiled one of his half smiles; one his uses when he doesn't want anyone to see him smile. He then pulled the paper off and held the flat plastic square in his hands.

"Ok, Luke you're gonna have to help me now. A cd?"

"Well, I thought and thought about what to get you and then it hit me," Luke said as he lightly placed his hands on top of Noah's. He could feel Noah tense up before he relaxed.

"I finished your movie,"

" **YOU DID WHAT?!** "


	3. Accident

Luke recoiled at the level of Noah's voice. He pulled his hands away and fought the urge to push his chair back as well. Noah's brow was furrowed and he was breathing heavy. Luke could swear that he saw Noah shaking.

"You did what?!" He asked again in a more in control voice.

"I finished your movie for you," Luke answered in a quiet tone. He had never seen Noah this angry. Well, that wasn't true. The last time he was this angry was the night of New Year's Eve when Luke kissed Brian. Noah stood up quickly and the chair he was in fell back and hit the floor.

"How could…why would you do that?!" Noah was gripping his cane in his hands; almost wringing it. He was holding onto his anger, but how could Luke have done something like this? It was Noah's, his alone. Luke had no right to even touch it.

"I used your script and your notes. I even made sure to include your crew on every decision,"

Holden stepped into the doorway of the kitchen and watched his son and his boyfriend for a moment. Holden heard the raised voices and he was actually afraid for Luke. Noah's temper and obvious disdain for Luke was increasing as the days went on. With Luke's blind faith in Noah and his recovery, Holden was afraid that Noah may hurt Luke, physically. Luke did not see his dad standing there. He was too busy following Noah motions.

"I have to get out of here," Noah said and turned towards the door. It was a good thing that he knew the kitchen so well. His memory of the path to the door became invaluable at this very moment. Noah was quickly out the door and standing in the yard. Luke followed quickly behind him.

"Noah, please wait. Let me explain,"

"Explain what? You want to be included every aspect of my life now? I wasn't needy enough before, now you have to have this too?" He yelled as he held the DVD in front of him. Noah threw the plastic case to the ground and it splintered into several pieces. Luke was close, Noah could smell his aftershave and almost feel the heat coming from him. "Why Luke? Why did you need to do this to me?"

"I just wanted to fix it,"

"Did you ever think that maybe I don't need fixing? Maybe you cannot fix this!" Noah screamed. Suddenly Luke wondered what he meant.

He couldn't fix the movie.

Or he couldn't fix Noah.

Or he couldn't fix them.

Noah turned to walked away and Luke grabbed his arm to stop him. He needed to explain and he didn't want Noah to wander off in the dark by himself. He was about to suggest that Noah take a walk, with his dad or mom or Emma, when Noah wretched his arm away. Not realizing how close they truly were, Noah's closed fist around his cane connected with Luke mouth. The force of the hit knocked Luke back and on the ground. Holden, who had been watching from the porch, ran out to his son. Luke was sitting on the ground, holding himself up by his elbows.

"Luke!" Holden yelled as he crossed the lawn. He kneeled next to Luke and looked at him. There was a sharp cut on his mouth and it bled almost instantly. Holden looked up at Noah and saw him with nothing but concern on his face.

"What happened?" Noah asked. He felt something happen and then heard Holden shout. What had he done to Luke? Just as the question came out of the Noah's mouth, he could hear footsteps crunching down on the frozen ground.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked as she came on the scene. She gasped as she saw her son holding his hand to his mouth and blood trickling onto the snow. Noah heard that gasp and his heart started pounding _. Would someone please tell me what I did?_

"I'm fine. Ok, I'm fine," Luke said as he tried to calm everyone's nerves, especially Noah's. Hearing Luke's voice helped ease a bit of his anxiety, but only a bit.

"Let's get you in the house and cleaned up," Holden remarked as he stood to help Luke up.

"Make sure Noah's ok," Luke whispered to his mother before he was taken into the house by Holden. Noah heard Luke and his heart sunk. Luke was hurt and the first thought he had was for Noah. Lily took Noah's arm and directed him into the house. Noah fought back the tears that wanted to come out.

"Mom, what happened? Why is Luke bleeding?" Natalie asked as she passed her brother as he came into the house. Lily felt Noah falter slightly after he processed Natalie's question. Lily gripped his arm tighter and brought Noah into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and slumped back. "Go back inside sweetie. Isn't your show starting now?" Lily said in hopes of distracting her young daughter. Natalie nodded and went back into the parlor.

"Do you need anything?" Lily asked Noah.

"I just want to go home," he said in a very quiet voice. Lily nodded and lovingly brushed Noah's arm. She walked to the downstairs bathroom, just off the kitchen, and pushed open the door. Luke was leaning against the counter as Holden dabbed peroxide on the cut.

"Luke you may need stitches," Holden voice drifted out of the bathroom. Lily frowned at her son and tapped Holden shoulder.

"I don't need stitches. I have to check on Noah," Luke said and started to pull away from his dad.

"Would you sit still?" Holden demanded. Luke admitted defeat and slouched back against the counter.

"I'm going to take Noah back to the house. I think he just wants to be alone,"

"Fine," Holden said curtly.

"I can take him," Luke chimed in.

"No," Holden said quickly. "I need to finish cleaning this," he added just as quick; even though they both knew Luke's wound wasn't the reason why he did not want his son alone with Noah.

Noah sat in the kitchen and kept gripping and re-gripping his cane tighter and tighter. His knuckles were white and his palms were burning. He could hear everything they were saying. He could hear the concern in Lily's voice and he could hear Luke wince in pain while his father tended to him. He somehow managed to hurt Luke and he may need stitches. He would never knowingly injure Luke like that. He hoped everyone knew that; especially Luke. Despite everything, he still loved the blond very much.

* * *

Noah sat in Luke's car and waited for Lily to come back from the house. He was going to wait to talk to Lily when they were on the road back to her house. The car door opened and she got in. She started the car in silence and slowly pulled out of the driveway. There were about a mile from the farm when he started to talk.

"Lily, you have to know that I would never hurt Luke on purpose. It was an accident,"

"Seems to be a lot of that going around," but the voice wasn't Lily's.

Holden was driving.

Noah felt his stomach drop and he swallowed back the bile that rose into his throat. He had always been a little intimidated by Mr. Snyder. He still could not bring himself to call him "Holden". And relationship Luke had with dad was so strong, Noah was afraid Holden could sway Luke either way in his and Noah's relationship. It almost seemed if Holden could convince his son, Noah would be out of Luke's life.

"It was an accident sir," Noah managed to get out.

"Sort of like your accident on the roof?"

"There is a difference," he stated but tried to sound too forceful or disrespectful.

"Really? You were arguing, one of you got hurt and the other is sorry,"

"But Luke can still see,"

"That's just schematics Noah," Holden said as he pulled into Lily's driveway and put the car in park. The lights were on. Lily must have just gotten home. He wanted to be alone with Noah for a little while and insisted that he drive him home. Holden also took a longer route to give them time to talk. He turned toward the younger man and took a deep breath. "Look. I know that Luke loves you very much and I'm sure you still love him, but lately it seems all you do is hurt him. Tonight is a prime example," Holden said and Noah opened his mouth to interrupt. "Let me finish. Whether it was an accident or not, you hit my son while you were angry. If this kind of thing ever happens again, I will make sure that you and Luke will no longer be together," Holden concluded. Noah nodded and did not say anything. Holden got out of the car and walked around to the passenger door. He opened the door for Noah and took his arm to help him into Lily's house.

Holden reached for the doorknob, but stopped and turned to Noah. He had one more thing to say.

"Look, Noah. I'm sorry if I came on a bit harsh, but Luke is my son. And no matter how much I care about you, I have to put him first. His health and happiness are my top priority. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Noah said in a soft voice. Luke's health and happiness use to be his top priority too. When did that change?

"Good," Holden then opened the door and helped Noah inside. Lily came out of the kitchen and helped Noah with his coat. "Where's Luke?" Holden asked.

"The kids wanted to stay at the farm tonight and Ethan insisted Luke stay with them," Lily answered.

"All right. Well, I'm going to go and check on him. You two have a good night. Merry Christmas," Holden said and walked out.

"Ok, Noah do you need anything?"

"I think I just want to go to bed," he said. He felt about an inch tall at the moment. His dad was a violent guy and Noah vowed to himself that he would never be like that. Ever. With anyone. Noah got ready for bed after Lily laid out some sleep clothes for him and said goodnight. Noah was lost in his thoughts as he changed.

Maybe Holden was right.

Maybe he and Luke shouldn't be together.

And that was the thought that kept going through his head as he fell asleep.

In Luke's bed.

Surrounded by Luke's scent.

Sleep did not come easy for him that night or any night after.


	4. Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up back at the Chapter Two timeline. Three months after the accident.

Now here they are. A little less than two months since that awful Christmas Eve and they are no closer than they were then. It felt like it was always one step forward and two steps back.

Luke pulled the car into the driveway of his mom house. And put it in park. He sat for a moment and it was Noah who spoke first.

"Luke? Are we at your mom's?"

It was as if Noah shook him awake. Luke looked at his boyfriend sitting next to him and his heart just hurt. All he ever wanted was for Noah to look at him like he use to. To stop blaming him and start forgiving him. Longer they stayed in this track the more Luke came to realize that they were not going to get back.

"Huh, oh yeah. We're here. Hang on, I'll get your door,"

Luke stepped out of the car and walked around to help Noah into the house. Lily and Damian were out to dinner and probably would not be home for some time. That gave him time to do what he needed to. He really did not want to do this. Noah was sitting in the living room listening to his iPod and Luke was in the kitchen making dinner. He wasn't hungry. He wasn't much of anything anymore. He barely slept, barely ate, barely lived. More than one of his family members had commented on his new, thinner appearance. He was beginning to not recognize his own reflection. His work at Grimaldi and the foundation were suffering. All of these things led him to one decision. This decision would not only affect him and Noah, but everyone else he knew and loved as well.

He brought some soup to Noah to where was sitting at the living room sofa and Luke sat back behind him as he ate. He ached to be near him. To touch him, hold him, kiss him, or even just laugh with him. He can't remember anymore the last time he even saw Noah's smile.

Luke felt so empty. He was sad and he couldn't even cry anymore. When Noah found him in the den, crying, a week ago, he thought that might be it. That Noah would push for them to be together, to fight for what they had and try to get it back. To reach out to him any form, in any way. But when he turned and walked away down the hall, Luke knew that his "Plan B" was something he had to do.

He talked to his mom, his dad, and Damian before he came to this decision. He even threw in equal parts Lucinda and Emma. He was making a big decision and he wanted to hear what everyone thought first. Get all the facts, so to speak. He didn't want to make a rash decision again. He had finally made his decision and now he had to tell the one person he had left. He left Noah for last because he knew that this was going to be the worst one. He could feel that Noah still loved him, he knew it. No matter how much Noah ignored him or belittled his feelings or rebuffed his advances; he knew it was still in there somewhere.

Noah knew that Luke was in the room with him. He and Luke had not really shared a meal since Christmas Eve. After Noah found out that Luke had finished his movie without telling him, he purposely kept a distance. He stopped trying to tell Luke not to hover around him. It just became repetitive and he knew that Luke wouldn't listen to him anyway.

Noah had just learned to ignore him instead.

Wait. Was that right?

Noah had learned to ignore Luke. The one person who loves him unconditionally. The person who stood up against his father, twice. The man who gave him his whole heart without asking for anything. And he had learned to ignore him. The realization of this made Noah not so hungry anymore. He pushed the bowl away from him and leaned back into the sofa. Luke saw this and stepped closer to him.

"Are you finished?" Luke asked in almost a robotic voice.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Suddenly not very hungry anymore," Noah said as Luke bent forward to clean up the dishes. Luke had to step closer to Noah to reach everything. He was so close that Noah could smell his shampoo and aftershave; this made his heart thump a little harder. Luke's leg bumped into his and Noah took in a small, but sharp breath. As soon as Luke felt his leg against Noah's, he apologized and stepped away quickly. Noah closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Luke was even afraid to touch Noah; afraid he might cross some invisible line or something. He needed to talk to Luke. Figure out some way for them to live in the same house and try to work things out.

But he didn't know where to start that conversation.

Luckily for Noah, Luke did.

"Noah, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Uh, sure. Its not like I have anywhere else to go?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to pull them back. What can't he stop doing that?

"Right," Luke took a shaky breath. "Can I sit next to you?"

"Luke. You don't have to…uh yeah," Noah gave up trying to say anything. He was afraid he might say something cruel again. Luke stepped around the couch and sat at the opposite end. Luke immediately had a rush of emotion. He remembered going to visit Noah at the cottage when he was still married to Ameera. Noah asked Luke to sit down with him and when he sat at the opposite end of the small sofa, Noah purposely made him move closer. He slid his right arm around Luke's shoulders; while Luke played with Noah's left hand in his lap. Those words he said to him ran through his mind. He looked at Noah sitting so far from him as those words played on a small loop.

_"I can't stand being around you and not touching you,"_

Luke had to bite back on the sob that wanted to come out. He had better get to this. His mom and Damian said that they would be back by six. Luke looked at his watch, it was quarter to five now.

"What did you want to talk about?" Noah said as he absently played with his cane. He was nervous and he couldn't understand why. It was just Luke.

"I just wanted to be sure that your therapy is going ok,"

"Ah, yeah. Dr. Johns and I are actually talking now,"

_Something we use to do._

"And your physical therapy is going ok?" Luke asked, almost like he was hesitating; putting off the inevitable.

"Yeah. Ah, my eyes are reacting to some light now and I may have to have surgery to see if the damage is repairable,"

"Well, that sounds routine, right?"

"Yeah, I might not even be asleep for it,"

"Well. That's good. Just make sure that you keep doing your therapy and make sure that you tell your doctors if something doesn't feel right. And make sure that my mom doesn't baby you too much. She tends to do that without even thinking…,"

Noah cut him off. "Wait, Luke. Why does not sound like you're leaving?"

"Because I am,"


	5. Leaving

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Noah asked as he turned his body towards Luke's voice. "Are you moving to the farm?" He asked with hope lingering in the background. _Please let that be what he means._

"No. I'm moving. As in away," he answered as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Luke let out a long shuddering breath. _Please don't cry. Not now._

"What do you mean away? Where?" His stomach was in knots and his heart was pounding out of his chest. _What did he mean he was leaving? He can't just leave._

"Chicago,"

"Why?" Noah's voice was so quiet he wondered if Luke could even hear him.

"It's something I need to do,"

"What does that mean?" Noah raised his voice and then wished he hadn't.

This was going to be as hard as he thought it would. Luke didn't want to do this. Not to Noah or his family, but he wasn't sure how he could explain it. Especially to Noah.

"It means…it means…that I have to do this. I've been just…existing lately. I can't be bothered with anything. I haven't been to work on the foundation in weeks. I don't sleep anymore. I have no appetite. I feel like I'm turning into a ghost," Luke was finally verbalizing everything that he knew to be true but did not want to say out loud. Saying all of this out loud suddenly made everything real. Almost too real. He tried, but the tears he was holding back were making themselves known. Noah wondered why hadn't he noticed.

"So, you're just going to leave? Just like that?" Noah asked, no demanded to know everything. Was there someone else? Noah struggled to stand up. He needed to be moving around right now. Luke followed him to his feet. He didn't want him to hurt himself. He looked into Noah's eyes and saw them swimming in unshed tears.

"No. Not just like that. I have been thinking about this for awhile now,"

"Really. When were you going to tell me?"

"When exactly would I do that? During one of the many conversations that we've had lately," Luke was being spiteful now and he didn't mean to be. He wasn't doing this punish Noah. He could see Noah swallow and his jaw clenched.

"You're just going to leave with your entire family here?" Noah was playing the family card. He knew how important they were to Luke and he was playing dirty pool to drag them into this.

"They don't need me. And you have made it very clear that you don't want me around anymore,"

"That's…not true," Noah said as his head dropped and he took in a long breath.

"Isn't it? You won't talk to me, you haven't touched me in months, the last time we kissed, was the day of the accident. You blame me and it's becoming quite clear that you can't forgive me. I'm starting to realize that you…," he hesitated. He didn't want to say it out loud.

"That I what?" Noah asked a voice that was louder than he intended.

"That you may never," Luke's voice shuddered as the words came out.

There he finally said it. The words that had been lingering in their relationship were finally spoken. Both of them had been thinking it, but it took Luke to vocalize them. The tears were coming at a regular rate now.

"Look, I'm not doing this to punish you. I'm really not. But I don't like the person that I am now. I'm not feeling anything and _**that**_ scares me. I'm afraid, if something happens…will I care if it does? I need to do this. It hurts me too much to be around you and not be with you. To see the look of contempt on your face. You have so many people here who love you and want to help you and take care of you. You don't need me,"

When Luke said those words, he hoped that Noah would contradict him. Tell him that he did need him. That he didn't want him to go. That everything was not lost and they could work this out.

But those words didn't come.

Luke bit down hard on his lower lip to keep it from quivering. This was it. This is how it ends. Maybe his dad was right, _"Sometimes, you figure out that things aren't meant to be anymore and you have to let them go,"_

Noah's head was still hanging low. He didn't know what to do or say. He didn't want Luke to leave, but he wasn't sure if he wanted him to stay. It was a harsh truth to admit to himself.

"Right. Um..I better get going,"

"You're leaving now?" Noah asked and his head shot up. For a second, Luke thought Noah could see him.

"Yeah. I'm already packed, my car is loaded and I don't want to hit any traffic. And you know how much I hate driving through Chicago at night," Luke was rambling now. His hand went to Noah's arm, almost of its own will.

Noah felt dizzy, like had been spun around and left to walk. He wanted to grab Luke and pull him close, but he couldn't move. He willed his body to do something. Scream; cry; shout; kiss him; anything! But he couldn't.

"Well, I better go. My mom will be home soon, so you won't be alone for too long," Luke said in a defeated voice. His hand was lingering on Noah's forearm. He was lightly brushing his fingers along the inside of his wrist.

"Will you call me, when you get…where you're going?" Noah asked, prayed the hopelessness in voice was not easily heard.

"I don't think that's a good idea. I think this time apart will be good for both of us. You can concentrate on your therapy and you won't have to dodge me anymore. Just…take care of you ok," Luke's hand slowly pulled away and that loss made Noah shiver slightly.

Hesitating and moving to him very slowly, Luke stepped closer to Noah. Noah could feel Luke's warm breath on his face. Luke was right in front of him. Luke stopped twice before he moved closer. His lips brushed against Noah's and they leaned into it. Both of them feeling their skin warm up. It was hesitative and cautious, like their first kiss.

This time it was Luke who pulled away first. He wanted to stay and keep kissing Noah, but he couldn't. His heart physically hurt that he could not be with Noah the way he wanted. Noah's forehead rested against Luke's for a moment and he heard Luke whisper ever so softly;

"Goodbye Noah,"

The next sound Noah heard was the door opening and then closing.

Followed quickly by his heart breaking and his strangled sobs.


	6. Apart

Luke had been driving for an hour before he realized that he was doing 90 in a 70. He had to pull over before he got in an accident. He pulled off into a roadside rest and put his car in park. He leaned back in his seat and let the crying start. He had been holding it off the entire time he was talking to Noah. He did not want to cry in front of him. But then how could he not cry? Noah didn't fight him; he didn't tell him to stay. He just accepted that Luke was leaving. Deep down he had hoped that Noah would tell him to stay. Petty, he knew that, but it was a test of sorts.

It was true. It was over.

He really didn't feel it until he closed the door on his car and started the engine. Maybe that old T.S Eliot poem was right.

_This is the way the world ends_

_This is the way the world ends_

_This is the way the world ends_

_Not with a bang but a whimper._

For as strong a connection the he and Noah had, Luke thought that nothing could pull them apart. Perhaps that was where Luke was wrong. It was nothing on the outside that drove them apart, but the people in the middle of it. Luke and Noah were to blame for the end of their relationship and no one else. Not Mason. No one, but them.

Luke let out a long breath and he saw vapor leave his body. It wondered how long he had been sitting there. His once warm car had gone cold. When Luke had finally calmed down enough so that he could see without tears blocking his vision, he started his car and drove the rest of the way to Chicago. He checked into a hotel and decided to call his new landlord in the morning. By the time he got checked in and to his room it was nearly 10pm. He had never felt so tired in his life. He was tired everywhere; in his head, his body and his heart. He collapsed onto the bed, in his jeans and t-shirt and rolled onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling and wondered how he was going to do this.

To get through this.

Since the first time he and Noah slept together, they were rarely apart at night. He would sleep at Noah's dorm or Noah would sleep at his place. Even when Luke moved back in with this mom after his dad "died", that had only been a week. Then after the accident, when Noah and he were sleeping in separate bedrooms, at least Luke knew they were under the same roof. Luke would go and look in on Noah during the night. Sit in the room and listen to Noah breathe; which was probably Luke's favorite sound. Especially the little sigh when he breathed out.

Now he was almost 200 miles away from Noah. How was he going to do this? He took out his cell phone and punched in a quick text. When he was finished, Luke rolled onto the right side of the bed and fell asleep, born from exhaustion.

* * *

Noah was not fairing any better.

Lily came home after a night out with Damian and found Noah in the same place Luke had left him. Noah was sitting on the floor of the living room. His head was hanging low and feet had fallen asleep long before. Lily knew that Luke wanted to be alone with Noah to tell him he was leaving. She and Luke had said their goodbyes earlier in the day. Luke just wanted to leave town with any fanfare or send-off. She slowly crept up to Noah and lightly rubbed his back to get his attention. She didn't want to startle him at all. He was already upset enough.

"Sweetie. Are you ok?" She asked in a very gentle, very soft voice.

"Luke's gone," he answered in an equally soft, sad voice. It was almost that of child and not a 22 year old man.

"I know honey. Here, let me help you up,"

With a little effort she helped him to his feet and over to the sofa. Noah sat and said nothing. Lily had her suspicions that Noah's reaction would be something like this. Her son and Noah had been a part of each other's lives for so long that this response was justified. She would have been surprised if it hadn't.

"Do you want or need anything?"

"How long did you know? That Luke was leaving," Noah asked as he fidgeted with his cane. His cane had quickly become his security blanket; protecting him. People rarely approached a person with a cane. Lily sat down next to him and let out a long breath. She was bracing herself for some shouting.

"About a week. He came to Damian and me and told us of his plans,"

"A week. Why didn't he or you say anything?" Noah asked trying not to get upset. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of her or shout at her.

"He wanted to make sure that he was making the right decision. And that you would be taken care of while he was gone,"

"What do you mean?" He asked and couldn't help but sniffle slightly.

"Well, he talked to me, Damian, Holden, Casey, Lucinda, and Emma before he made his arrangements. He wanted to be sure that everyone who cares about you would be able to take his place," she said as she took his hand in hers.

_No one can take his place._

Noah couldn't hold back the tears anymore and let them flow. He never wanted to be pitied or worried about. But right now he just wanted to be comforted. Lily wrapped her arms around him and held him as he cried. He buried his face in her neck and let go. He hadn't cried in some time. Not since the night in the hospital, when the nurses turned told him goodnight and he was suppose to be asleep. After he found out that couldn't see, that was the last time he had cried this hard. Lily said nothing and was just there for him. He allowed himself a few more minutes and then pulled himself together.

Ever the brave soldier.

"Are you hungry or thirsty? Need anything?" Lily brushed some hair behind his ear and looked into his tear-ridden blue eyes.

"I'm just real tired. I think I want to go to bed," Lily nodded and helped him to his feet.

Noah sat on his bed for a while he wasn't even sure how long. He started to change his clothes when he heard his cell beep. He slid to the bed side table and felt around until he found his vibrating cell phone. He flipped open the cell and heard the chime that he had a text message.

"One new text message," the canned phone voice responded. Faith had abducted his phone one afternoon and installed an app that read his texts to him. It also typed what he spoke into it. He pressed select and the text came through.

"I'm here. I miss you already. Goodnight," the robotic voice said back.

He knew it was from Luke.

But there was no "I love you". That realization stabbed straight through Noah's heart. He didn't even change clothes after that. He rolled over onto the left side of the bed and went to sleep.


	7. 14th Day

The next day Luke called his new landlord and made an appointment to see his new apartment. As he was getting dressed he kept thinking back to Noah. _How was he? Did he miss me? What was he doing right now? Did anyone remember that he had a doctor's appointment the day after tomorrow?_ It was in the middle of all these questions that it hit him. This time was about him. It wasn't about his mom or dad or even Noah. He came here to give himself a chance to breathe. To look back on the past few months and give himself some perspective.

Yes. That was right. That was the whole point of leaving home and the one person he loved more than any…

**STOP!**

New perspective. He could get through the day and not think about Noah. He could. Just concentrate on the things he needed to get together for his new place. First and foremost, the new place. He looked at his watch and realized he had about 30 minutes to get across town.

He walked into lobby of his new building and immediately struck by modern art and bright walls. The floors are a creamy marble and the windows were floor to ceiling and made the room seem much larger. He met the landlord and was shown to his new place.

The first thing that came into his head was "I want to go home!"

The walls were a sea blue with a modern flair. There was exposed duct work and varnished ceiling beams. All the rooms had hardwood floors in a soft honey color. There was only one window in the living room, but it was 15 feet tall and 12 feet across. The living room was in the shape of a triangle with said window as one side. Opposite the wall was a gas burning fireplace; Luke just thought that was wrong for some reason. The bedroom was above a small office sort of loft style, open to the living room below. This was the place for an artist or stock broker. This was not him. He was suddenly missing is tiny little apartment in Oakdale and then of course then he was missing Noah.

The landlord could tell by Luke's face that he was not loving the place.

"The building is pretty new. This unit was recently gutted and almost everything was replaced. All of the appliances are new along with nearly all of the fixtures and there is wireless internet throughout the whole building. So. What do you think?"

"It's great,"

"I'm not buying it. You sure?"

"It's not really me," Luke said and then suddenly lost his voice. He felt unsure about this whole idea; even more than this morning and last night and last week. He thought that once he had a place to stay and call his own that it would get easier, but he was really not feeling it. Maybe this "whole new perspective" thing was a big mistake.

"Look. I own another building. It's northwest of here in Humboldt Park. The building is a bit older, but I have a feeling that you wouldn't have a problem with that. Here's the address," he said as he handed Luke a slip of scratch paper. "I'll call my Super and have him open the place for you,"

"Thanks. I really appreciate this," Luke shook the man's hand and left for apartment two.

* * *

Luke met the Super in the lobby and was surprised that he wasn't much older than Luke. Scott was a 26 year old architect student at Lake Forest. He was just a bit taller than Luke with sandy blond hair, green eyes and an easy way about him. He sort reminded Luke of Casey. Scott had one dimple that appeared when he smiled; and that made Luke smile. Luke caught himself staring and blushed when Scott's eyes met his.  Luke cast his eyes around the lobby and felt himself relax.  The floors were hardwood and the walls were white with white wainscoating.  It reminded him of a few places in Oakdale.

This was more like it.

The building only had three stories with six units and was surrounded by trees. The two men walked up two flights of stairs and Scott opened the door to the apartment and Luke let out a breath. When Luke walked into the apartment and he could see Humboldt Park through the living room balcony doors, he breathed a sigh of relief. The bedrooms were plain, but classic; cream carpets and white walls. The kitchen was stainless steel with mahogany cabinets. It reminded him of his grandmother's kitchen. The floors were hardwood and there was another small balcony in the master bedroom. There was a fireplace in this one too, but a proper wood burning one. This made Luke smile for some unknown reason. He could feel his anxieties loosening up as he walked through the place.

Scott sat at the kitchen island and watched the cute blond walk around the place. It was about time someone cute, and gay, moved into the building. There was that cute history professor on the third floor, but he was too far into the closet for Scott to mess with right now. He couldn't help, but give Luke the once over when he met him. His hair hung over his forehead slightly and he had the warmest brown eyes Scott had ever seen. He looked like he worked out a bit and had a sort of carefree way about him.

Yes, he hoped that this hottie would be his new neighbor.

"So, what do you think?"

"Well, I like this place much more than the last one," Luke said and then smiled. Scott could help but return that smile.

"There's one more spot on the tour. Come on," Scott said and opened the front door. He walked down the hall, through a door at the end of the hall and went upstairs. They passed the third floor and went up onto the roof. There was a rooftop deck and patio there. It was a sort of oasis in the desert. There was a long canopy secured to posts that ran the entire length on one side. This was the place for barbeques and parties. But in the middle of February, Luke was using his imagination to picture it. It didn't take long for Luke's teeth to clatter. "It's not much to look at now with six inches of powder, but in the Summer everyone is up here. So what do you think?"

"I think I'll take it," Luke said as he gave his new surroundings one more look. Scott tried to hold in the back flips he was doing inside. He was excited to get a bit of new blood in the building, not to mention hot bit at that.

"Great. I've got the paperwork for you to fill out. It's in my apartment on the second floor. Come on before we freeze to death," Scott announced and opened the door for Luke. On the outside he was appearing chivalrous, but really he was wanting to see Luke's ass again. They made their way back to Luke's new place and started to fill out the paperwork. Luke was signing this and initialing that, it wasn't until he saw the date that he panicked.

"Is it really the 14th?"

"Um, yeah. I guess so. When you're single you forget about those dates," that was Scott's subtle way of telling Luke that he was single. Luke quickly fished out his cell and called his mom. She answered on the fourth ring and was excited to talk to her oldest.

"Hello, sweetheart! How's Chicago?"

"Great, um mom, did a package arrive today addressed to Noah?"

* * *

Noah woke up and for a split second he had to remember what had happened yesterday. He lay in his bed and took in long slow breaths. He had to tell himself in and out, in and out. He just did not want to think about Luke today. After yesterday he wanted a day where nothing happened. He stayed in his sleep clothes and made his way down to the kitchen. When he lived with Luke, he would sometimes hang out in his comfy clothes all day, but now that he was living with Lily, he would change into his regular clothes as soon as he got up. Today he was making an exception.

As soon as he stepped into the kitchen, he could smell coffee drifting through the air. He took in a long sniff of the air and walked up to counter. He had been practicing pouring water into a glass, but not with a hot liquid. He placed a mug on the counter and carefully begun to pour the coffee. As soon as he felt heat under his fingertip, which he placed on the cups edge, he stopped. Not bad for his first try.

_Look out Java._

"Good morning Noah. How did you sleep?" Lily asked as she came into the room.

"Fine, woke up quite a bit. Where is everyone?"

"Damian is at the office. The girls are in school, Ethan is at Emma's, and my mother is at WorldWide. Did you want some breakfast?"

"I'm not really hungry,"

"You need to eat. Tell you what, I'll make my famous scrambled eggs and some toast. Think you could handle that?"

"Sure," he laughed slightly and sat down at the breakfast table. He was learning not to fight Lily on everything. He hated be waited on and now that Luke was gone…

His train of thought stopped mid-stride.

Luke was really gone.

**NO!**

None of that. He had to get through today. If he could get through the first day, and then the next, and the day after that, he may be able to get through Luke leaving. He sipped his coffee while he listened to Lily's humming as she cooked. He was really glad that she had taken him in. The adoption thing was a bit weird, but he did now have that strong connection of belonging. A place to call home. He was lost in thought and didn't even notice Lily had placed a plate in front of him until he smelled the butter on the toast and the pepper sprinkled in the eggs.

"Eat up. You and I are going to get out of this house today," Lily announced and sat down across from him. Noah laughed slightly and picked up his fork and took a bite.

"We are? Where are we going?"

"Nowhere. Anywhere. I just want to spend time with you,"

"I know what you're doing," he responded with a full mouth.

"I don't think I know what you're talking about,"

"You're trying to distract me. Because Luke left,"

"I, ah…,"

"It's ok. Thank you, but it would take a lot for me to forget that he's gone,"

"Well, being Luke's mother I'm glad to hear you say that. And being your _new_ mother, I just want to help you not be quite so sad,"

"I know and thanks. Did you have anywhere in particular that you want to do today?" He asked as he finished his breakfast. He and Lily had shared a really nice moment and Noah decided to put that in his back pocket for safe keeping.

Noah and Lily did indeed have a long day. They first went shopping for little things he needed, shampoo, aftershave, etc. They had a nice lunch at Al's, where Maddie spent most of shift hanging out with them instead of working. A stroll through the snowy park was finished by a coffee stop at Java. Jeff was excited to see Noah was still alive and kicking. No matter how bad things got, Jeff knew Noah could survive anything.

When Lily and Noah returned home they were met with a Fed-Ex driver with a delivery. The package was huge. Lily helped Noah into the living room and signed for said package.

"Did you order something?" Lily asked as she hung up their coats.

"No, why?"

"It's addressed to you,"

"Maybe I won a major award," he said quoting his favorite Christmas movie. The package was 18 inches by 30 inches, but only four inches deep. It was wrapped in brown mailing paper with Noah's name written across the middle. It was really heavy and Lily could not even lift it. Noah sat down on the sofa and Lily slid it in front of him.

Noah carefully pulled the paper off and waited for Lily to describe it.

"There's an envelope here," she pulled the envelope from the glass and really looked at. "Well, it's a movie poster and it's framed. It's a poster for _The Best Years of Our Lives_ ," Lily could not help but smile. Luke. Her son was a wonder.

"What does the envelope say?" Noah said as his hands slid across the frame. The wooden frame was heavy, but simple. It was meant to not distract from the art inside of it. He could hear Lily open the envelope and pull out its contents.

"Dear Noah. I am writing this after celebrating your birthday. I wanted to give you a gift that you would love and would be meant only for you. It was after watching this movie for the 10th time that I became inspired. I'm a writer. You'd think that I would have thought of it earlier. Anyways. I'm sure you noticed this right away, but the signatures at the bottom are of William Wyler and Gregg Toland. Just think, the director and cinematographer both touched this poster. I had planned on this being your Christmas present, but I wanted to be sure that it was authentic and that the frame was perfect. So, Happy Valentine's Day. I love you and I am so lucky to have you in my life. Love, Luke," Lily finished and carefully put the letter back in the envelope. Noah face was wet with tears. This was the most thoughtful gift he had ever gotten. He didn't know what to say. He didn't even remember that it was Valentine's Day.

Lily couldn't say anything. She lightly rubbed his back; giving comfort where she could. She could not even imagine how he was feeling or was thinking. It was the ringing of her cell that pulled her attention. She saw Luke's name and tried to put on a happy voice.

"Hello sweetheart! How's Chicago?

"Great, um mom, did a package arrive today addressed to Noah?" She could hear a bit of panic in his voice. Lily slipped into the kitchen to talk to him without Noah hearing just half of conversation.

"Yes, one did. He already opened it,"

"Ah, God! I totally forgot it was coming. I got it so long ago and after his accident…,"

"I'm sure that he knows that honey,"

"Can I talk to him? Is he there with you?" Luke asked as he looked down the hallway and saw Scott in the kitchen. Lily walked back into living room where she left Noah.

"Its Luke. He wants to talk to you,"

Noah took a deep breath while Lily put her phone in his hand. His cradled the phone in his palm; not sure what he wanted to do. Yes, he wanted to talk to Luke in the worse way, but what would he say? He decided to bite the bullet and put the phone to his ear. Hell, Luke spoke enough for both of them anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hi Noah,"


	8. The Call

"Hello?" Noah asked, trying to hide the trembling in his voice. Lily slipped back out of the room and into the kitchen. He could feel his adrenaline pumping. He had this same feeling when he first met Luke. That same feeling would course through him every morning when he would get out of truck and walked into WOAK; the anticipation of seeing Luke.

"Hi Noah," Luke responded with a breathless hitch in his voice. Like letting out a sigh. He slumped against the bed in the master bedroom.

"How are you?" Noah asked and then shook his head from left to right. He chastised himself for asking such an inane question.

"I'm ok. I miss home," Luke answered and begun to pace around the small bedroom. He wasn't sure if he should tell Noah that he missed him. Would that make this all the harder? Would that be selfish to make this about what he wanted or needed?

"I miss you too," Noah being who he was, knew Luke better than anyone. He knew what Luke was thinking at almost the exact same moment Luke did. Luke could not help but chuckle. Noah closed his eyes when heard that chuckle come through the line. It was such a soothing, pleasant sound that he had heard so rarely as of late. It was sort of like hearing one of your favorite songs coming out when someone else's cell phone rings. That sound that makes you stop what you're doing and just listen. Hoping that it plays just a bit longer.

"How are you?"

"Fine I guess. I just spent the entire day with _mom_ ," Noah said and laughed just a bit. "She's insisting that I call her mom. So I was trying it out today. I wish I could have seen the look on Henry's face," Luke could help but laugh brightly and out loud this time. Noah was amazed how much he missed that sound. That simple sound that was a constant up until this last fall.  "I think it makes her feel better; with you not here."

"I guess you got my present,"

"Yeah, I did,"

"Look, Noah. I managed to find it a long time ago and it took so long that I totally forgot about it. And I didn't realize that was Valentine's Day today. And…," quickly came from Luke. He was desperately backpedaling and trying to explain. He seemed sorry for the gift. Why was he sorry? Noah cut him off at the pass.

"I love it,"

"Really?" Luke asked, again with the breathless hitch.

"Of course. How could I not? I wish I could see it," Noah said.

"Yeah, I know," Luke's tone sounded so defeated. Why now he was bringing that up? Noah heard the tone in Luke's voice and suddenly felt awful. He did not mean that as a dig. He was not trying to hurt him with what he said. He wasn't trying to do anything.

Luke was starting to get upset and he didn't want to. He could feel his throat getting tight and his eyes were beginning to well up. He wanted to stay on and keep talking to just hear Noah's voice, but he was certain that if he stayed on the line any longer, he would be in full-blown tears. "Look, I better go. I just wanted to explain about the gift and I guess, wish you Happy Valentine's Day,"

"Sure, yeah, if you have to go," Noah said and he could feel his throat hitch just a bit. "Um, thank you Luke, I really do love it,"

"You're welcome. Bye Noah,"

"Bye Luke. Happy Valentine's Day,"

They each lingered for a few moments before Luke disconnected the call. Noah heard the faint click and then the phone went silent. He held it to his ear, as if Luke was still there. He finally gave up and closed the cell. He leaned back against the couch and let his head fall back even farther. How was he going to get through this?

Lily hadn't meant to be eavesdropping, but she did creep into the living room when she heard Noah's voice die off. She looked down at her adopted son and let out a long sad sigh. She felt such grief after they had split up, but she had been worried about Luke for some time. He had not been taking care of himself. All of his attention had been on Noah; maybe now he would put himself first for a while. Lily thought that this separation was a good thing. Each of them could fix themselves and then see if they would still fit together. They had such a strong connection, that even if they decided that they would not end up together, she knew that they would always be in each other's lives.

Somehow.

* * *

Luke slowly slid his phone closed and leaned against the footboard of the master bed. He could feel himself shaking. What was wrong with him? He had only been away from Noah for one whole day. On the logical, rational level in his mind, he knew that Noah's hold on him was bordering on co-dependence. But the crazy, jealous, irrational side thought what was wrong with that? All he really wanted was for Noah to hold him in his arms and whisper in his ear that no matter what, everything was going to be all right.

After taking amble time to get his composure, he walked down a short hallway and into the living room. To his surprise, Scott was still sitting there waiting for him. He was sitting at the kitchen island on one of the bar stools. He had taken his coat off and his sweater sleeves were pushed up to his elbows. His hands were clasped together and they were resting in his lap. Luke could just make out what looked like a tattoo picking out from under his sleeve on the inside of his forearm. It was just a plain black swoosh, like a tribal symbol of some kind. Luke's curiosity was piqued; from a writer's standpoint obviously. He suddenly wondered what else there was. Luke quickly stamped out that thought and cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry about that. It was important,"

"I could tell,"

"Does, uh, does all the furniture come with the place?" Luke asked as he fidgeted with is cell phone. He was having trouble getting the phone back in the pocket of his jacket. He had the irrational thought _"Who moved my pockets?"_   Scott rather enjoyed seeing him like this. He had seemed so carefree and confident, but he also seemed to be a bit of a doofus. A trait that Scott found extremely appealing. This Luke Snyder was going to be interesting to get to know.

"So, what else do I have to sign?" Luke asked and then let out a sigh; to sort of cleanse the body of stress.

"Just this last one. Right there at the bottom and date it too," Scott said as he pushed the last form towards Luke. He quickly skimmed down the sheet.

"So, who were you talking to?" Scott asked and immediately kicked himself for asking. What the hell was he doing? Why was he scaring off the first guy that he had been remotely attracted to in months?

"Oh, that was a Noah," Luke answered almost automatically. He swallowed when he realized that he had just revealed something very private to a complete stranger. He looked at back up at Scott and their eyes locked for a brief second. He swallowed again as he looked in those calming green eyes. "He's, uh, my brother,"

Luke saw Scott noticeably relax. Was that relief he saw on the young student's face?

"Right. Um, this all looks good. I'll make sure that big guy gets all this. Oh here you go," Scott reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He placed them in Luke's hand and purposely ran his fingertips against Luke's palm. Luke closed his hand around the keys and pretended not to notice the shivers in his arm.

Scott started for the door and turned back toward Luke. Luke was right behind him and they nearly collided. Scott smiled in amusement and took a step back. His palms were sweaty; he was never nervous.

"Did you have any plans for dinner?"

"Um, not really,"

"Did you want to get some pizza? There is a great place just down the street," Scott asked.

"That's really nice, but I have to get to my hotel and get my things before it gets too late. And I've had a rather big day and I'm really tired," Luke managed to come up with. He was surprised by how he was able to make it sound convincing. He was tittering on tears most of the time and did not want to be around anyone else right now.

"Some other time then. Well, welcome to the building Luke," Scott said and then held out his hand. Luke grasped Scott's hand and shared a handshake. Scott walked out into the hallway and Luke closed the door.

Luke looked around his new place and stopped mid-thought.

_Did Scott just ask me out?_


	9. Realizations

Noah sat in the waiting room of his therapist's office and fidgeted with his cane. He never thought he would be in therapy, but here he was at one at 10 o'clock in the morning. If his father knew that he was here, he would never hear the end of it. _"Therapy is for weak women and fags!"_ Quoting his father. If anyone needed therapy it was Winston Mayer. Looking back on how he was raised was it any wonder how Noah managed to get this far without therapy. Luke was a big part of how he was as sane as he was.

He was doing it again. 

He leaned his head back against the wall and let out a long breath; hoping to relax a bit.

Could he go one day without thinking about Luke? The sad thing was, he had gone for long periods of time where didn't think about Luke at all. And he was here then. But now?

He heard a door open and his doctor's voice.

"Noah, I am ready for you now," she said and met him halfway. He was beginning to memorize where everything was in the waiting room, but he was still nervous about walking into things. He already was easy to spot with the cane; he really didn't want to draw more attention to himself by knocking into something.

After he was seated in Dr. Johns' office, he began to fidget with his cane again. He was beginning to trust his doctor more, but he still had a problem with talking about himself. He wanted to so badly to help himself get better, but he felt like he was complaining when he talked about his feelings. Or worse yet, bragging when he was feeling good.

"So, Noah, how are you today?" She asked as she settled into her own chair across from Noah.

"I'm all right. You?"

"I'm very well thank you. How are things at home?"

"Ok, I guess,"

"And with Luke?"

"Oh, he, ah, he left," there, the words were out.

"When was this?" She asked and made a note of it in her notebook.

"Day before yesterday,"

"How are you feeling about that?"

"OK," he responded with a quiet voice. The doctor knew he was avoiding and decided to wait a minute. "All right, I'm not ok," he voiced raised several octaves. _Right on cue._ She knew that he would elaborate if she just waited.

"Why aren't you ok?"

"Because he just left. He didn't even discuss this moving away thing with me. I thought he was my boyfriend. We use to talk about everything. He told everyone, but me,"

"You told me yourself that you haven't really been talking lately,"

"So this is my fault?" He asked; trying not to get too angry at her.

"No, I'm not saying that. I don't think it's anyone's fault. Did Luke give you any reason for leaving?"

"Yeah, he said that he needed to do this. For himself. He didn't like who he was anymore," he answered, running over their conversation in his head.

"Maybe that's all it was. I don't think this had anything to do with you Noah. I think he needed to fix himself. Kind of like how you need to fix you. Had Luke changed?"

"Yeah, we all have,"

"But I mean Luke. Have you noticed anything different about him lately?" She asked and Noah could hear her writing on her notebook. He had stopped asking what she was writing. As curious as he was, he learned right away she was not going to tell him. As for her question, he didn't know how to answer it. He hadn't noticed anything. The more he thought about her question, the more he remembered. She didn't say anything, she watched him ponder her question.

"Yeah, he stopped making a point to talk to me. He stopped seeking me out. He used to try really hard to spend time alone with me. He stopped trying last week. He made me dinner the night he left and his leg brushed against mine. He apologized; like he was invading my space or something,"

"How did you feel when his leg brushed yours?"

"Honestly, my heart raced a bit. He was always able to get me to do that. Just the tiniest amount of contact with him would send me over," Noah smiled as he finished his sentence. He could not help but smile at the thought of it.

Dr. Johns smiled to herself also as she watched him and made a note of his reaction to her inquiry.

"Was there anything else that sticks out in your mind?"

Well, last week," Noah stopped.

"Last week what Noah," she was gently prodding him to open up.

"I found him crying. He was sitting all alone in a dark room and he was crying," Noah had to swallow hard.

"What was he crying about?"

"I don't know. I never asked him," he admitted and guilt flushed through him.

"Thinking about what you just told me, why do think Luke left?"  Noah let the question bang around in his head for a few minutes and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Because he thought I gave up on him," he answered as the realization hit him. "He even said that he didn't think I would ever forgive him,"

"Why would he think that?"

"I never gave him a reason to think I would," he said and leaned back in his chair. "See, you're doing it again. You're making it sound like this is all my fault,"

"That's not what I'm saying. I am trying to get you to see that you have to talk," she said as she leaned forward a bit. She saw confusion wash over the young man's face. "You need to let people in. Tell them what's going on. Let them know how you are feeling. You still love Luke?"

"What? Of course I do. He is everything to me,"

"Does he know that?"

Noah was about to say, " _of course he knew that"_ …but did he really?

* * *

Luke was unpacking one of only a few boxes he brought from Oakdale. He was only going to be here for a short while; at least he hoped so. And he didn't need to bring his entire life with him. Besides how much could he possibly squeeze into his Vibe anyway. He was in the living room putting away some framed pictures onto the fireplace mantel. There was one of him with his sisters and Ethan taken at the farm. A picture of him and his parents on graduation day; was he really wearing stripes? One of him and Aaron on Aaron's wedding day; they sure looked good in their tuxes. Another one of him with Casey, Maddie, Will and Gwen on his 17th birthday; again with the stripes?

The final frame sat in the bottom of the box before he reached for it; almost as if it would burn him. It was one of him and Noah in Olde Towne. They had just had a meeting with Brian and they were sitting on _their_ bench. He was leaning into Noah and he had his arm around Luke's shoulder. That was the day Noah came back Italy. He had been gone for a month and he came back early; because he missed Luke. Luke closed his eyes and remembered how excited he was when Noah came into the kitchen at the farm. He just could not stopping kissing the tall brunette. He laughed slightly at the thought of it.

Luke sat down on his sofa, almost collapsed, and held the picture in his hands. He remembered how Noah smelled and how warm his body felt next to him. He just stared at the picture and remembered all the things that they said to each other.

" _See that? That right there? That's why I came back early,"_

" _Noah, promise me something. Never go away without me. Because even though things are such a mess right now. Just having you here, makes it easier,"_

" _I promise,"_

Noah promised that he would not leave without Luke and the first test of that promise, Luke leaves. Leaves Noah alone.

That thought ran through Luke's head. He didn't even know he was crying until he saw water droplets hit the glass below him. Wiping them off the glass, he walked into his bedroom and put the picture next to his bed. He wanted to see it first thing in the morning and last at night. He sniffled and wiped his eyes dry as he walked back into the living room.

His next thought was of the phone call yesterday. Why did he tell Scott that Noah was his brother? Well, technically his was. But why not tell him the truth. He was not interested in Scott, in the least, so why not tell him that the call was to his boyfriend? The truth was he didn't know if Noah was his boyfriend anymore. God knows Luke still wanted to be with Noah. He wanted that more than anything else in this world. But in the end it didn't matter how badly he wanted it. If Noah did not want to be with him, he would have no choice but to move on. He was getting tired of pushing Noah towards what he wanted.

He wanted Noah to come out, so he did.

He wanted Noah and him to move in together, so they did.

He wanted Noah to make a film about Colonel Mayer, so he did.

He wanted so much, but he was just so tired of being the one who pushed. He just couldn't do it anymore. So, Luke made a decision right then and there.

Whatever Noah decided about their relationship, he would accept it. He just hoped that he could accept a broken heart if things didn't go his way.

Luke shook off those thoughts and turned on his automatic pilot. He went back to unpacking, for tomorrow was job hunting.


	10. Talking and Dinner

The next two weeks Noah was functioning just fine. Functioning being the operative word. He was just going through the motions. Dr. Johns called him on it a number of times. She still insisted that he find someone, anyone, in his life that he could talk to. It didn't matter who, just someone. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard knocking on the door. Lily had gone to the store and he was glad of it. She was constantly hovering around, like you would expect any mother would. Noah never had that and it was hard to get use to. He pulled himself to his feet and carefully walked to the door.

As soon as he opened the door, he knew who it was.

"Maddie, Casey. You guys want to come in?" Noah asked as he stepped aside. The couple exchanged looks before they entered. Casey was first to question him.

"How did you know it was us?"

"Only you would wear Aqua Velva. I mean really Casey what is it? 1985?" Maddie couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey! It's good enough for my dad,"

"Exactly! Old men wear it!" Maddie chimed in quickly.

"You too?"  Casey asked in mock outrage.

Noah was enjoying the sparing that he had initiated. He could almost picture Maddie's eyes sparkling at her boyfriend while Casey stared at her in mock horror. He hadn't laughed out loud in who knows how long.

"And me? How'd you know it was me?"

"Because you smell like cherry blossoms and that vanilla shampoo you use. Plus since you got back together, you're rarely apart," his smile quickly dissipated as he had a quick flash of Luke in his head. They had been inseparable too. Noah coughed slightly and pushed that thought into the back of his mind. "So, what are you guys doing here?"

"Well, we were wondering if we could convince you to go out with us," Maddie wondered, hesitantly.

"Yeah, we were just going to go Al's and then maybe Java afterwards,"

"Ah, sure. I've been cooped up in here too long. Let me get my sweatshirt and I'll be right back," Noah said and went into the kitchen.

"Wow, it is still so weird that Luke's not here," Maddie said as she stepped closer to her boyfriend. Casey put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her tighter against him.

"I'm glad he is though.  Gone I mean,"

"What? Why?"

"You saw him before he left. He was acting like a battered wife," Casey said and Maddie's head shot back as she looked on him in utter shock. "I'm serious. He barely talked, he was always depressed, he stopped eating and sleeping, he always had to be sure nothing he did or said would upset Noah. Not to mention all the groveling. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love them both, you know that, but I was glad Luke got out before he lost it,"

"Have you talked to him lately?" Maddie asked as she let what her boyfriend said sink in.

"Yeah. He called me yesterday. He got a job at a real small newspaper outside Chicago,"

Noah stood just inside the kitchen and heard everything that his two friends were saying. He wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but when he heard Luke's name, he just wanted to listen. He could not believe what Casey was saying. There was no way that things were actually that bad. Not even close.

But the longer he stood therer, Noah had to admit the truth.

He had been trying so hard to ignore Luke and punish him for what happened that he had no idea what Luke was thinking right before he left. They hadn't really talked until the night he left. And the memory of what Emma said to Luke at the farm on Christmas Eve came into his head.

" _Luke, are you feeling all right? You look a bit pale, not to mention much too thin,"_

" _I'm fine grandma,"_

Noah hadn't even noticed that; that others were looking at him and thinking him sick. The guilt of his treatment of Luke was beginning to weigh heavy on him, like a snowball going down a hill. It was getting bigger and bigger as he talked and listened to others. If only he could talk to Luke again.

Noah walked into the living room without his sweatshirt and Maddie walked up to him.

"So, you ready to go?" She asked as she slipped her arm through his.

"I was wondering, um, can I talk to you guys instead of going out?"

* * *

Luke walked through the door to his apartment and dropped down onto his sofa on his stomach. He had just finished interviewing what seems like every dog breeder in the tri-state area. He was glad the dog show was only a one day affair. After that long, long afternoon he already smelled like a weird combination of dog hair, dog food and his aftershave, but he was also too tired to do anything about it. He had been tired a lot lately. He knew that there was no way for him to get a goodnight's sleep when all he could think about was Noah. He was mostly worried about his health. He sure hoped that he hadn't stopped with his physical therapy. Noah had wanted to give up so many times, but it was Luke that pushed him to keep it up. Luke hoped that someone else had taken his place; pushing Noah to not give in.

With all those thoughts dancing in his head, he was soon asleep.

The next thing he knew he was woken by knocking on his front door. Trying to shake the nausea from his stomach, he pushed himself to his knees then up to his feet. He looked through his peep hole and saw Scott standing in the hallway. Luke brushed his hands through his hair and opened the door. Scott was wearing a red _Lake Forest_ hooded sweatshirt over a grey t-shirt and dark blue jeans. His eyes shined and he smiled when he saw Luke disheveled appearance.

"Hey. Did I wake you?"

"Ah, yeah, but it's ok. What's going on?"

"Well, you've been so busy lately, I decided to bring food to you," Scott said as he held up a couple bags with Chinese characters on it. Luke could just smell all the greasy goodness. He was about to turn down yet another invite when his stomach answered for him. The fierce grumble inside Luke caused him to rub his belly to quiet it down. "Is that a yes?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Come on in," Luke laughed and then moved aside to let Scott in. Scott stepped over the threshold and looked the place over. Luke had managed to add a few personal touches. He noticed framed pictures on mantel. Books of various topics in one of the built-in bookshelves. Luke's laptop was open on the kitchen island with the screen saver running. Scott had to laugh to himself when he got closer. It was rainbow colored bubbles dancing across the screen over an opened word document.

Scott put the bags on the counter and smelled the air a bit.

"Did you get a dog?"  He asked and looked around the livingroom.

"Huh? Ah, no," Luke took a second to smell his clothes. "I was interviewing breeders at a dog show. I think I need to get cleaned up a bit,"

"I'll get some plates and open up these boxes. Just don't take too long. It'll get cold," Scott inwardly kicked himself for being so nervous around him.

Luke padded off towards the bedroom and Scott started to open the food containers. He probably ordered too much food, but he didn't know what Luke would like. He really did want to get to know the sexy blond on the second floor. Scott had walked around the kitchen and was opening cabinets when he looked down the hall. He had clear shot from where his was standing in the kitchen into Luke's bedroom. He could see Luke taking off his button-down shirt, he was standing just in front of an old movie poster framed on the wall. Scott was right, he did work out a bit. He was wearing a white wife-beater tank top and his jeans were hanging low on his hips. Scott could see light chest hair peeking out. He could see muscles of his back move under the tank top and Scott couldn't help, but let out a sigh.

"Are you finding everything?" Luke called out over his shoulder while he toed off his shoes. Luke's voice pulled Scott back to the present and he quickly looked away. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment and he tried not to stutter.

"Yeah, I think I have everything,"

"I'll be out in a minute," Luke called back as he shut the door. He changed into a clean t-shirt and pair of lounge pants. A stop in the bathroom to wash his hands and brush his hands through hair before he joined Scott at the kitchen island.

"Feel better?" Scott asked as he sat up straighter.

"Much. I might have to shower before bed though," Luke said as he pulled his stool closer to the counter. Scott paused momentarily as he imagined Luke naked in the shower with water cascading down his body, his wet blond hair sticking to his neck… Luke nudged him and Scott again flushed with embarrassment as he realized where his mind had just been.

"So what did you get?"

"Well, I wasn't sure what you liked so I got all my favorites. There's sesame chicken, spicy beef and broccoli with noodles, deep fried chicken wings, pork egg rolls and cream cheese wontons," Luke smiled and dug right in. He hadn't eaten since breakfast at 8, nearly 9 hours ago, and he was glad that Scott had rescued him from a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats and Vanilla Soy Milk. Luke hated to admit it, but it felt good to be having dinner with someone. Not that he was interested in Scott, but he was so use to being alone that this change was nice.

"So, snowboarder or skier?"

"Huh?" Scott asked he slurped a noodle into his mouth.

"Do you snowboard or do you ski?" Luke asked again, gesturing with his chop sticks. Scott was surprised how adept with the sticks Luke was, he was still relegated to silverware.

"Snowboard, but how did you…,"

"When you showed me around the building, you said six inches of powder. A person who isn't into winter sports would have said, six inches of snow, so I guessed snowboarding or skiing,"

"You're pretty observant aren't you? Pretty proud of yourself aren't ya?" Scott was relaxing, but Luke made it easy.

"Yeah, well. I'm a writer, by birth we are an observant race,"

"So, you're a writer. Been published anywhere?"

"Yeah, I'm working for the Park Heights Gazette. Very, very small paper,"

"I'll have to pick one up," Scott said obviously flirting. And Luke took it as such, his cheeks quickly flushing. Maybe Luke was reading too much into what Scott said. Just because he's gay, doesn't mean that he was hitting on Luke.

"So, no fortune cookies?" Luke quickly asked to change the topic. Scott pulled the bag to him and pulled out four cookies.

"I ordered so much, they probably thought it was for four people," Scott and Luke just laughed at that observation. There was well over half left and both boys were stuffed to the gills. Luke had eaten more than normal and he could already feel the heartburn kick in. Scott opened his cookie and read it out loud while Luke put the food away..

" _Opportunities are everywhere, one need put be aware._ Ohhh, profound. What's yours say?" Luke cracked open his fortune and pulled the paper flat.

" _Someone will leave you a large sum of money_ ,"

"Ugh. I hate that one,"

"Well, thanks for dinner, but I really need to go to bed," Luke said, trying to be as nice as possible.

"Yeah, sure. We'll have to do this again some time. When you're not so tired,"

"Yeah," Luke said as he opened his door to let Scott out.

"Night Luke," Scott hesitated for a moment, fidgeting with the food bag, before he walked down the hall to his own apartment. Luke shut the door and leaned heavy against it. He held the fortune up and read the **real** words out loud.

" _Just open your eyes and true love will be found_. I didn't need a fortune to tell me that," Luke huffed in annoyance.  He decided he was too tired and decided sleep was needed more than a shower.  He walked into his bedroom and collapsed on the bed. In five minutes, he was asleep.


	11. Overdue Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am not a doctor or have any medical expertise.  
> Forgive any errors on my part.  
> ENJOY!!!

Noah, Maddie, and Casey went into Noah's room and Casey shut the door. Noah sat down on the bed while Casey turned the desk chair to face Noah. They were all settling in for what seemed a long conversation. Maddie and Casey were really unsure of what Noah wanted to talk about and Noah was unsure of the answers he was going to get to his questions. Basically, whether or not he wanted to hear them.

"Noah? Are you ok?" Maddie asked as she sat next to him on the bed.

"I just need to talk to you about some things. My doctor keeps telling me that I need to talk to the people in my life,"

"Hey man. We are your friends, you can talk to us about anything," Casey chimed in as he slid the rolling chair closer to the bed.

"He's right Noah. Whatever you need," Maddie said and then slipped her hand into Noah's. She gave his hand an assuring squeeze. Noah felt a rush of strength flow through him. He needed to know and he knew that they would tell him. It only took a moment's courage.

"I want you guys to tell me, about Luke," Noah swallowed hard as the words came out. Maddie and Casey exchanged worried looks. "Come on guys, I need to know,"

"Like, what do you want to know?" Casey was stalling and Noah could hear it in his voice.

"I want to know everything! What he was thinking before he left…just start talking,"

"Well, he was…,"

"Miserable," Casey finished Maddie's sentence.

"CASEY!"

"He was Maddie. We all saw it. He was exhausted all the time; like he was carrying a huge burden all by himself. And you know him, he would never complain or ask for help," Casey leaned back and looked at him friend. Noah swallowed again.

"What else?" Noah's jaw clenched.

"He wasn't talking care of himself. All he thought about 24/7 was…," Maddie begun and Noah cut her off.

"Me," Noah had to bite his tongue to keep himself from crying. His mind kept replaying what Luke looked like when he was drinking during the whole Brian affair. "You don't think he started drinking again do you?" Noah was afraid to ask.

"I don't think so,"

"He wasn't. I asked him," Maddie's eyes locked with Casey's as she heard his declaration. He shrugged in response. Noah let out a sigh of relief. When Luke was drinking, everything else became an afterthought. At least Luke hadn't fallen quite that far.

"Did he ever tell you guys why he decided to leave?"

"He felt lost. You two weren't speaking and he said…,"

"What Casey?"  Noah almost demanded.

"He said that he couldn't stay and have you hate him. He was afraid that if he stayed and kept pushing you even though you told him not you, that there would be no way back. He was afraid he'd lose you," Maddie finished Casey's sentence.

"So, he left so he wouldn't lose me?" Noah could not hold back his annoyance. Luke made this decision without even talking to him. What else was new? Luke always acted and then thought.

"That's not the only reason," Maddie interjected.

"What else then?" Noah asked; he anger at Luke building.

"He said it was too painful. Seeing you and feeling this indifference coming from you, was too painful to feel every day. He felt like you didn't care about him or what happened to him," Maddie let out. She wanted to explain slowly; as if the words would hurt any less.

"THAT IS NOT TRUE!"

"Isn't it? Isn't this conversation prove that you stopped paying attention?" Casey couldn't help but raise his voice now.

"Casey…," Maddie said in a tight forced whisper; like she was chastising a child.

"No Maddie, I'm done tip-toeing. Every day, every single day Luke got up and tried to help you; even though you made clear that you did not want him around. He faced this invisible wall that you put up and he never complained, did he? You stopped talking to him. You didn't even notice that he was barely sleeping. He was depressed in a way that I have not seen since he came out. So, I do not blame him for leaving. After three months of indifference and cold shoulders, what did you expect?" Casey finished his tirade and Maddie quickly jumped to her feet and pulled him away.

Noah let Casey words sink in and suddenly felt very sick. Every moment he had had with Luke in the past few months came flooding back. He blamed Luke for everything that had happened and he punished Luke for it. Every day. Luke tried to reach out to him many times and Noah batted him away at each attempt. Luke apologized every day; even for things that he didn't need to. The night he found Luke crying he should have said something, asked anything.

Noah knew that he still loved Luke, but did Luke know that? That same question had popped up.

"Did you really need to yell at him?" Maddie asked her boyfriend in a whisper as she joined him near the door.

"What Maddie, my best friend was hurting and I was just telling Noah what I saw. That's what he wanted to know. I was not going to sugar-coat it for his benefit. He deserved to know the whole truth,"

"Casey's right," Noah said in an almost whisper voice. Maddie and Casey turned toward Noah and saw him slump against the headboard. His legs were pulled up to his chest and his hands were locked together around his knees. Maddie returned to Noah side and Casey stood at the foot of the bed.

"How are you feeling? Truthfully, right now?" Maddie asked. She knew that she may be pulling the stopper on a flood, but she wanted him to get better. Noah said his doctor wanted him to open up to those in his life. She figured he was already opening up by asking them these questions, now was as good a time as any. She certainly didn't want to wait and have him clam up again.

"Terrified. I pushed Luke away because I was afraid," Noah's head dropped and he fought back the tears that wanted out.

"Of what?" Casey asked. He leaned heavily against the footboard and waited. What kind of excuse could he come up with for torturing his best friend for months?

"That I would not get better and Luke would leave me,"

"Luke would never do that," Maddie insisted. She ran her hand up Noah's left arm, over his shoulder and held onto the back of his neck. She could feel him shaking under her hand. She wanted him to know that no matter what, she would be here for him.

"I know. Deep down I know that! But there was another part of me that was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That what Luke and I were was too perfect to be real and this whole thing would make him see that. Make him see that I wasn't good enough for him and that he should just cut his losses and find someone without so much baggage with him all the time. If I pushed him away hard enough and blamed him long enough, then when he eventually did leave me, it wouldn't destroy me,"

"Well, it worked. He did leave you," Noah choked back a sob and hung his head even lower.

"CASEY!" Maddie snapped back at him. Casey threw his hands up, as if he was saying "What?"

"Is there anything that you need right now?" Maddie asked as she rubbed her hand back and forth on Noah back; hoping it was soothing even in the littlest bit.

"Yeah, just one thing, but I really need to get to sleep. I have a check-up tomorrow," Noah said as he straightened up and sniffled slightly. Maddie gave Noah a peck on the cheek and slid off the bed.

"Noah, I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh, but…," Casey came to stand next to the bed and Noah stood up.

"No Casey. I'm glad that you told me the truth, at least someone did," Casey placed a hand on Noah's shoulder and Noah slapped him on the chest. He sat back down as he heard them retreat and close the door.

Noah sat slumped on the bed for a moment and then reached for his bedside table. He picked up his cell and flipped it open. Holding up the phone in front of his face, he spoke into it.

"Call Luke," his hand was shaking and his heart was racing. He put the phone to his ear and listened to it ring through. After the fourth ring, his voicemail picked up.

"Hi, you've reached my phone, but I haven't reached my phone. So leave me a message, bye," Noah laughed slightly and closed his phone. He loved that message. He loved Luke's voice even more. Noah pushed himself back and lay down. He opened his cell again, put it to his ear and spoke into it.

"Call Luke,"

As Luke's message played again, Noah closed his eyes and listened. He repeated this process several more times before he fell asleep; still clutching his phone.

* * *

The next morning Noah, Lily, and Damian sat in his doctor's office. Now that his sight was gone, his sense of smell was even more acute. He thought the smell of a hospital was bad before, it seemed tenfold worse now. He could hear Damian paced slightly in a little box across from him. Lily was also nervous, he could her hear her fumble with her bracelets and watch back and forth. He leaned back and rubbed his sweaty hands on his thighs.

"You two need to relax, you're making me even more anxious,"

"Aren't you worried?" Damian inquired. He had always marveled in how Noah was so calm. That calmness always seemed to settle Luke. He wondered how his son was doing alone in Chicago. He had spoken to him a few times, but he was sure that he was getting the same canned responses to his questions. He didn't want Damian to worry.

"Why should I be? I can't get any blinder," as politically incorrect as his joke was, Lily and Damian could not help but laugh. Noah's doctor soon entered.

"Good morning. Noah, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm all right, Dr. Pierce,"

"Any changes to make note of?"

"The light changes seem to be a bit stronger. Other than that, not really,"

"Well, let's have a look," Dr. Pierce said and wheeled his chair as close to Noah as he could.

After about ninety minutes of questions and various tests, Dr. Pierce begun to make notes on Noah's chart. He ran every test he could think of; from a light to test pupil reflexes to an ultrasound to check damage.

"Well, doc, what's the verdict?" Noah asked; he had always wanted to use that line.

"Noah, your pupils seem to be undamaged. They react to light like they should. From what I see, there seems to be adequate blood flow to the areas of the eye. The ultrasound did show that there be a problem deeper behind the eye,"

"What does that mean?" Lily asked. Noah was glad that she did, he suddenly lost his voice.

"A mass was located just past Noah's optic nerve,"

"What kind of mass?" Noah was able to scratch out.

"I don't think it's anything to be worried about. In my opinion, we are looking at a blood clot. The trauma to your eyes, caused your body to rush blood to the wounds to help in the healing, well that worked too well and now there is a blood clot,"

"Well, how do we go about getting rid of it?"

"I would recommend surgery. It is a very simple procedure. We go in and…," Dr. Pierce's voice drifted away from him and all he could think about was Luke. Lily squeezed Noah's hand and all Noah wanted was to have Luke here, holding his hand.

"Noah. Noah?" Dr. Pierce repeated several times. Lily shook his hand slightly and Noah came back to the then and now.

"Yes?"

"Do you have any questions for me?"

"Yeah. If you remove the blood clot or clots, will I be able to see again?"

"I don't want to get your hopes up, but with amble blood flow returned to this area of your eyes, it's a possibility,"

Noah let out a gasp and slumped in bit in chair.

"But like I said, I don't want to get your hopes up. You suffered a massive trauma and it could take a while before you can see again. Or you may wake up tomorrow and see just fine. The human body is an amazing machine and I'm here to help it out,"

"When do you want to do the surgery?" Noah asked. He hadn't said much; this all so surreal right now. He may be able to see again. He couldn't help but get his hopes up.

"Well, I recommend we do this as soon as possible. The longer we wait, the longer the blood flow is compromised. And there is also the risk of the clot moving," the doctor said in a very level voice. He scrolled through a menu on his computer and begun to flip through screens. "I have an opening the day after tomorrow at 8am,"

"That soon?"

"I'll take it," Noah said without hesitation. Damian and Lily looked at each other, but said nothing. This was Noah's decision. It was his life at stake. They also knew how much Noah wanted to get better.

"All right. I'll go out and make some arrangements and I'll meet you at the nurses' station," Dr. Pierce said and then left them alone.

"Did you hear that?" Damian asked them. "You might get your sight back," he could not contain the happiness in his voice. As much as he disapproved of Luke's relationship at first, he had come to care about Noah very much. And he was also very excited when he was able to adopt Noah to help save his life. Noah and he had not seen eye to eye in a while, but Noah's cold shoulder was beginning to thaw.

"I want you guys to promise me something," Noah took a deep breath.

"Anything sweetheart," Lily said as she squeezed Noah's hand.

"Promise me you won't tell Luke,"


	12. Letters Unsent

Scott and Luke had eaten dinner together four times this week; this time Luke even made spaghetti. He told Scott that he was an awful cook, but this was one meal he didn't screw up. That was the night that Scott found out Luke was half-Italian. It was in his DNA that he could not screw up a good red sauce. Scott's toes curled when Luke said his birth name was Luciano Eduardo Grimaldi, especially when he used a heavy Italian accent to say it. Luke then spoke in Italian for a minute and Scott almost jumped him right there. _Be calm! Don't scare him off!_ Luke swore that the recipe was an old family secret, but Scott was almost positive he saw Prego jars in the garbage when they were cleaning up.

Next was a movie. Well, three to be exact. There was a "Die Hard" marathon on TV and Luke jumped at the chance to watch them all in one sitting. Noah wasn't a huge fan of action movies, so any chance he got to watch, he took. Noah. It was getting easier to think about him and not feel that dull ache in his stomach. Luke wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

Scott and Luke sat on Scott's sofa and watched the movies. Scott kept making side glances at Luke; gauging how the night was progressing. He moved his left arm to behind Luke's head along the back of the sofa. He could feel Luke soft hair on the edge of his forearm. He had been dying to run his hand through his hair since he walked into the lobby that day.

Through the first two movies, Scott had been moving himself closer and closer to Luke. They were almost thigh to thigh. Luke laughed at something in the movie and looked at Scott. His green eyes seemed to shimmer in the glow of the TV. He leaned forward and Scott pressed his lips on Luke's. Luke lean in and cupped Scott's cheek with his left hand. Scott did not want to push Luke, but he found himself unable to stop. His licked his tongue across Luke's lower lip; asking for permission. Luke parted his lips slightly and Scott deepened the kiss. Luke moaned and wrapped his arms around Scott's neck. Scott's hands slid up from Luke's hips and rested on his waist. Scott slowly moved Luke back and settled between his knees. He lay on top of Luke and buried his hands in Luke's hair. He then begun to kiss along Luke's jaw and deeper into his neck. Luke's back arched as he felt small bites trail down his neck and along his shoulder. Luke could feel how much Scott wanted him. His arousal rubbed against Luke's and that action was like a jolt running through him.

He had to get out!

"Stop. Scott Stop!" Luke shoved Scott's shoulders and the man rose up slightly. Scott was breathing heavy and his pupils were blown way open.

"What is it?" He lightly brushed Luke hair off his forehead and then his fingers trailed down Luke's cheek.

"I, ah, I ah…" Luke's words were coming out staggered. His brain was trying to form a sentence. He closed his eyes tightly; he just couldn't look at Scott.

"What's the matter baby?" It was the baby that did it. Luke had to get out and to his apartment.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this," he said as he pulled himself up and got off the couch. He grabbed his shoes and was out of the apartment before Scott could get his head around what just happened.

Luke unlocked his door and quickly closed it behind him. He didn't realize he was crying until brushed a bit of hair behind his ear.

"What am I doing?" He said out loud to no one. What he did know was he wanted a shower. He dropped his shoes and begun pulling off his clothes while he walked to the bathroom. By the time he entered the small bathroom, he was completely naked. He got in the shower and begun washing everything. Luke leaned his forehead against the warming tile and wept. Sobbed would be more accurate. Then he started to scrub. He scrubbed until his hands were sore and his skin was raw. After he finished his "Silkwood" shower, he pulled on a pair of pajama pants and tank top. He padded into the living room and sat down at his laptop. He pulled up Word 2007 and opened up his most recent document.

He read once that the best way to exercise your demons was to write them down. Writing them down was like exposing them to the world. After that, they lost all their power over you. Luke had been doing just that since he moved into this apartment. He had written them all in letter form; to Noah. He went back to the beginning and read back what he had written so far.

* * *

_February 14_ _th_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_It's Valentine's Day. As much as you hate to admit it, I think this is your favorite holiday. Sure it doesn't come with the tradition as Thanksgiving or the grandeur as Christmas, but for one day you allow yourself to open up and let your closet romantic out to play! Remember our first Valentine's Day. You gave me that card in Olde Towne and we imagined what our lives would be like without each other. Well, here it is Valentine's Day and I am without you right now. And I have to tell you…it sucks._

_I miss you! I miss every single thing about you. Your smile, your laugh, your smell. I miss waking up with you and sharing breakfast. I even miss our tiny little apartment with the broken step and the dripping faucet in the kitchen._

_I just finished talking to you. Hearing your voice was the best present I have ever gotten. Hearing you laugh and you sounded relaxed and happy. You sound like you are getting better. I'm so glad that you are; even if I didn't cause it._

_As for your gift, I wanted you to have something that would have meaning to just you, but was unique as you are. When I saw that poster on eBay, I almost died of shock. As the bidding got heated and the time wore down, I could almost picture your face as you opened it. Seeing your beautiful baby blues light up as you realized what it was. I'm just sorry that I missed it._

_I love you Noah. I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you._

_Love, Luke._

* * *

_February 23rd_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_I got a new job today. I am a reporter for a local paper. When I say local I mean you can see Chicago from the parking lot…if you use a telescope. It is one the suburbs, but I am not complaining. Damian and my grandmother each tried to get my jobs working in Chicago; there are divisions of Grimaldi Shipping and WorldWide downtown. But I wanted to do all of this on my own. It's funny, I'm a reverse commuter._

_I have been writing real short snippets for the paper; new book store opening; a local job fair. Fluff, fluff and more fluff, but I am not complaining. Well, maybe I am a little bit, but this the job I applied for and I am going to do this on my own._

_I feel like I'm repeating myself. I just don't know what to say to you._

_I love you._

_I miss you._

_I want you._

_I hope you're feeling better._

_What else can I say?_

_Love,_ _Luke_

* * *

_February 28_ _th_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_I made a friend today. Scott is my neighbor down the hall. He's also the super. He showed me around the building when I was still apartment hunting. He's an architecture major at Lake Forest. He came over with Chinese food and you know I can't say no to Chinese. It was nice to meet someone I can talk to here._

_I should tell you about my place. This place a bit nicer than ours is in Oakdale. It's in this real nice neighborhood called Humboldt Park. You can see the park from my living room balcony. When the leaves come out this spring the view is going to be amazing. Am I going to be here that long? I don't know. I haven't thought about it at all._

_Remember when we finally got our place. You stubbed your toe real hard on the front step. I think your big feet broke it even though you swear it was broke when you got there. I remember walking in and getting that smell. UGH! We never did find that origin of that smell did we? I'm laughing now just thinking about how we searched and searched for that phantom odor. It really wasn't a good apartment was it? It was always freezing at 2 in the morning. The floor in the bedroom was incredibly slanted. The bed didn't even sit flat. The faucet in the kitchen dripped constantly, even after you fixed it. But, despite all of its flaws, it was ours. Yours and mine. And that reason, my dear, was why I love it._

_I love you._

_Yours always,_

_Luke._

* * *

Luke moved the cursor to the bottom of the document and added today's entry. He was shaking as he typed.

* * *

_March 5_ _th_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_I have done something. I was at Scott's and I made him dinner. I made Gramma Emma's red sauce and linguini. Then we were going to watch a Die Hard marathon. Everything was going to great. We joked and laughed and it was nice to have a friend so far from everything. We ate and then were sitting down to watch the movie._

_We finished the first two and things were still going well. We were half-way through the third one, when Scott kissed me._

_And I kissed him back._

_Pretty soon we were laying the couch making out. It felt good to be wanted by someone. Someone who didn't know everything about me. Who only knew me for me and nothing else. There was none of that baggage. Just two guys who are attracted to each other. Simple. I hate to admit it, but I really enjoyed it. Scott was enjoying it too from what I could tell._

_Then I have never felt so awful in my life._

_I got up right away and almost ran to my apartment. I needed to get out of there. When I got back to my apartment, I showered until my skin was pink. I was afraid that if I stayed I would end up sleeping with him. And I did not want that. I only want you and as long as we are in limbo, I will wait for you._

_Love Always,_

_Luke._

* * *

Luke saved his work and then closed his laptop. He sat for a moment and then he made a mad dash for the bathroom. He threw up his dinner and retched until his eyes watered. He sat on the floor of the bathroom and brought his knees to his chest. He took long cleansing breaths and closed his eyes; hoping to calm his insides. His hugged his knees as close to his chest as he could.

God he missed Noah.


	13. Opening Up

Noah sat in the waiting room of Dr. Johns' office. He just could not sit still. His knee was bouncing and he kept moving in his seat. He was still processing the news that Dr. Pierce gave him yesterday.

He might actually be able to see again. He had given up hope so many times in these last few months and it might actually be in his grasp again. He could get back to his old life. The life that he fought like hell to get in the first place.

"Noah? Are you ready?" A woman's voice said as he felt a hand rubbing his shoulder. Noah shook off what was running in his mind and directed his attention to the voice.

"What?"

"I asked you if you were ready for you session?"

"Oh right. Yeah," he said as Dr. Johns' took his arm and helped him into her office. The first thing he noticed was the smell. "You changed candles again, didn't you?"

Dr. Johns shook her head and could not help but laugh to herself. He never ceased to amaze her.

"Yes I did. The store was out of the vanilla ones I usually get,"

"Is it lilac?" He asked as she eased him down onto her leather couch. She sat down across from him and set her notebook on her lap.

"Close, Freesia," she smiled. He seemed different today. Almost, dare she say, playful. She made a note of it and settled in for his one hour session. "So, how are you today?"

"I'm good. Really good,"

"Well. That is something that I have been waiting to hear. What has happened to cause this mood?"

"I had an appointment with Dr. Pierce yesterday and he wants to do surgery on my eyes tomorrow,"

"And you are not even nervous about this?"

"Of course I'm nervous. But he said that there is a possibility that I might be able to see again. That's why I'm good today,"

"That's great Noah! What did Luke say when you told him about this?" She knew that a lot of what happens to Noah hinges on how Luke feels or what he wants.

"I, ah, I haven't told him yet,"

"Really? Do you think that is a good idea?" He could hear her make small scribbles on her pad. Noah suddenly wondered what her handwriting looked like.

"I want to tell him, but I just can't,"

"Why?"

"I am already trying to keep **_my_** hopes down. I mean I can handle it if the surgery doesn't work, but to get Luke's hopes up and then have them taken away. He would feel even guiltier than he already does. I will tell him, eventually, but after the whole thing is done,"

"So if it works you will have a big surprise for him, but if it doesn't work, he wouldn't be hurt again,"

"Something like that,"

"Noah, I have to say I am very impressed by your level of maturity. You are going to take on this huge thing and not lean on anyone. But that can also be every dangerous,"

Noah did not have to see his face to know that he was showing her confusion. He didn't quite get what she was talking about.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it is very noble and brave to handle something so big on your own, but it is also selfish. Accepting people into your life is the healthiest thing to do. We all need to be able to lean on others for support or love. Sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is ask for help and then be able to accept it,"

Noah mulled her words over and over in his head. There was something that has been bugging him since he heard Casey and Maddie talking the living room.

"Dr Johns, what are the symptoms of a battered wife?" Noah mumbled quietly.

"Huh? Why are you wondering that?"

"Well, I talked to Casey and Maddie the other yesterday like you told me to. And I overheard Casey say that Luke was acting like a battered wife,"

"Well there are four psychological stages: Denial, Guilt, Responsibility and then Enlightenment. The symptoms can range from depression to disruptive body image to higher than normal levels of anxiety. In my experience, battered woman or man can overcompensate for their significant other, like apologizing all the time for them or they make excuses for their behavior. They also start to avoid things that they use to enjoy because it may upset the person they're with. Do you think that your friend was right about Luke?" She asked her question very hesitantly. She knew that she was tip-toeing around a sore subject for Noah, but she needed for him to see his own actions. That would be the only way he could get past what had happened and more on.

"After hearing what you said and thinking back, yeah, I could see that. He always took on too much and never asked for help. He felt guilty for my accident and I know that was because I pushed that on him. I was always blaming him,"

"Do you still think it was his fault?"

"The accident, no. The fight, that fight was both of us," Noah was swallowing back the lump in his throat. He was finally seeing what his anger and behavior had done to Luke.

"You said that you talked to your friends. How did that go?"

"Good. I asked them to tell me why Luke left,"

"How did that make you feel?" She asked. She knew that this was going to be a good session when she saw him in the waiting room.

"Shitty. Oh sorry. I felt awful. You see, Luke has been there for the worst moments in my life and he has been the cause for all the good ones. And to think that I made him that miserable, that he had no other choice but to leave his family and everything he knows. It, well, it killed me," Noah finished and was surprised by everything he just said.

"What did you tell them about you? Why do you think that you were pushing Luke away?"

"I was afraid that he'd leave me, now that I'm less than I was. That he would get tired of taking care of me and cleaning up after me, and all that. I wanted him to leave. So, when he finally **_did_ ** leave me, it wouldn't hurt as much,"

"Did it work?"

"No. It hurt worse, because I hurt him to get him to go away,"

"Well, Noah our time is up. I have to say, you have made a lot of progress today. I'm proud if you. Good luck with everything tomorrow. I will see you next week," she said as she helped him to the door. She opened the door and saw Lily sitting in the waiting room.

"Well, maybe next week I'll be seeing you too," Noah said with a chuckle.

Lily looked up from her Ladies' Home Journal and saw Noah laughing with his doctor. Her heart lifted just to hear his voice that happy and relaxed. She could not help but smile. She stood and met him. Lily grasped his arm and led him out of Dr. Johns' office.

"Do you want to get some lunch?" She asked as they waited for the elevator.

"Can we do that and then go back to the house? I want to talk to you," Noah said as they entered the elevator.

"Of course sweetheart,"

* * *

Luke drummed his fingers against his thigh as he stood in front of Scott's door. He was biting the inside of his lower lip and tapping his foot on the floor. He was nervous and that was plain to see. Luke glanced at his watch, it was just after 2pm; how long would he wait before knocking? He wasn't sure what he was going to say to him, but he had to say something. He had been pacing in front of his door all day waiting for Scott to get back from his classes. Luke was sure that he wore the carpet down from his hallway to the kitchen. When Luke heard movement in the hall outside his door, he dashed toward the keyhole and peered out. He could see Scott carrying a book bag and some groceries as he went into his apartment. He gave Scott about 15 minutes before Luke left his apartment and stood where we was now; trying to get the nerve up to knock.

Luke took in a big breath and lightly rapped at the Scott's door. Door opened to reveal Scott standing there wearing a black tank top, grey jogging pants, and bare feet. His hair was wet and sticking to his forehead. Luke could see that he had well developed arms and he was finally able to see the tattoo that he got a glimpse off when he first saw the apartment. It was tribal just like Luke had thought. It was various tribal patterns wrapping around his arm and continued up and round his bicep. The plain black tattoo swirled overlapping each other like the stems of roses. Luke almost wanted to touch it. His skin was glowing like Luke had interrupted him as he was working out. Luke took in a breath; he looked good.

"Hi," Luke said when he finally found his voice.

"Hi,"

"Can I come in? You're not busy are you?"

"Ah, no, I'm not. Come on in," Scott stepped aside and Luke walked inside. He could feel his stomach flip flopping over himself. He was fidgeting with his fingers as he walked around a bit. Scott closed the door and turned to face Luke. He walked over to his stereo and turned off the music that Luke hadn't even noticed was on. Scott waited for a moment and then had to speak. "So, what, ah, what do you want?" Scott was confused and nervous as he stared at the first guy that he had really liked in some time.

"I wanted to talk to you. I think I owe you an apology,"

"You **_think_**?"

"No. I **_do_ ** owe you an apology. I am so sorry, for running out like I did last night," Luke said and Scott could tell by his tone, Luke was very sincere.

"Thanks. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," Luke was suddenly relieved that Scott had accepted his apology; he would answer anything Scott asked him.

"Why did you run out? I mean, do you find me attractive at all?"

"Oh yes, I do. That's not it,"

"Then what is it? You have to know that I am attracted to you. So what happened last night?" Scott demanded to know. He was trying not to be angry, but how could he not be. He felt how much Luke wanted him last night when they were not his sofa; not even 24 hours earlier.

"I am attracted to you, who wouldn't be," Luke said; unintentionally quoting Brian. "But the thing is I have a boyfriend,"

"Oh really? And where is this "boyfriend"," Scott was sensing a brush off.

"Can we sit?" Luke asked and Scott nodded in the affirmative. They sat on the sofa, Luke at one end and Scott at the other. Luke started at the beginning. He told him about Noah. How they met and fell in love. He told him about Ameera and Brian. Scott listened as Luke told him everything. He told him about their apartment and then he brought up Mason. That meant he had to tell him about the accident and Noah's current condition. Luke was crying at this point and Scott could not help, but feel terrible for being mad at Luke.

"Wait. Why did you tell me that Noah was your brother?"

"Well," Luke sniffled at point trying to calm down. "Technically, he is, not by choice. If my mom didn't he would have died. Second, I don't really know what we are right now. Noah has pretty much ignored me for two months, so I wasn't sure what to call him,"

"You miss him, don't you?" Scott asked in a defeated voice.

"Every single second,"


	14. Mending Bridges

Noah entered the house followed by Lily. She was helping him with his coat when he turned towards her. He tried to speak, but his was so nervous. It was one thing to tell your friends how you are, but to tell your boyfriend's/adoptive mom how you are feeling is quite another.

"Mrs. Snyder? Can we talk now?"

"Noah, you can call me Lily," she insisted as she took his arm. Noah blushed with embarrassment. He was nervous and when he got nervous his manners overcompensated. "Do you want to eat first?"

"Not really hungry,"

"Ok, why don't we sit on the sofa? Is that ok?"

"Sure," he was able to get out. The lump in his throat was getting bigger as he went. She helped him walk around the end table and to the sofa. Noah pretty much had the entire house memorized, but she liked to help him and Noah didn't have the heart to correct her. Once they were settled in, Lily waited for him to start.

"Ok. Um, well, first I want to thank you. I know I made a big fuss and fought you at first, but the truth is, I might not be here if it weren't for you and Damian. So thank you," that was the easy part. Lily was about to open her mouth to say something when Noah continued. "Oh, and I'll thank Damian too, but later. Is that ok?"

"That would be fine honey," she said and could not help but smile. Noah's heart swelled when she used endearments like honey or sweetheart. He went without them for so long, that he was really starting to need them on an almost daily basis.

"Ok. I'm sorry,"

"For?"

"For everything. For the way I treated everyone. Especially Luke. I'm sorry that I hurt your son. I never meant to, not really. And that whole thing on Christmas Eve was an accident, I never or would ever hurt Luke like that, no matter how angry I was or what was going on. You have to know that. I need you to know that. He is so important to me," Noah rushed out. He couldn't stop the words from coming out; like tearing off a band-aid. Lily could not help but reach out and hold his face in her hands. She could feel him shake slightly as she did so.

"I know that Noah. I do," she was said in a soft voice. She brushed her thumbs across his cheeks, just like Luke always did. That gesture, no matter how unintentional, unnerved him slightly. He pulled her hands away and held them tightly in his. Their hands interlocked and they held tight for comfort.

"Good. I have been talking to Dr. Johns' and she encouraged me to be open with the people in my life. I just wanted you to know. The reason I was so hard on Luke was all me. I was pushing him away. I couldn't leave him, so I wanted him to leave me. I felt like I was pulling him down with me and he deserves so much more than that," Noah explained. Lily again wanted to disagree with him, but Noah cut her short. "Before you say anything, I know that Luke would not see me that way, but that's how I see me, so to speak," he let out a nervous chuckle and continued. "Thing is, I was angry, very angry, but there was no one to blame or be angry at. So, I chose the next best, or should I say worst, thing. I chose the one person who stood by me and would never leave. He became my punching bag, whether I meant it or not. And it..it kills me that I broke his heart," Noah managed to get out before he started to cry. His voice had been beginning to constrict as he spoke, but as he got to end, his voice betrayed him. There was no way he could say anything now.

He had been fighting it off for the entire conversation, but he just let go. Lily leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him to her. It was at this moment that Noah realized that he had not really cried over all of this. Sure , he cried after he found out he was blind and after Luke left, but to really let the sorrow of everything break free from his heart and sink away. That he had not done and it was greatly overdue. He let it all go; like releasing his grip to a high ledge. He left himself fall and feel the grief that he had been holding at bay. Lily was just there for him, like any mother would be. He rested his forehead on her shoulder and she rubbed wide circles on his back.

Neither one knew how long they had been sitting there like that, but Damian coming home brought them back to the present. They pulled apart and Noah quickly brushed the tears away from his eyes. Damian left very out of place. He knew he was interrupting something. He wondered if he should leave the room or even the house. Lily left Noah on the sofa and met her husband at the door. She gave him a quick kiss and pulled him into a hug.

"How was your day?"

"Good. Is everything all right here?" He asked as he looked from his wife to Noah and then back again.

"Yeah. Everything is fine," Lily quickly jumped in.

"Yeah, ah Damian, can I talk to you?" Noah asked and then got up to meet his adoptive father. He used his cane to get as close to him as he felt comfortable. He was trying to make amends, but things were still tense.

"Of course Noah, whenever and whatever you want to talk about,"

"Well, I wanted to say thank you. For taking the responsibility for me, when I couldn't. I know how hard I made it and, and I'm grateful that you did," Noah said as he rung his cane in his hands.

"Noah, there is nothing to thank me for. I would make the same decision again, in a heartbeat. You mean a great deal to me and my family,"

"All the same, I owe a thank you and an apology. I'm sorry for the way I treated you…about the whole Mason situation. It maybe could have been handled differently and I really wish the outcome had been different, but I understand now that you were just doing what you thought was right. To protect me and Luke," it took a lot for those words to come out. He really did believe what he was saying, but to actually say them out loud to the man, was much different. Damian had to take a breath to keep himself from getting choked up. He had wished that things with Noah were not this tight tug-of-war, but maybe now they could mend this and get back to how things were before Mason even entered their lives.

"Thank you. What you just did took a lot of courage and I am very proud of you. I'm sorry also, for not talking to you or Luke before I went to the Dean. I will always regret what happened," Lily stood in between her two boys and was overflowing with pride and love for them. Noah and Damian may not have the kind of relationship that Noah and Holden have, but at least they appeared to be trying. Noah extended his hand and Damian happily took it. They shook hands and Lily could not help get a bit choked up, but she kept it to herself.

"Well, I'm really tired. I'm going to go to bed. We have to be at the hospital at 5:30 tomorrow morning," Noah remarked and turned to go upstairs.

"Do you want or need anything?" Lily asked.

"No, I'm just worn out. Good night,"

"Good night. Uh, Noah wait," Lily caught him before he left the living room. He turned back towards her and waited. "Why the conversation? Why today?"

"I have surgery tomorrow. You never know what could happen," he said in a guarded tone before he turned, but turned back to say no more thing. "I still don't want Luke to know, about any of this. I'm asking you both to not say anything. Please,"

"Ok," Lily walked over to him and lightly brushed across his chest. "I may not agree with keeping this a secret, but if you want us to not tell him, we won't,"

"Thank you," Lily stood on her tip-toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. Noah suddenly felt very self-conscious and retreated to his bedroom. He closed the door and walked to his bed. The room was so quiet. He never realized how quiet a house can be. He could still hear house noises; heater turning on, fan in the bathroom down the hall, house settling. Those he heard, but at night, when everyone was asleep, it was so quiet, all he could do was think. It was like that now. With the kids living at the farm indefinitely, it was just him, Lily, and Damian. Not exactly a wild bunch. He lay back and listened, but with nothing to hear, he started to think.

Which led to Luke.

Noah reached for his bedside table and picked up his cell.

"Call Luke," he said into his cell and waited. He waited for the voice that made his inside melt. The voice that always put a smile on his face. The voice that answered the phone.

"Hello?" Luke didn't even look to see who called him.

"Uh, hi Luke," he winced after the words came out. He sounded like he did when they first became friends. Nervous and a bit dorky.

"Hi Noah," Luke said back, he was breathless. Noah had called him.

"How are you?" Noah pushed himself up and leaned against the headboard.

"Good, tired, but good. You?"

"I'm fine. Why are you tired?" Noah inquired.

"Work. I've been busy covering a local election,"

"Sounds important," Noah was fidgeting.

"Well, it's different, but I am really liking it," Luke volunteered and then they both grew quiet. Both of them wanted to say so many things, but didn't want to overstep. Hell, they didn't know what "they" were anymore.

"I miss you," Noah's mouth spoke without checking with his brain. He could hear Luke gasp just slightly.

"I miss you too. SO much," Luke said in that butter soft voice that always curled Noah's toes. Noah dubbed it his "bedroom voice". He knew he had to get off the phone. He had to get off the phone before he said too much.

"I just wanted to call and make sure that you were all right. I better go, I'm real tired and I have a big day tomorrow," he bit his tongue after the words came out. After making sure that Lily and Damian didn't say, he goes and almost spills the beans.

"Oh, ok. I, ah, I'll talk to you later then. Make sure that you take care of yourself, ok. Or I'll have to come home and make sure you do," Luke said with a laugh.

_Please come home._

"Yeah, good night," Noah said and quickly snapped his phone shut. He felt it, that familiar pull in his chest. That pull that got tighter when he thought about Luke. Like the air was being pulled from his lungs and squeezing his heart.

* * *

The next morning Noah lay in his hospital bed and listened to the bustling around him. Even at 7 in the morning, the place was hopping. He could hear nurses at the station outside his door gossiping about the new pediatrician on the third floor. There was a mom telling her son that his cast was going to come off in plenty of time before summer came. He also heard Lily and Damian talking to the doctor before he joined Noah in his room.

"Good morning Noah. How are you?"

"I'm a little anxious Dr. Pierce,"

"Well, Noah I'd be worried if you weren't. But my staff and I know exactly what we are doing and you will in and out in no time. Ok?" He lightly rubbed Noah shoulder to comfort the younger man. Noah let out a deep breath and relax into his gurney. He was suddenly glad that he had been instructed to not eat before hand, he would not have been able to keep anything down. "Ok, Noah, Carrie here is going to take you into the OR and I will meet you there,"

"Noah, we will be here when you get out, ok?" Lily said as she lightly kissed his forehead. Noah could only nod in response.

Noah could see the light changes around him. He passed some windows and then entered another room. He could feel the linoleum tiles under the gurney's wheels. It swayed slightly as they moved, almost like being rocked.

They came to a stop and he waited.

He could hear people moving around him.

He felt an IV being inserted.

He heard door swish open and his doctor's voice.

"All right Noah, I'm right here. Dr. Young, the anesthesiologist, will be helping you relax and when you wake up, you'll be back in your room," Dr. Pierce said and then nodded to the other doctor.

"Ok, Noah. I want you to breathe in real deep and count down from ten for me," said Dr. Young.

Ten

Nine

Eight

Seven; Noah's mind drifted to Luke's face.

Six; that smile he had when he came home from Rome.

Five; the last fight they had.

Four; he forgot what number came next.

I love you Luke.

And he was asleep.


	15. Just Friends

Luke and Scott were sitting in Scott's apartment on his sofa. Luke had pretty much just gutted his entire life story to this poor guy. Well, at least his "Luke and Noah Life Story", but he needed to. He liked Scott and he knew that his actions the other night really hurt him. Luke needed Scott to know that none of this was his fault. It was all him and his screwed relationship with his boyfriend or ex or whatever the hell they were.

"I'm sorry to dump all of this on you," Luke said as he wiped his nose with the Kleenex Scott gave him.

"It's ok," Scott mumbled out.

"No. No it's not. It's just, I wanted you to know that none of this is about you. You're great. I'm the one that's screwed up," Luke said as he fidgeted with his thumb nail while his hands rested in his lap. Scott covered Luke's nervous hands with his. Luke looked up and saw compassion on Scott's face.

"It's no one's fault. It is what it is. Thanks for telling me the truth. I'm sorry if I came on too strong too,"

"You didn't,"

"Oh, yeah. You have no idea what I was thinking when we were making out. After hearing everything you just said, I'm glad that you stopped us," Luke looked as Scott with a furrowed brow so Scott continued. "Don't get me wrong. The sex, would have been **AWESOME**!" Luke could not help but laugh. "But you would have felt guilty and stopped talking to me and then nothing would have come after it. At least now, we can be friends,"

Luke felt like a huge weight had been pulled off his shoulders. Scott wasn't mad at him and he still wanted to be friends. Friends. Luke was excited and relieved that he had someone that he could finally talk to. Even though Luke felt good about what he and Scott were now, he also could feel that he was maybe overstaying his welcome.

"Well, I better go," Luke said getting up. Scott stood up with him and walked him to the door. Scott opened it for him and they stood in silence for a minute. "Thanks again for listening. It feels good to talk to someone about this. You know, someone unconnected,"

"You couldn't talk to anyone at home about this?"

"No one who doesn't have a connection to Noah. Someone unbiased I guess would be right term," Luke said and stepped into the hallway. He got about two steps away and heard Scott call his name.

"Luke?" He turned to face Scott.

"Yeah?"

"Over dinner the other night you said that you were a huge basketball fan. Did you want to come over tomorrow night and watch the Bulls game?" Scott asked and he could see Luke hesitating for a second. "It won't only be me. A few friends are coming over and I thought it would be fun you know, for you," Scott kicked his inner geek, hard. _Fun for you? I am an idiot._ "I mean, you could meet some new people."

"Yeah, sure. What time?"

"About 7?"

"Should I bring anything?"

"No, I think we've got it covered,"

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow,"

Luke and Scott shared a smile and then went into their respective apartments. Luke felt relief that he was finally able to talk to someone about Noah. Someone that didn't know about their past and could actually have an unprejudiced take on everything. There was also the relief that Scott didn't hate him for treating him so bad.

* * *

The next day Luke got to work and was given a great assignment. There were the annual City Council and Mayoral elections in Park Heights. Luke's editor, Sam, asked Luke to interview all the candidates and they were going to run a short feature on each one. Luke was surprised by the assignment, but relished in the opportunity to really show the editor what he could do. He hit the three city council candidates before noon and the four mayoral candidates before 6pm. He hadn't eaten all day, but he didn't even notice that he hadn't. By the time he got back to his apartment, he had time to change into a t-shirt and jeans and walk over to Scott's to be there by the 7:05 tip off.

Luke knocked on the door and a short dark haired guy answered the door. The top of his head came up just shy of Luke eye line. He had his face painted red on one side and black on the other. Luke could see the paint extended under the man's t-shirt collar. Luke wondered if the paint went lower.  But he wasn't **_that_** curious.

"Who are you?" The guy asked and then took a drink of his beer. A loud belch followed right after. Luke was never going to understand straight guys.

"I'm Luke. Scott's neighbor from down the hall," Luke answered back, he tried to keep his attitude at bay. This was one of Scott's friends. _Turn the bitchy off until you get inside._

"Luke! Come on in," Luke heard Scott yell. Short, red, and black stepped aside and let Luke enter. There were about three other guys hanging out in front of Scott's huge flat screen. The game had just started and the other men were deeply engrossed by what was going on. Scott was on the phone, pacing back and forth in the kitchen. He nodded to Luke and went back to his conversation. Luke decided to hang out in the kitchen, at least he knew Scott. Scott's kitchen was set up almost identical to Luke's. Cabinets along two walls and an island with bar stools on the other side. Luke sat at a bar stool and watched Scott cradle the phone against his shoulder.

"Hey don't worry about it man. If you can't come, you can't come. That just leaves beer for the rest of us," Scott laughed as Luke leaned against the counter. "All right. Say hi to Kayla for me," Scott hung up the phone and let out a long breath.

"You ok?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. Shit! My brother's not coming,"

"Is this the brother with the controlling wife?" Luke asked, remembering a conversation they had when Luke was last here.

"Yep. She never lets him do anything. Anyways, let me introduce to the guys," Scott walked around the kitchen island and into the living room. "Guys, I want you to meet my friend Luke. He just moved into the building," Scott said and very faint "heys" were said. "That is Michael," Scott pointed to a thin black guy sitting on the recliner. He was leaning forward and his elbows were resting on his knees. "That is Andy," Scott said as he pointed out a muscular white guy with a short cropped hair cut. He was shoving potato chips in his mouth with one hand while drinking a beer with the other. "This is Will," Scott pointed to a slender guy with black spiked hair; he was the only one to even acknowledge Luke's entrance. "And of course, you met Lyle," Scott said as he gestured to short, red, and black.

"So, are you a fag too?" Lyle asked without even looking away from the TV.

"LYLE!" Scott and Will both yelled at him and he just shrugged.

"Yes, as a matter of fact," Luke answered and left it at that. He then went into the kitchen and grabbed a root beer out of a tub of ice on the counter. Luke turned back in time to see Scott smack Lyle in the back of head. Followed quickly be Will doing the same thing. Scott came up to Luke as he hid in the kitchen. "I'm really sorry about that. Lyle's an asshole,"

"It's ok. Maybe this wasn't a good idea," Luke said. He wasn't the sort to get uncomfortable very easy, but he was now. It wasn't used to it being discussed so openly in front of people he just met. It wasn't the first thing that people found out about him. It's not exactly a conversation starter.

_Hi, I'm Luke Snyder, homosexual. Nice to meet you._

"Just ignore him. I always do," Luke heard Will say as he grabbed a beer and went back to the game. Luke looked to Scott and smiled. He did invite him and he really wanted to be friends. Luke decided to play it by ear. He and Scott joined the rest of the guys.

"Ah, come on. There is no way that's traveling! He only took one step!" Luke yelled at the TV. The second quarter was about two minutes in and Luke was really starting to enjoy himself. He had put Lyle in his place over Bulls trivia. Andy and Michael agreed that Luke was good to have around when Lyle started getting to obnoxious. And Will. Well, Will just thought Luke was **_hot_**.

Luke's cell rang and his dug to get to it before his voicemail picked up.

"Hello?" He didn't even bother to check who it was. Only his family, Casey, and work called on this number. All of whom he would want to talk to.

"Uh, hi Luke,"

"Hi Noah," Luke said. He was trying to sound casual, but he was so glad to hear from him. Noah actually called him. This was a very huge and very good first step. Luke got up and walked into the kitchen as far from the action as he could. Scott heard Luke's excitement that it was Noah and his heart stung just a bit. He knew that Luke was taken, but he was still harboring a crush on the hot blonde. Scott knew that these feelings would go away, but it was still hard to see him that happy when he didn't cause it. And Luke was so happy over just a phone call.

"How are you?" Luke heard on the line as he leaned against the counter in the kitchen. He was standing as far away from Scott and his friends as he could and still be considered in the apartment.

"Good, tired, but good. You?" Luke was trying to keep the conversation going. He didn't care what they talked about…they were talking. That was all he cared about.

"I'm fine. Why are you tired?" Noah inquired.

"Work. I've been busy covering a local election here,"

"Sounds important," Luke was fidgeting. He was nervous and he was wandering in the kitchen, straightening things as he went. He put dirty dishes in the sink; folded a couple hand towels; and wiped down the counter near the sink. He didn't even realize that he was doing it.

"Well, it's different, but I am really liking it," Luke volunteered and then they both grew quiet. Luke was searching his mind for things to say. Anything. He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell him that he loved him and living without him was unbelievably unbearable. That he was miserable all the time and could not wait to come home.

"I miss you," Noah said in a soft voice.

"I miss you too. SO much," Luke said back and he felt his heart clench at the declaration. His hands started to sweat and started to feel dizzy. He had this same feeling the second time he kissed Noah. They were standing in the intern office at WOAK and Noah had just told him thank you for helping him come out. He knew it was coming and Noah was looking at him with such anticipation on his face.

"I just wanted to call and make sure that you were all right. I better go, I'm real tired and I have a big day tomorrow," Noah rushed out and Luke felt like the floor fell out. He didn't know what to say. But he decided to say nothing.

"Oh, ok. I, ah, I'll talk to you later then. Make sure that you take care of yourself, ok. Or I'll have to come home and make sure you do," Luke said with a laugh.

_I want to come home._

"Yeah, good night," Noah said and the line went dead. Luke looked down at his phone and saw the time.

12:37.

They talked for 12 minutes and 37 seconds. They were the best and worst 12 minutes and 37 seconds of his life.

Scott watched Luke's shoulders slump slightly and he slowly slid his phone shut. He pushed the phone his pocket and let out a long breath. Scott got up and met him by the island.

"So, was that him?" Scott was fidgeting with his beer bottle. Pulling and twisting at the label.

"Yeah. I think I better go,"

"You don't have to. Come on the game is only half done. And they're only down by 12,"

"I'm not really in the mood. I kinda just want to be by myself. Thanks for asking me. I had a lot of fun," Luke sounded so down, like he had just lost his best friend. Maybe in Luke's mind he did. Luke said his goodbyes to the guys, called a truce with Lyle, and Scott walked him to the door.

"Call me tomorrow?" Scott said and Luke nodded in the affirmative before he walked down the hall and disappeared into his apartment. Scott went in the kitchen to pour more ice into the beer tub and Will came up next to him.

"When did _he_ move into the building?"

"Last month," Scott said and then looked at his friend. Scott recognized that look. Will always gets this predatory, the-cat-that-ate-the-canary look; especially when a hot guy is mixed in. "No. No. No. NO! No, you will not seduce my neighbor!" Scott said in a harsh whisper.

"Why not?"

"Because he's a friend of mine. A friend I want to keep. Besides he is taken, really really taken," Scott said.

"Right and you don't want anything to happen. Between you too," Will wasn't buying it for one second.

"We're just friends," Will heard what he was saying and just shrugged before he went back to the game.

* * *

Luke shut the door to his apartment and leaned against the door. He couldn't believe it. Noah actually called him. He made a point to reach out to him; unless he missed dialed.

NO!

Luke was going to take this as a good sign. He changed for bed and was asleep before he could talk himself out of his good mood.


	16. A Feeling and Emotions

Luke had an unbelievable feeling of dread when he woke up. He felt so good when he went to sleep the night before. He spoke to Noah; briefly, but it was a start. That conversation had been longer than most of the ones he had tried to initiate when he was still living in Oakdale. Sure they didn't say much, but it was an important first step. He wished that he had been able to talk to him longer, but he knew why he didn't. Luke did not want to push him. Noah took the first step and reached out to him. But Luke was afraid that if he had pushed him farther, the whole thing would have fallen apart. He was going to take what he could right now.

Luke tried to brush off the dread feeling as he drove to work. He tried to shake it free while he worked on the first of his features on the mayoral candidates. He wished that the feeling would just go away. He was so distracted by this feeling that he wasn't watching what he was doing and managed to fill his coffee cup and poured another 8 ounces on his hand. Luke jerked his hand away fast, but the burn was there. The coffee spilled all over the break room's tile floor.

"Dammit!" Luke shouted and then ran cold water over his hand. He thanked his lucky stars that the coffee was several hours old and not fresh. Any fresher and he would have to visit the ER.

"Are you ok?" Sam asked as he started to help Luke clean up the spilt coffee.

"Yeah, I've just had this bad feeling all day. I woke up with it,"

"Well, have your keys?" Luke nodded in the affirmative. He then nodded yes to Sam's suggestion towards birthdays, appointments, or deadlines. They also concluded that it wasn't the weather. Luke could plainly see from their second story office that the sun was out and the snow was slowly fading.

"There's nothing I can think of. I just can't get rid of it," Luke said and shook his body like he was trying to physically shake away the feeling.

"I had that happen once. Woke up with this bad feeling, like something was gonna happen or that I forgot something. Something big,"

"That's it exactly. It's just sitting in the pit of my stomach and I can't shake it," Luke said as he and Sam walked back towards their respective offices. Well, Sam had an office, Luke had a cubicle.

"Never forget that day,"

"What day was it?" Luke asked, what could have happened that he would remember a feeling that he had.

"9/11. The feeling was with me the entire day, from the second I woke up that morning. A full hour before the first plane hit. Take it easy and call home. You'll feel better," Sam said as he went back to his office.

Luke sat at his desk and stared at his laptop. His screen saver had kicked in with those color-tinted bubbles dancing and bouncing across the screen. He thought about what Sam had said. He knew at a 100% certainty that if anything had happened at home, someone would call him. That he knew for sure. He decided that this feeling was his body's reaction to Noah calling, maybe he was homesick. But he had been homesick before, this was different.

"Screw it," he whispered to himself as he pulled out his cell. The clock on his cell read 1:00. He called his mom. He figured that she would be going to or coming from lunch. He could catch her alone. The phone rang three times before she answered.

"Hey mom,"

"Hi honey,"

"So, how is everything?" Luke reclined back in his swivel chair and looked up at the ceiling. The no-longer white ceiling tiles were slightly stained above his desk.

"Just fine baby. How are you?" She sounded distracted. Maybe he was interrupting her.

"I'm fine. Ah, mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you in a meeting? Or busy?"

"No, honey. I'm just putting Ethan down for a nap,"

"Oh, I can call back later,"

"Maybe that would be better. I promise you will get my undivided attention next time,"

"Oh. Ok. Love you,"

"Love you too sweetheart. Talk to you later," Lily said and the line cut off.

Well, that did nothing to alleviate his anxiety.

* * *

Lily looked down at her cell phone and felt incredibility guilty. She had never done that to Luke before. She never turned away from him like that. She knew that it would hurt Luke, but she knew that if she had stayed on the phone any longer, she would have said something. She would let slip that she wasn't putting Ethan down for a nap. She in fact had been sitting on the fifth floor of Oakdale Memorial, watching Noah sleep until her phone rang. She stepped into the hall so she could speak to Luke above a whisper. Noah had been brought out of the OR about one hour before and he was going to be out for a while. Not to mention, she was not suppose to have her cell on in the first place. She dropped her powered down phone into her purse and stepped back into his room.

She breathed a slight sigh when she realized that he had not woken when her cell rang. She stepped close to Noah bed and sat back down. Lily slipped her hand into Noah's and was determined to wait there until he woke up.

Noah felt his hands and then his arms and then his chest. Slowly, ever so slowly, he was waking up. He shifted and felt like his weighed a ton heavier, like he was moving in water. He groaned and tried to sit up. His nearly conscious. He felt like he was on the edge of a dream, fighting to wake up. He could hear voices around him; one he was sure was Lily's.

"He's waking up. Faith, go get a nurse," Lily said and Noah heard the door close. The voices sounded almost like they were traveling through water. Noah drifted back to sleep. He fought to stay awake, but he just could not hold on.

He felt himself waking again; it was two hours later. On instinct he reached up and touched his bandaged eyes. He felt hands on top of his, pulling his away.

"Don't do that Noah. You need to leave them on," said the soft voice of Maddie. How many people were here? Lily wasn't supposed to tell anyone. He tried to speak but his throat was so dry. "Here, drink some water it'll help," he could feel a straw being put to his lips. He sucked gently and felt the cold liquid slide down his desert dry throat. He let out a soft moan as his throbbing throat cooled slightly.

"What are you doing here?" Noah was able to scratch out. "I didn't want anyone to know,"

"Don't be mad. I saw you being wheeled down the hall and I almost attacked Mrs. Grimaldi to get the goods," Noah could almost picture Maddie going after Lily to get some answers. He laughed at the thought of it. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked and then put the straw back to Noah's lips.

"I didn't tell anyone,"

"But I'm not anyone Noah. Does Luke know?" Noah's silence was her answer. "Do you realize how upset he's going to be when he finds out?"

"I didn't want to disappoint anyone,"

"What?" Maddie got up and started to pace. _Do not yell at your blind friend. Do not yell at your blind friend._

"People are already treating me differently. I can tell. If this didn't work, that would be even worse. And I didn't want people fussing over me while I was in here. It takes away whatever independence I have left," Maddie stopped pacing and looked on her friend. He was sitting up in the bed now. His blue gown seemed to make him look even sadder. The white bandages made him look even frailer. "If I told Luke, he would be here,"

"And that would be bad?"

"No. I just, whenever I hear the hurt in his voice, it just kills me. I couldn't go through all of this and have to hear his voice when he found out that it didn't work. I'm going to him tell him, I really will. Just let it be for now, please, Maddie,"

Maddie could tell that her friend was definitely hurting. He was missing Luke quite frankly maybe nearly as much as Luke was missing him.

"Maddie?" Noah asked to the room. She wouldn't just leave.

"All right. But if this blows up in your face, I reserve the right to tell you that I told you so," she poked at his ribs and Noah laughed in response.

"Deal," he smiled as she raised his glass to his lips again.

* * *

Luke got home from work even later than he thought he would. He had just enough energy to pull his shoes off and drop his jacket on the floor. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There wasn't much in there. Few bottles of water, a couple dried out apples, and a leftover pizza that was probably a science experiment now. As he stood there he realized he really wasn't hungry. He couldn't even remember eating at all today. Luke grabbed a bottle of water, wandered into the living room and dropped down onto the sofa. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. He would attempt another call to his mom.

The clock on the living room chimed 7 o'clock and Lily's phone rang. She took her phone off the coffee table and read on the display that it was Luke. She took a deep breath and opened her phone.

"Hey baby,"

"Hi mom," Luke said and felt relief pull some of his dread away. How is it that listening to your mother's voice will calm nerves, lift spirits, and ease pain. He sunk back into the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry about earlier,"

"No, I understand. Other things to do," Luke said. Lily closed her eyes as she heard the hurt in his voice. She wasn't ignoring him, even though that's what it seemed like. Noah needed her so much and she needed to take care of him. Perhaps it was Luke's leaving that made her cling to Noah so much. One son was gone and now she was taking care of another.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine,"

"Luukkee," she drew out his name. She knew he was not telling him the truth.

"Well, this morning I woke up I had this bad feeling that I wasn't able to shake all day. Is everything ok there?" Luke asked and took a drink of water. Lily steeled herself to lie to her first born.

"Everything is fine sweetheart. The kids are great, your father and I are fine, your dad is doing well, your grandmother and Emma are as indestructible as always, and Noah is doing well,"

As soon as he heard his name, he leaned forward on his sofa. His attention had been heighted.

"Is he really ok? I mean really,"

"Of course he is, well, he's the same," she bit the inside of her cheek. She wanted to tell him, but she wanted to respect Noah's wishes and hoped that things worked out. She heard Luke yawn and laughed to herself. "Honey, are you all right? Really,"

"I'm working a bit too hard, but other than that I'm fine. I'm just really tired,"

"Well, you go to sleep and we can talk later," Luke yawned again and decided she was right. He looked at the time and wanted to sleep so badly.

"Goodnight mom,"

"Goodnight baby. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself,"

"I am and I will. Bye,"

"Bye,"

Luke put his cell down on the coffee table and sat back. He relaxed into the sofa and felt the dread begin to pull away from him. He knew that there was nothing wrong. His mom would have told him. There was no way she would keep something from him.

* * *

The next two weeks were more of the same.

Luke working too much and sleeping too little. He was still having a hard time sleeping without Noah, but what else was new. He just could not sleep alone anymore. He was use to having a body against him, warm breath on his neck, arm draped over him. It was like sleeping without a blanket or a pillow; it just didn't work out well. Scott was his only distraction. He was able to relax and just be with him. He didn't think about Oakdale or his family or Noah when they were together. Luke still only saw him as a friend, but it made the day-to-day easier knowing that Scott was there for him.

Noah was getting better from his surgery. He continued to get frustrated. He wanted to get the bandages off, but his doctors wanted to be sure that they gave him time to heal. Dr. Johns told him that if they rushed things, the surgery may be all for naught. He told her that the longer they had wait to find out, they longer Luke had to be gone. He couldn't help but have romantic movie caliber daydreams of showing up at Luke's apartment with roses and his sight.

But this was reality.

Sometimes things didn't work out they way we wanted no matter how hard we tried or wanted them to.

Here he was again. In Dr. Pierce's office. Nervous and anxious. Lily was sitting next to him and Damian was pacing again. Noah was leaning forward with his elbows resting on the knees. This was almost the same scene when they were waiting for his last appointment. Noah was just busting with a flood of emotions. He was worried, anxious, excited, nervous, name the emotion he was feeling it.

"Good afternoon," Dr. Pierce said as he entered the small exam room followed up a young nurse. Noah sat up and rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs. "How are you today?"

"Good. Are they coming off today?" Noah inquired.

"Yes. Unless you want them to stay on?" Dr. Pierce teased.

"No, I'm ready,"

The doctor sat on his rolling stool and pulled himself in front of Noah. Noah could smell the other man's cologne and his mint mouthwash. He just could not calm his bouncing knee as the doctor cut the side of his bandage and begun unrolling the gauze. Everything around him became lighter and lighter, but he had that before the surgery. Dr. Pierce pulled the rest of the bandages off and Noah squeezed his eye tightly shut. This was it. Damian stood just behind the doctor and Lily clung to his arm with a vice-like grip.

"Noah?"

"The light is too bright," Noah winced as the pain of it ran through his head. Dr. Pierce nodded to his nurse and she turned them down slightly. Noah could see that the light was less and slowly opened his eyes.

"All right Noah, let's see," Dr. Pierce said as he put a couple fingers under his chin and pulled his face up to his. "Tell me what do you see?"


	17. Donuts and Pizza

"All right Noah, let's see," Dr. Pierce said as he put a couple fingers under his chin and pulled his face up to his. "Tell me what do you see?"

Noah slowly opened his eyes and moved them about. His breathing was becoming haggard and tears began to roll down his cheeks. Lily could see that he was shaking.

"Oh, god. It didn't work," she whispered to herself. She felt herself wanting to break into tears. Her boys had been through so much in the last few years, they deserved a bit of luck. She buried her face in Damian's shoulder.

"Noah? How are you doing? What do you see?" Dr. Pierce said again as he leaned even closer to the young man.  He could see his pupils reacting to the light above them.

"I can see that you had a donut before you came in here. There's red jelly on your tie," Noah laughed as the doctor looked down and saw that he was right. This made the doctor laugh as well as all those assembled.

"Well, indeed I did. I guess I had that coming. Do your eyes hurt? How about your head?"

"I am getting a headache," Noah said and then closed his eyes.

"You will for a while. Your eyes haven't had to really work for several months. We need to do a few tests, kick the tires, make sure that everything is in proper working order," Dr. Pierce said as he reached for his clipboard and got to work. Lily felt as if she had run for a mile and suddenly stopped. Her legs wanted to give out and she felt like crying. She was glad Damian was there to keep her standing. He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled them to the other side of the room.

Dr. Pierce ran all the same tests that he ran during their pre-surgery appointment. Noah sat as still as he could while the tests went on, but he was bursting at the seams. He wanted so badly to run out of the hospital and scream at the top of his lungs. He had never been this happy before. Actually that wasn't true. The last time he was this happy was January 12th of last year. The first time he and Luke slept together. After 18 months of fighting and breaking up and making up, they finally were in the same place at the same time. The way he felt laying next to Luke after they were both spent and exhausted, is the way he felt right now.

Full of hope and possibilities.

He hoped that he would feel that way again. With Luke.

* * *

Luke sat at the island just off his kitchen and let his mind drift. Things were going really well for him at the work; he had gotten rave reviews from his boss about the profiles he did on the election candidates. He also gotten good feedback about an article he did about the plight of the homeless in small communities. His boss and co-workers loved him. He and Scott were becoming great friends. They hung out several times a week. They actually managed to get through an entire basketball game with Scott's friends; even Lyle. He was enjoying living in Chicago.

But things were still not quite right.

He missed home. He missed Sunday dinners at Gramma Emma's. He missed Ethan, Natalie, and Faith. Luke missed his parents, all crazy three of them. He even missed Casey and all of his woman trouble. Of course, he missed Noah. Even though things were really strained when he left, he still missed him so much. At least he had been able to talk to him a couple times. Luke powered up his laptop and pulled it closer to him. He brought up his "Letters" word document and read back on a few entries.

* * *

_March 6_ _th_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_Scott forgave me. I told him everything. I told him about you and about us. He forgave me. I never meant to hurt him, but I did. I only hope that things between him and me will work out._

_Every time I think about that night. When he and I were making out, I think of you; odd huh? I think about you. About kissing you. Making out with you. About all the hours were able to sneak off together while you lived at the farm. I think we made out in every possible place in the barn and every room of house that didn't have a bed in it. The mere act of making out with you is something that I miss very much right now._

_I wish I was I home._

_I wish we were still together. But the more that we are apart the more I think it won't happen._

_But I still love you._

_Yours Always,_

_Luke._

* * *

_March 7_ _th_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_You called me! I just got off the phone with you. I was at Scott's watching the Bulls game when you called. I wanted so badly to talk to you. I wanted to hear your voice and listen to you tell me how you are. I want so much right now that I can't even begin to think of anything else. I wanted it so badly that I think you must have been able to read my mind or sense how much._

_Of course, all my little insecurities jump back into my head. Why did he call? Did he miss dial? Why did get off the phone so quick? Was there more he wanted to say?_

_But I am so happy right now that you did call that I am not even going to think about them right now._

_I'm going to bed and I hope that I dream about you._

_God knows I'm going to try._

_I love you._

_Luke._

* * *

_March 8_ _th_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_I woke up with this terrible feeling. It was a feeling that I had forgotten something or that something bad was going to happen. A huge sense of dread. "Abandon all hope ye who enter here' kind of a feeling._

_Here is it nearly 9pm and I still can't shake it._

_My boss, Sam, and I talked today and he quizzed me all kinds of things to get me think about what could cause it. I called my mom to make sure nothing had happened, but she assured me that things are good and everyone is well. I just can't get this feeling to go away._

_I know what would have happened if I had this while we were still together. We would have sat on the sofa in our tiny apartment and you would hold me until I was asleep. Just thinking about you holding me, makes me feel better._

_I hope my mom was telling me the truth and that you are all right. She said you were the same. I want so many things for you and I hope that someday you can forgive me._

_Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep._

_I love you._

_Luke._

* * *

_March 19_ _th_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_Sorry I haven't written much. I have been so busy. My profiles on election candidates went real well. And I am glad to say that all of my picks won. I know what you're thinking and No! I was completely impartial and unbiased in my reporting. I can't believe that you'd think that of me._

_What else. OH! I wrote an article about the homeless in small communities and I got a lot of good feedback. Just researching it and interviewing people made me think about the foundation and all the things we did together. Grandmother still keeps me in the loop on foundation business. She forwards me emails and meeting minutes. Of course she also manages to add grandmother-ish notes at the end. I am so lucky when it comes to family. And that includes you._

_I love you_

_Luke_

* * *

_March 21_ _st_ _, 2010_

_Dear Noah,_

_I just don't know what to write today._

_Spring is finally here. The sun is shining and the air is finally warm. You know that warm that makes you glad that made it through winter, but will still give you Goosebumps if you go out without a jacket._

_I opened the windows of my apartment for a little while today. The fresh air made me so calm that I almost fell asleep. Which would be great. I just can't manage to sleep. I'm lucky if I get five hours a night. I think I just miss you so much. I can't sleep without you. Even though you snore. And don't argue with me you do! But I hog all the covers so I guess we're even._

* * *

Luke was about halfway through his letter when he felt his stomach lurch forward. He swallowed, hoping to keep his lunch down. But that didn't work. He made a mad dash for the bathroom and hugged his toilet bowl. Luke sat on the cool tile floor until he heard a knock on the door. He slowly pulled himself to his feet and walked to answer it.

There, standing just outside the door, was Scott holding a large pizza and a plastic bag. Luke could smell the cheese, onions, and sausage. He felt his stomach waved again, which sent Luke running for the toilet again. Scott came inside and closed the door. After placing the pizza in the oven and the sodas in the fridge, he went to check on Luke. He found his friend sitting on the floor, next to the toilet, with is head resting against the wall. He had his eyes closed and was taking in slow deep breaths. Scott went to knees and sat next to Luke. He lightly rubbed Luke's back with one hand and his knee with the other and waited for him to move first.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it's just all of a sudden. I think I'm ok now,"

"Are you sure?" Scott asked and extended his hand to Luke.

"Yeah," Luke said and then slipped his hand into Scott's. He pulled Luke to his feet and walked with him into the living room. Luke sat on the sofa with his feet tucked under him. Scott grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat on the opposite side of the sofa. They sat sideways on the sofa; facing each other. Luke took a slow sip of the water and felt it quench his burning throat. Scott reached out and felt Luke. He touched his cheeks and just under his shirt collar along his collarbone; he wasn't running a fever. Luke took another sip of water and leaned into the back of the sofa. His left cheek rubbed against the fabric and his eyes were real heavy.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, one of the temps came down with the flu the other day. I must have caught it from her. I'm sorry about the pizza and movie. I'm just really tired all of a sudden,"

"Don't apologize. Why don't you get some sleep and we can do pizza tomorrow. The pizza is always better the next day anyway," Scott said; trying to assure Luke that he wasn't disappointed. He helped Luke to his feet and walked with him into his bedroom. After making sure that Luke's phone was close and getting him another bottle of water, Scott slipped out and went to his own apartment.

He's noticed that Luke hasn't been well for a little while now. He was going to be sure that he talked to Luke about it. He wasn't sure if it was due to Noah; missing him and missing home. Or was Luke working too hard to distract himself from thinking about Noah? It was almost like he was trying to prove something. To whom he wasn't sure.


	18. Sight Unseen

Noah looked at the huge, dark glasses that Dr. Pierce gave him. He was really supposed to wear these? He was look like a villain in one of the terrible action movies Casey insisted on watching on movie nights. Dr. Pierce say his hesitation and could not help but laugh.

"I know they're not the most fashionable, but you really should wear them when you can, especially outside. At least for the next week or so. You will notice that light with affect you differently. Your eyes are very weak," Noah nodded as he took in all of what the doctor said. He tucked them into his pocket and waited as the doctor finished. Dr. Pierce made a couple more notes and looked at Noah. "Well, Noah, I have to say that things look very well. The mass I noticed before is gone, but I will keep you on blood thinners for a little while longer to be sure. Your vision looks to be fully restored,"

"Why are things still a bit fuzzy?"

"I like I said earlier, your eyes are pretty weak. We'll wait another week and if things are still fuzzy, you may need to upgrade to glasses," Dr. Pierce pushed up his glasses for emphasis. "Now, I have a few instructions for you. Take your time with reading and watching TV. Do little bits at a time. Make sure you have proper lighting at all times. No trips to the movies for a while. If your eyes start to bother you, take notice of it. Take care of yourself; don't push it ok. There was a lot of trauma to your eyes and they need to take their time to heal. I helped, now they need to take over,"

"Ok. Thank you Dr. Pierce. I don't know what to say," Noah said, trying to keep himself calm.

"Would it be ok if I hugged you?" Lily asked when she realized that the appointment was winding up. Dr. Pierce could not help but laugh. Lily was on her feet while the gray haired man stood up. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him deeply. She was so grateful that things were starting to mend themselves. Noah's vision was restored and he was going to heal from it. Maybe things with Luke could start to heal too. She whispered tearful thank yous into the older man's ear.

"A thank you like that is enough for me. Now, Noah I want to see you here in one week and we will see where we are. If anything changes, you call me right away and come in. Ok?" Noah nodded and slipped his arms into his jacket. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"No. Just thank you so so much," Noah said as he extended his hand and the Dr. Pierce took it in a hearty handshake.

Lily, Damian, and Noah walked out of the hospital and into the parking lot. Even with his dark glasses on, the sun light was still very strong. This was going to be a hard adjustment. As much as Noah wanted to see and look at everything, he really wanted to go home. He was slightly afraid at what his new world held for him. But it wasn't a new world; it was his original world. Why should he be scared of going back to his life?

Maybe it was he who had changed? He was not the same man he was last fall. More importantly, Luke was not here. Luke was not here to share in this big step. He was better. He would be getting much better in the next few weeks and Luke didn't know about any of this.

That one thought made his heartache just enough to make him regret his decision. Why had he not told Luke about his surgery? He told everyone why. He didn't want to disappoint Luke again. He didn't want to hurt Luke anymore than he already had. Lily and Damian were talking to him and he was lost in thought.

"Noah?"

"Huh?"

"Do you need anything?" Lily repeated.

"No. I, uh, my head hurts. I'm going to go lie down for a little while," Noah said and Lily nodded. Noah turned and reached for his cane. It took him about 2.5 seconds to realize what he was doing. He didn't need this anymore. He smiled slightly and went up the stairs, unassisted.

He stepped into his room and shut the door. He leaned against it slightly and let out a long breath. He was tired but he didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to shut his eyes. He wanted to keep them open for as long as he could. He didn't want to be in the dark anymore. He wanted to see everything that he could. He walked across the room and sat on his bed. He looked at everything. He looked at the light brown color of the carpet. The dark shade of blue of his bed spread; he remembered borrowing it for his film shoot. He looked behind him and saw something leaning against the wall. He slowly got up and walked around to the other side of the bed. There against the wall was a large framed picture. Noah turned it around and sat down on the bed to look at it.

The poster for "Best Years of Our Lives" was beautiful. It was just Fredric March and Myrna Loy embracing, but it was an original print. The colors were still bright and clear. Someone took great care of it. He looked closer and could see that there were two signatures across the middle. Thinking about how much trouble Luke went through to get this made his heart miss him so much. He saw that the envelope that Luke put with the gift was tucked into the frame along the bottom. He pulled it free and looked at the simple "Noah" scrawled across the cream envelope.

Luke's swift writing.

He opened the envelope and pulled out the note. He carefully unfolded it and read it. He knew what it said from Lily reading it to him, but he wanted to look at the words with his own eyes. He read the note over and over again. He wanted so much to talk to Luke. He slid across the bed and grabbed his cell.

And this time he actually dialed his number; with his own hands.

* * *

Scott knocked on the door and Luke answered almost immediately. He could see from his face that he was feeling better. He had color in his cheeks and that brilliant sparkle in his eyes. He was Luke again. His boss had insisted that he take a few days off and Luke did not hesitate to agree. He slept for like an entire day and was starting to feel like himself again.

"You must be feeling better," Scott said with a laugh.

"So much! My appetite is still not there, but hey I haven't thrown up for," he looked at his watch, "nearly ten hours,"

"That's something,"

"I'll say," Luke said and then stepped aside to let Scott inside. Luke shut the door and went into the bedroom. "Give me five minutes and I'll be ready,"

"You got it," Scott said as he sat down on the sofa. In the short time that he had known Luke, Scott had come to several conclusions.

One – he was a caffeine fiend.

Two – he wore more hair products then most people.

Three – Luke was never on time.

Scott sat and laughed to himself. It was Luke's cell that brought him back. It was sitting on the coffee table and was making a lot of noise. Who has Dancing Queen as a ring tone? Sometimes Luke was _**really**_ gay. Scott grabbed it and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, uh," Noah was sure that he had dialed the wrong number, but he used his phonebook. This was Luke's number. "Is Luke there?"

"He's in the bedroom right now, can I take a message?"

"No, thanks," Noah said and then hung up. He had to. He felt his heart stopping and did not want Luke's new boyfriend to hear him cry.

Scott then saw Luke come, practically running from down the hall. He grabbed his coat and then latched onto Scott's wrist.

"Come on! If we're going to see the previews, we have to book it!"

"Luke, huh…"

Luke cut him real quick, "You can tell me in the cab," and he then ushered them out of the apartment.

The phone call was quickly forgotten with the rush to get to the theatre before the new Jennifer Aniston movie started.

Noah didn't forget it though. He gripped his phone for who knows how long before his hand started to hurt.  He dropped his phone onto the carpet and didn't bother to pick it up. 

He was too late.

He lay on his side and curled in on himself; pulling his knees close to his body.

The tears quickly came, followed by sleep.


	19. A Trip Planned

The next week Noah went in to see Dr. Johns as usual. It was the first time actually seeing her. He sat in her waiting room and took in everything. Her carpets were a soft cream color and the walls were a darker beige. All to give that calming effect. You didn't see too many doctors office painted a bright red. The windows were facing north and got a nice flow of sunlight from the spring sun. There were tranquil beach and forest paintings on the walls and everything the room suggested relaxation. It almost reminded Noah of a spa.

The door opened and Noah got to see Dr. Johns for the first time. She was about 45, with medium length curly hair. Her eyes were light green and she had an easy smile. She sort of reminded Noah of Lily. She was a very attractive woman.

"Hi Noah,"

"Hi Dr. Johns," he said with a smile. It was the first time she had really seen him smile. Of course, there were moments where she saw a smirk or half smile, but that usually involved him telling her a story. This was an unprovoked, natural smile. She smiled back as he entered her office.

Noah sat down and the doctor sat across from him.

"Well, what should we talk about?" She asked and they both started to laugh. "How does it feel? Being able to see again?"

"It's great. I never realized how much I took for granted before."

"Like what?"

"Like, how blue the sky gets when winter's over. Or how much plaid I have in my wardrobe," he said to get a laugh out the doctor. It worked.

"I had noticed that one."

"That's nothing. Every shirt Luke owns has stripes on it," he said without thinking and then had to swallow back the lump in his throat.

"Six minutes. I think that might be a record," Dr. Johns said as she looked at her watch. "Have you talked to him lately?"

Noah shook his head to answer her.

"I called the day after the Dr. Pierce gave me the all clear. But ah."

"But what, Noah?"

"Another guy answered his phone. Said he was in the bedroom. I hung up right after that."

"Why?"

"I freaked out. I wanted to talk to him, to tell him how I was doing, to just hear his voice, but when I heard that other guy's voice…I couldn't think,"

"Well, it's been a week. What are you thinking now?"

"That I'm too late. I let him get away," his voice was so sad and grave.

"You told me yourself that you and Luke had been through so much. A marriage, your father, do you really think that Luke would give up on you so easy?"

"I didn't exactly make it hard for him to leave. I was distant and angry. More importantly I was cruel and I was cruel when I wasn't even trying," he was hitting some real good points and the doctor just let him talk. "I am glad that I couldn't see because to see the look on his face when I said the things I did...." he stopped; he voice caught in his chest.

Dr. Johns stayed quiet.

"To see his face when I said the hurtful things I did, to see his heartbreak over and over…I don't think I would be able to handle that. Just thinking about it is enough," his eyes were trying desperately to keep his tears from falling. "Thinking back on it now, I'm surprised he stayed as long as he did. Maybe Casey was right,"

"About?"

"Luke had to leave me to save himself."

"I'm not sure that's true."

"I am. When you can't see, all you can do is think. Luke has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. Just seeing him with his family, you would understand. I hurt him, most of the time, on purpose. He hadn't left, the Luke that I fell in love with, would not exist anymore."

"Noah, I think you're being too hard on yourself. You went through a very traumatic experience; it is only natural to lash out at those responsible."

"But that's just it. It wasn't Luke's fault," Noah said and Dr. Johns could see the realization come across his face. He let out soft laugh and looked at his feet. "It wasn't his fault."

"You wanna know what I think?" She asked and Noah raised his eyebrow. "I think that you are being too hard on yourself and anyone who loves you would agree with me. If Luke loves you half as much as you say he does, he would forgive you in a heartbeat," she leaned back in her chair and let him digest that. She glanced at her watch and saw that their session was almost over. "If what you are saying is true, don't you think that you owe it to yourself to find out for sure that Luke has moved on? I can see that he is extremely important to you and who you have become; I think having someone like that in your life is very vital to your recovery. In any capacity."

Noah left the office and thought about what the doctor said as he rode down to the lobby. He thought about it as he left the building and got into a cab. It was true that he missed Luke every single second. The whole, "First thing he thought of in the morning and last thing he thought of before bed" thing. He wanted Luke to be back with him, but if he was happy now…he wasn't going to get in the way of that. But he was also not going to just stand by either.

* * *

He arrived at his destination and rode the elevator up to the 15th floor. He entered the office and was surprised by how many people worked here. He was so use to just seeing a handful of office workers at the many times he was here. Noah could feel his hands sweat as he could closer to the huge wooden doors outside her office. What if she says no? He decided to chance it and knocked.

"Come in," he heard called out. He made sure his hands were dry and entered the office.

"Hello darling, what can I do for you?" She asked as she took off her glasses and set them down on her desk. Noah closed the door and walked across the room to her. She looked up at him with a loving, but worried gaze.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Walsh. I need a small favor,"

* * *

The next day the sun was shining and the temperature was 75 degrees. Well, Luke's computer said it was 24 degrees Celsius. He really had to sit down and figure out how to change that. All he knew was it was warm. He put his heavy parka in the closet and grabbed for his light army jacket. He ran his hands through his hair; he really needed a haircut; and left to meet Scott. After almost a month of moping and not being able to eat much, Luke was finally feeling good.

Work was going great.

He was making a lot of good friends and the weather was finally warm.

What was there to complain about?

He still missed Noah every single day, but how was he to do anything about it while he was here. He sat down at the little coffee shop that he and Scott stumbled on while shopping one day. It was a real relaxing place. Funny considering that they sold a highly addictive legal stimulant. There was a bean roaster in the front window and the smell inside was enough to get his mouth watering. He walked further inside, ordered his usua,l and grabbed a table right by the windows. He was early. He was never early; even he was amazed by that. Luke leaned forward on the table and took a long sip of his coffee.

He had come to a decision and was waiting for Scott to show up so he could talk to him about it.

Scott came in right after the thought went through him. Scott got his coffee along with a double chocolate muffin and joined Luke. Luke laughed at Scott. The muffin was the size of a softball.

"Well, I've come to a decision," Luke said and he saw Scott's eyebrows perk up. "I'm going to go home. At least for the weekend,"

"I think that's a great idea,"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I've seen your face when you get off the phone after talking to someone from home. You make _me_ homesick for Oakdale," Scott took a huge bite of his muffin and offered some to Luke; who declined. "Still not hungry?" Scott asked with a concern heavy voice.

"I ate before I left home," Luke lied. He heard the concern in Scott's voice. He had been feeling sick for some time, but with his flu gone, he was sure that his appetite would come back on its own. "So are you going to ignore what I asked you the other night?" Luke asked. Scott looked at him as if he was clueless. Luke gave him trademark eye roll and smirk. "When are you going to ask Will out?"

"I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Oh come on! He is _so_ in love with you. Why do you think that he hits on guys right in front of you?" Luke asked and then burst into a fit of laughs.

Scott suddenly felt very uncomfortable. He had mentioned to Luke that he and Will had a hot night a couple years ago, but for Luke to think that Will was in love with him was crazy. He was about to make a point of calling him nuts, when he saw Luke stare off. He looked over his shoulder and saw the back of a dark haired man leave the coffee shop.

"Are you ok? Who was that?"

"I don't know. He looked familiar," he said as he got up. He walked around the table and Scott got up behind him. They walked across the coffee shop toward the door. "It official, I've decided. This weekend I'm going to go home,"

* * *

The next moment was like in slow motion.

Luke screamed and knees gave out. He fell into an empty table and sent everything on it to the hard wood floor; shattering all the glass to pieces.

"Luke!" Scott slid to Luke's side and rolled him onto his back. His face was twisted in pain and he was holding his stomach. Scott could see veins bulging in his neck and his face was getting redder by the second. "Call an ambulance!" He yelled at the barista behind the counter. "What's wrong? Talk to me. Luke?" He tried to keep his voice as calm as he could, but inside he was freaking out. Luke was thrashing back and forth. His left arm had a tight grip around his stomach while his right had a huge hold on Scott's jacket sleeve. Scott ran an hand over his cheek to calm him; Luke's skin was cold and clammy to the touch.

Luke felt like his insides were on fire. The shooting pain that rocked through his body was like nothing he ever felt. He looked up at Scott, but he couldn't speak. He wanted to tell him what was wrong, but in a second, everything was black.


	20. One Step Closer

Noah stood just inside Lucinda Walsh's office at WorldWide. His palms were sweating and he was wringing his fingers. He could not stop fidgeting. He felt like a kid being sent to the principal's office. Lucinda Walsh was a force of nature in a thousand dollar suit. She ate guys like Noah for breakfast. But she was also one of the most loyal and loving women he had ever met. She doted on her family and especially her grandson Luke. He knew the next part of his recovery would be talking to Luke and he was going to need help with that.

"Hello darling, what can I do for you?" She asked as she took off her glasses and set them down on her desk. Noah closed the door and walked across the room to her. She looked up at him with a loving, but worried gaze.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Walsh. I need a small favor," Noah said and he saw her eyebrow arch up. He had her attention.

Lucinda was intrigued. She had known Noah for quite some time and he never asked for help. He was much like her grandson that way. Noah was always adamant about doing things himself. She respected him for that. Possibly the only good trait he got from his bastard of a father.

"I must say, you have my attention, my dear boy,"

"I thought I might." Noah laughed lightly and swallowed before he continued.  "As you can tell, my eye sight is better,"

"Lily told me that the operation was a success. I am very happy for you,"

"Thank you. But I wanted to ask you for a favor. I want to go see Luke and I…,"

"Say no more. I think I know where you're going with this," she said as she stood up and walk around her desk. He was nervous and glanced down at the floor. She was barefoot. She had kicked her high heels off as she sat at her desk. This very human action on her part made her less intimidating. Noah felt himself relax. He smiled slightly and looked back up to meet her gaze.

"I will arrange for a WorldWide jet to take you to Chicago as well as a car to meet you at the airport. I assume that you have not been cleared for driving yet?"

"No, ma'am. I have to wait six months to be medically cleared,"

"Ok. I will also make sure that you have a place to stay. Just in case. Now, that does not mean that you have to use it," she said with a wink. Noah could not help but blush. She was actually suggesting that he stay with Luke. It wasn't every day that Luke's grandmother pushed him to sleep with Luke. This conversation was getting a bit too open for him.

"I'll pay you back for everything," he said. But Lucinda would have nothing of it.

"No, you won't. You go and bring my grandson home. That will be more than enough payment for me. You hear me?" She said with a smile.

"Yes, Mrs. Walsh," he answered back with a smile of his own.

"Now, you go and pack, while I make the arrangements for you. Come back in one hour," she said and then walked back around her desk and got on the phone. Noah nodded and turned to leave. He was but one step out the door when he heard her voice.

"Noah?" He turned back to face her. "Don't call me Mrs. Walsh. Makes me feel old. You are family, you can call me Lucinda," she said and then winked at the young man. Noah could not help but smirk and quickly ducked out. Lucinda got on the phone with her travel agent and started make the arrangements. She was so glad that Noah was finally getting off his ass to fix what was broken between him and Luke. She had not interfered in the problems with Luke and Noah as much as she wanted to. Luke told her before he left to not try anything. No secret fix-up's or rendezvous'. _Just leave it alone_ , were his exact words. But now she could interfere. Noah had asked for her help and that was what he was going to get.

* * *

Noah walked into the house and Lily came out of the kitchen to meet him. His appointment should have been over 45 minutes ago. She was worried about him, but she fought the urge to call to check up on him. He was finally getting some freedom back after almost six months of having a constant shadow. She didn't have the heart to take that away from him.

"Noah, are you ok? I was starting to worry,"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I went to see Lucinda," even saying her name to a third party felt odd. But he would have to get over it. Once Lucinda Walsh insists, you just go along with it. Noah hung his coat up and saw that Lily was surprised and little confused. "I asked for her help. I'm going to Chicago to see Luke."

Lily fought the urge to jump up and down like a little girl and hug him senseless. She was sure that her huge grin was enough of a hint to show Noah that she was happy about this.

"She's arranging everything. I'm supposed to be back at WorldWide in about 45 minutes and I still have to pack," he said as he walked through the living room. He had so many things running through his head right now and he did not want to make Lucinda Walsh wait for him. Lily let him rush upstairs to pack for his trip.

* * *

Ten minutes later Noah came back down with a small carry-on bag. Lily had not moved. She wanted to see him off. Noah looked a like a five year old going to his first day of school. He was excited but still very nervous. He saw Lily standing there and could not help but smile.

"Say hi to my son from me. Tell him to call me,"

"I will," Noah stepped toward the door and stopped in his tracks. He pulled open his bag and tore through its contents. He was looking for something. He wanted to be sure that he packed it. Lily looked at him and she wanted to help, but how. He had his bag nearly all unpacked before he realized he left it in his room. He dropped his bag and ran back up to his room; taking the stairs two a time.

There sitting on the desk was what he was looking for. It had been there for all these months and he wanted to be sure that he brought it with him. He palmed it and went back downstairs.

"Find what you wanted?"

"Yeah, I almost forgot it. I'll make sure that I tell Luke to call you,"

"Have fun; be careful. And Noah?" She called out as he was halfway out the door.

Noah turned back to her.

"Yeah?"

"Just tell him what's in your heart. Ok?" Lily gave him a half smile, a little peck on the cheek, and light caress on his arm. Noah bowed his head to hide his blushing and stepped out to meet Lucinda.

* * *

Noah held the folder Lucinda's agent had given him close to his side. He was to take the jet and there would be a driver waiting on the tarmac at O'Hare. There was also a piece of Lucinda's office stationary tucked inside the folder. When he was safely belted into his seat on the jet, he opened the folder and pulled out the slip of paper. There, scribbled in Lucinda's fluid handwriting, was Luke's address. It was one of the conditions of Luke's leaving Oakdale; Lucinda was paying for Luke's apartment. Lucinda told Noah it was only way that everyone would be satisfied with Luke leaving home alone. Lucinda said she and Lily would take care of the foundation if, and only if, she could pay for Luke to live in a nice, safe place.

Noah smiled at the thought of Luke arguing with Lucinda over this point. Both of them were stubborn to the core.

He ran his fingers over the black ink. This was Luke's home now. These short sentences were where he would find out if his future had Luke in or not.

By the time he landed in Chicago it was nearly eight and he was tired. He stepped into the "car" that Lucinda promised him. If this was a car, he had wings. It was a stretch limo with a sunroof and mini bar. He never felt so out of place in his jeans and layered t-shirts in his life. He reached into his bag and made sure it was still there. He took a breath; it was safely tucked into the side pocket. He breathed out a soft sigh and leaned back into seat. He told the driver to take him to the hotel that Lucinda booked for him.

Noah suddenly was nervous. If this was her version of a car, then he was afraid to see the hotel.

And there was a reason for that.

The first thing Noah noticed when they pulled up in front of his hotel was the huge, round, stained glass window in the middle of the hotel façade. The first seven or eight floors of the hotel looked like something out of movies from the 40's; all stone and ornate. The remaining forty floors were all glass. The sun had nearly set and it cast a purplish glow off the building.

"This is where I'm staying?" He asked no one, but the driver answered.

"Yes, sir. Mrs. Walsh said The Four Seasons."

He walked into the lobby and felt even more out of the place. It was wall to wall marble. Inlayed and glossy, this place was way out of his price range. He had a feeling a night's stay here was his weekly wage at Java, but that was not important.

He was here just to sleep tonight, because tomorrow his was going to see Luke.

Sleep did not come that night. He managed to fall asleep about 4am, but that only lasted about 8am. He was able to get some breakfast into him and made a call to the car service Lucinda hired from him. He insisted on a normal car; one that did not have its own liquor license.

He asked the driver to pull up about half a block from Luke's building, but he just sat there. His nervousness was over powering. He just could not make himself open the door.

What would he say?

How would he approach the whole surgery question?

Would Luke shut the door in his face or would Noah just kiss him until he couldn't breathe?

Noah was hoping for the later and not the former. He sat on Luke's street for almost a half-hour before he was finally able to pull the door handle and open the door. His right foot touched the pavement and as he stood there with one foot still in the car, he saw Luke come out of the building.

And Noah nearly stopped breathing.

He looked just he had remembered. He had his messenger bag hanging across his body and his blonde hair blew back in the breeze. Noah quickly got back in the car and slammed the door shut. And he finally got to say something that every movie geek is dying to say.

"Follow that guy,"

The driver nodded in the affirmative and started down the street. Noah had never been so glad for traffic. They were able to blend into the background. They rode about one car length away from Luke for about five blocks until Luke ducked into a coffee shop. Noah laughed; of course it would be coffee. He sat in the car and saw Luke sitting near the window. He still took Noah's breath away.

Noah got the cell number from the driver and got out. This was it. He could feel his heart racing as he walked up the block to the coffee shop. He entered the place and stopped at the door. His feet wouldn't move. He snuck back and sat down across the coffee shop in a booth. He could see Luke sipping his coffee and playing with the cream packets on the table. Luke was always building little towers with the small white containers. He remembered putting them back after each visit Luke made to Java. Noah smiled while he watched him. It had been nearly six months since he had seen Luke and Noah could not help but stare. He was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He was wearing his army jacket that hugged his torso in all the right places. His hair was getting way too long. Luke kept brushing it out of his eyes. The only reason Noah liked Luke's hair long was when he got to brush it off his face; especially right before he kissed him. It was like opening a curtain to a beautiful view. Just when he had gotten enough courage to walk up to him, a blonde guy walked from the counter and then sat at Luke's table.

Noah felt that stab in his chest again. Was this the guy that answered Luke's phone? They seemed real relaxed around each other. Noah saw Luke laugh at "blondie" and he teased him back. Noah felt any self-confidence he had built up over the last two weeks slowly leaving his body. He was suddenly that scared guy that he was when he met Luke. Unsure and confused. The only thing he was sure of was that he had to get out the there. He pulled out his cell and called the driver. He decided that he would wait outside. He got up and was out in the spring air before he lost it in the coffee shop in front of Luke.

The driver showed up a few minutes later and he was quickly ushered to the hotel. He didn't even hear the ambulance pull up in the background. Noah got into the elevator and into his room real quickly. He shut the door and nearly collapsed against it. He had been running on adrenaline since yesterday and a night of nearly no sleep was catching up to him. He felt fifty years older. He was packing his bag to fly back when his cell rang. He looked at the display and saw "Lily".

"Hi, Lily. I'm on my way back…," he quickly said before she even had a chance to ask anything about Luke.

"No, Noah, stay there," her voice was panicked and she sounded out of breath. "I just got a call from Norwegian-American Hospital; Luke was just brought into the emergency room,"

Noah felt his legs give out; he landed on his knees in the middle of the hotel room. He couldn't speak; he just listened to Lily's desperate voice.

"Go to the hospital and stay with him. It'll take us a few hours to get there. We're taking one of WorldWide's jets and we will get there as soon we can. Just…just be there for my baby. Please," she was near tears and her voice was shaking; Noah wasn't too far off.

"I promise, I'll go now," he snapped his phone shut and ran out the door.

He needed to see him.

No matter what happened next.


	21. Waiting in Limbo

Noah was out of the car and through the emergency room doors before the car came to a complete stop. He was surprised by the rush of people he had to get go through to get the nurse's desk. He really wasn't thinking about anything, just getting to Luke. He slipped past a woman demanding someone look at her cut hand. There was an older woman manning the desk. She was about 50 years old and looked like she had seen it all. Her hair was a soft grey and pulled back into a bun. Her reading glasses were resting on her noses as she looked up from computer monitor.

"Ma'am, we are working as fast as we can. The bleeding has stopped and someone will get to you,"

"Excuse me ma'am?" Noah tired to be polite, but he was really working at it.

"No! I have been standing here for forty-five minutes! Do you know who my husband is?"

"No ma'am I don't. I don't care if he is the Governor, please take your seat," the nurse said to the other woman. Noah did not have time for this!

"Excuse me!" Noah yelled. Both women stopped as well as half dozen others around him. "I just need to know about a patient that was brought here by ambulance. Please," he said through gritted teeth. "After she answers my question, you can go back to yelling about how important your husband is, ok?" He said to the woman standing next to him. The nurse gave him a onceover and smirked at his tenacity.

"How can I help you?" The nurse asked. She was glad that he was able to get the rich witch to shut up for two seconds.

"I need know about a patient that was brought in by ambulance about forty-five minutes ago,"

"Name?" She asked and he heard her clicking her long nails across the keys.

"Luke Snyder," Noah was drumming his fingers on the counter. His adrenaline was pumping and he could not help but fidget.

"Relation?"

"I'm his brother," Noah answered. Not exactly a lie, but he was stretching the truth. The whole adoption thing was a bit ridiculous, but he was going to use it to his advantage. The nurse continued to click at the keys and Noah heard the computer beep softly.

"He was taken up to the third floor for scans. There is a waiting room on that floor. I'll let the attending on duty know that you are there. Take this hallway to the elevators and get off on 3," she reached over the counter to direct him to the elevators. Noah said a quick thank you and ran for the elevators. As he waited for the elevator he could hear bleeding woman get into it again with the nurse. The noise of the ER was drown out as the doors closed.

Noah found the waiting room and could not sit for long. The room looked like any other waiting room in any other hospital. The floors were a grey Berber carpet, kind that's easy to clean. The walls were a soft beige on top with a grayish pink on the bottom. The two colors were set off by a grey and pink wallpaper border. The chairs were along the three walls while the forth wall was open to the hallway. He sat in the chair at the farthest end of the little room. This gave him a clear view of the nurses' station and anyone coming. The place had that same medicine smell that makes everyone uneasy. He would get up and pace every ten minutes or so. He looked at the clock and saw it had been about two hours since Lily had called him. His cell rang and the sudden noise startled him.

"Hello?"

"Noah? Where are you?"

"Mr. Snyder. I'm on the third floor in a waiting room," he heard Holden telling those with him what he just heard and the phone cut out. He knew that he would soon be surrounded by an army of Snyders.

Noah sat in his chair and leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. He heard them before he saw them. Lily was the first one to round the corner and come into the small waiting area.

"Noah," she called to him; he could tell she had been crying. He stood up and they were in each other's arms before either one could think of anything else. They shared a long hug while the others came into the lounge area and stood around them.

"Have you heard anything?" Holden asked. Noah let go of Lily, but kept an arm around her shoulders. She clung to him and he could feel her shaking like a leaf.

"No. I have been here for over 90 minutes and no one had come out yet," Noah told him and Holden marched over to the nurses' station with Damian right behind him. Noah then felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. He looked down and saw Natalie; her right ear against his stomach. Noah removed his arm from Lily and reached down to Natalie. He slipped his hands under her arms and pulled her up to his chest. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she buried her face in his neck. His arms went around her body; hers around his neck. He could hear her sniffling. He made soothing sounds, made light cycles on her back, and paced around a bit with her. He kept an eye on Damian and Holden; hoping that they get an update soon. He looked over at the small line of chairs along one wall. There sat Faith, Lucinda, and Lily. Ethan must still be in Oakdale with Emma. It really hit Noah in this moment, that this is what family means. Everyone coming together a moment's notice when one is in need. He felt Natalie tighten her hold around his neck and rubbed his cheek against her hair. He felt a bit of peace as he comforted the little girl.

Holden and Damian were still at the nurses' station when a very tired doctor came out of the double doors that only hospital personnel are allowed through. Everyone in the waiting area turned towards the doctor as he came closer. You could feel the tension in the room get jacked up to eleven.

"I assume you are all here for Luke Snyder?"

"How is he doctor?" Holden asked.

"I need to speak with his parents," he said as he gestured towards one of the smaller waiting room across the hall. Lily, Holden and Damian went with the doctor and they closed the door. Noah fought every urge he had, but he was not going to be left out of this. He handed a dozing Natalie to Lucinda and crossed the hall in two steps to the closed door. He opened it and looked in to see the three parents just sitting down and the doctor sat across from them. "I'm sorry. This is private,"

"No. I need to be in here," Noah said quite plainly with strong conviction as if it was fact. The doctor was about to protest again, but he was quickly cut off.

"It's all right," Holden said and Noah internally breathed a sigh of relief. He closed the door and stood next to Lily and waited for the doctor to continue. Lily reached up and took Noah hand in hers. He felt grounded and ready to listen.

"Luke came in suffering from severe abdominal pain. We ran every test we could and it seems that Luke has gone into renal failure,"

"Oh my god," Lily gasped and a hand covered her mouth in shock. Holden let out a long shaking sigh. Damian bowed his head and coughed to cover his unsteady breathing.

"Someone is going to have to tell me what that means," Noah said to the room in a desperate voice. "Someone please tell me what is wrong with Luke."

"It means his kidney is shutting down," Holden answered without looking up. Noah felt like his legs were numb. His entire body was going cold.

"How did this happen? What caused this?" Lily was finally able to ask when she calmed herself down.

"From what we can tell, he developed an infection that went untreated for quite some time. And because he was in a weakened state, the infection attacked his kidney. Causing the renal failure," the doctor laid out. Noah felt like his entire world had been pulled out from under him. He was finally better and was willing to beg Luke for forgiveness and now Luke was sick. The doctor continued with his questions.

"Did any of you notice anything different with his health?"

"Like what?" Damian asked.

"Weight loss, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, back pain, he would been feeling tired or weak, trouble sleeping or concentrating; any of this sound familiar?"

"All of the above," Noah said and the others looked at him for a moment. "At Christmas Emma asked Luke if he was feeling all right. She said he looked pale and it looked like he had lost some weight,"

"That was five months ago. Was there anything else?" The doctor asked and Damian didn't quite like his tone.

"What are you insinuating doctor? That we were negligent,"

"I am just trying to get a time frame for his symptoms. If I can determine how long he had feeling sick, then I can determine the best way to treat him,"

"What do you mean treat him?"

"There are new drugs that maybe able to reverse the damage. We have him on dialysis right now, but we need your permission to execute the new regime,"

"Do anything, please." Lily begged as she tightened her grip on Noah's hand. The doctor nodded and left the room. They sat in silence before Holden stood up.

"How could you not have not seen something?" He asked Lily.

"What?"

"My son was living with you and _no one_ seemed to notice that he was sick?" Holden stood up and started pacing now. Lily and Holden were now face to face arguing over whose fault it was.

"STOP IT!" Noah yelled; everyone in the waiting room even heard it and the arguing stopped right there. "Luke got sick and we didn't know because everyone was worried about me, including Luke. So, if you want to blame someone, blame me," he said in a raised voice and left the room; slamming the door behind him. He looked into the waiting room and saw Lucinda still holding a sleeping Natalie with a scared Faith sitting next to her. He couldn't be in here anymore. He walked down the hall to the bank of elevators. He hit the down button with a closed fist and entered the elevator. He needed air.

As soon as he got outside, he suddenly wanted to be inside. The weather was warm, but Noah wasn't it. He had broken into a cold sweat while the doctor spoke and now he was freezing. He couldn't calm down. He heart was racing and he was having trouble breathing. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but then he realized what it was.

He may lose Luke.

Not to another guy or city, but forever. He had ruined everything between them. He always thought he would time to fix things, but his time maybe running out. And what was he doing; he was standing outside. He turned around and went back upstairs. He got off the elevator and went straight to the waiting room. Lily was now holding Natalie; Holden, Damian, and Lucinda were talking to each other. They all saw Noah enter the room and walk over to Lily. He crouched down and lightly rubbed Natalie's back.

"I'm sorry for losing my temper,"

"It's all right. We're all scared and none of us blame you," her hand reached out and covered his. "There's no one to blame in any of this. We'll all just be here until he wakes up," as the words left her lips, the double doors opened and a nurse came into the waiting room.

"We've moved Luke to a private room. You can see him if you follow me," she said and was followed by the assembled party that was not going to leave the hospital until Luke did. Lily carefully woke Natalie up and stood to join the others. They all walked in silence until they came to Luke's room. It was like something out one of those horror movies that Luke loves so much. You knew something terrible was beyond the door, but his only choice was to go in.

"You can see him, but keep the groups small. He really needs his rest. If you need anything, the call button is on his bed rail," the nurse said before she turned and walked down the hall.

"Well, how about Faith, Natalie, and I go in and say goodnight. I can take them to The Four Seasons and get some rooms for all of us," Lucinda said as he took the girls hands and led them into the room. They were out in about five minutes. Faith looked a bit paler and Natalie looked like she was sleepwalking.

Lily, Holden, and Damian went next. They were in there for a bit longer and Noah started to pace back and forth. They left the room and Lily touched Noah's arm.

"I'll clear it with the nurses. You can stay as long as you want," she said and then pulled Noah into a hug. She gave a soft peck on the cheek and followed the others down the hall. Noah rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans and let out a long breath before he went inside.

The curtains were drawn and the lights were on the dimmest setting. Luke was lying on his back and the blankets were pulled right up to his chest. He looked like a ghost. His skin was so pale against his light hair. He stepped closer and pulled a chair beside the bed. He sat down and just looked. He could hear the machines functioning around him and Luke's soft breathing. He wanted to touch him, but he was afraid of pulling a wire free or screwing up an IV. This reminded him of when he visited him in the hospital after that awful fishing trip. His father nearly killed him and Luke was paralyzed for a couple months. But he was so strong and vital then, now he was so fragile and weak.

Noah slid his hand under Luke's that was resting next to his hip. Noah figured it was a safe place to try. Luke stirred slightly, but stayed asleep. Hearing Luke breath and the beep of the heart monitor was enough to slowly rock Noah to sleep.

He woke up the next morning with a blanket draped over him. One of the nurses must have felt sorry for him. He looked at Luke and saw that he was still asleep and Noah's hand had not moved. He leaned forward and felt his back seize up. He groaned softly and winced as he tried to stretch it out.

"Just how comfy is that chair?" Noah heard Luke say and he felt his heart flip flop. He grabbed the call button and a nurse came in. Noah was quickly ushered out and a doctor came in.

Noah paced in front of the door; waiting for any news. The door opened and a couple nurses came out getting instructions from the doctor. Noah reached out and touched the doctor's shoulder. He turned back to face Noah.

"How is he?"

"Well, he seems to taking to medicine quite well, but we are not out of woods yet. The next 24 hours are pretty critical,"

"Can I go back in?"

"Sure, just make sure you don't keep him awake. He needs his sleep,"

Noah stepped back into the room and Luke had his eyes closed. He seemed to be sleeping. Noah resumed his place at Luke's side and took his hand again. Luke tightened his grip on Noah fingers. He leaned closer and grasped Luke's wrist with his other hand.

"You look terrible," Noah said in a soft voice.

"Thanks for the support. Wait, what?" Luke turned his eyes to Noah's face. When there gazes met, Luke knew the truth.

He could see.

"How did…when?"

"A few weeks. They operated and removed a huge blood clot.  It's all medical jargon that I can't pronounce, but yeah, I can see."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, I…," Noah was cut off by the door opening. He thought it might be Lily or Holden, but it was the blonde guy from the coffee shop. Noah heart clenched.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" The other man asked as he put a bouquet of lilies next to the bed. Luke looked at the flowers for a second and a smile came across his face.

"Ok, just real tired. Oh, Scott this is Noah, Noah this is Scott," he introduced the two men.

Noah now knew the name of the man that took his place.

Scott now knew the face that went with the guy that Luke could not let go of.

They shook hands and Scott excused himself. He told Luke that he would be back later. Luke turned his attention back to Noah.

"You were saying?"

"Yeah, I was telling you about the surgery. I wanted to tell you, but then you would left you life here. And…,"

"Noah, stop,"

"No, I have to say this,"

"No, I mean stop!" Luke almost shouted and begun to squeeze Noah's hand. He curled into a ball and held onto his back. His heart monitor was beeping off the chart. Noah grabbed the call box and held down the red button. Noah could see Luke clench his jaw as if he was trying to hold the pain back, but his tightening grip was a strong indicator. He was in a lot of pain. Noah wanted to run into the hall and scream for help, but he did not want to let go of Luke's hand.

The door burst open and the doctor came rushing in with three nurses.

"What's wrong with him?" Noah begged.

"Get him out of here," the doctor said and it took two the nurses to get him out and door shut. He felt like he was falling down real fast. His feet were glued to the floor and his whole body was shaking. He took out his cell and made a call that he did not want to make.


	22. Luke's World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay.  
> Hope this is worth the wait.

Noah hung up after talking to Lily. She answered in a sleepy voice and Noah did not want to tell her. How do you tell a woman that her son was doing better and then suddenly took a turn? How do you tell her that you've standing outside the room for twenty minutes and you have no idea what is going on? Noah didn't know what to say. He managed to say something that Luke was taking a turn and she needed to be here. Lily shouted to Holden and Damian and Noah heard the phone disconnect.

He slipped it back into his pocket and he heard the door open. The doctor was giving direction to a few more nurses when Noah grabbed his arm.

"What's wrong with him?" he could feel his voice shake, but he hoped the doctor didn't notice.

"He's not taking to the medicine like I had hoped. He responded at first, but now…,"

"He's not going to die, is he?" Noah voice was dry and barely audible. He was fighting so hard to keep the tears from coming. _Not in front of the doctor. Not in front of the doctor._

"We are doing everything that we can. I am not giving up hope yet, and you shouldn't either. He's fighting right now and we have to keep him from giving up," he patted Noah on the shoulder. "I am going to run a few more tests and we can make our decision from there. We have him sedated at the moment. He needs to rest. You can in and see him. Talk to him, make sure he knows you're here,"

Noah nodded and the doctor went down the hall. He slipped into Luke's room and sat down next to him. He looked the same, but to Noah he looked even more precious. He was everything Noah had ever wanted in his entire life and tried to push him away. He thought Luke would always be there, but then he wasn't and Noah had to do it all himself. Maybe Luke's leaving was a blessing. Noah had to find out who he was without the one person who helped him become the man he was. Noah knew that the accident had changed him and he was forced to discover what he wanted, alone.

But since getting the phone call from Lily, rushing to his side, and sitting here with him. He knew what he wanted.

Luke.

It was that simple. He wanted Luke and anything else was secondary. He just had to figure out what he had to do to get him back.

"Luke. The doctor said that you can hear me. I just want you to know that I love you. I have loved you my whole life, it just took me twenty years to meet you. I am who I am because of you and I would not have it any other way. I know that I have screwed up when it comes to you, too many times. I took you for granted. I hurt you so many times, but you never held it against me. God knows you should have. I don't deserve you. I don't think I ever did, but you loved me anyway. When you wake up I promise you that I will make it up to you. Somehow,"

Noah heard the door open and Lily peeked her head in. Noah brushed the tears, which started to flow as soon as he entered the room, away.

"Can I come in?" She whispered.

"Yeah," Noah quickly stood up and wiped his nose on the back of his hand.

"The doctor talked to us already. The nurses are outside waiting to take him for some tests. I just wanted to talk to him for a minute before then,"

"Yeah, I'll get out of the way,"

"Noah," Lily said and grabbed his hand to be sure she had his attention. "He loves you too," she said and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Noah sniffle back his tears and left them alone.

The nurses were standing behind the desk waiting for Lily to leave the room. Holden and Damian were standing just down the hall. They seemed to be chatting about something; at least they appeared to be getting along. One less thing that Lily had to worry about the better. She came out of the room and Luke's fathers met her in the hall. The nurses went in and wheeled Luke away for a series of tests.

As Noah watched the bed holding Luke roll down the hall, he felt like all the air was leaving his body. Actually it was more than that. He felt the hall spin and his legs get a bit weak. Holden jumped and steadied Noah before he collapsed all together.

"Noah? Are you all right?" Holden asked as he helped him lean against the wall.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry," he said as he closed his eyes to keep the room from spinning too much.

"You don't have to apologize. When did you eat last?" Damian inquired.

"Ah, yesterday morning,"

"Here," Lily handed Noah a bundle of keys on one key ring. "Take Luke's keys and run to his apartment,"

"No, I want to stay here,"

"The tests are going to take a few hours and I know he'll want some clean clothes and things from his place," Noah was about to protest again, but the look Lily was giving him told him not to even try.

"Ok. But you'll call me if you hear anything,"

"First call I'll make. Go and get some air," Lily gave him a hug and almost shoved Noah down the hall. He looked back once before he walked to the elevator. As Noah rode down the three stories to the lobby, he played with Luke's keys. It felt good to have something of Luke's with him. A connection of sorts.

* * *

Noah arrived at Luke's building and walked up to the front door. He looked at the keys and knew exactly which keys were for the apartment. He still had the key ring that his sisters made him when they went to camp. Sure it was beat up, it wasn't as pink as it was when he got, it certainly had seen better days, but it still was there.

He was glad that he had the cab stop at the hotel first. When he entered and looked at the room, he remembered exactly what he was doing when Lily called him. His bag was half packed and some of his clothes were on the floor. He had literally dropped everything to get to the hospital to get to Luke. This time he finished packing his things before he made his way to Luke's place.

Noah opened Luke's door and slowly went inside. His breath caught in his chest and he bit back tears. The place was exactly the way Luke had left it. It was that thought that stabbed into his heart. Luke's life, in a sense, was "paused" at the moment he left the apartment yesterday.

His laptop was open and sitting on the kitchen's aisle. Dirty breakfast dishes were in the sink. Along with the dinner and lunch dishes from the previous day. Luke always did hate doing dishes. There were dirty socks and a discarded sweatshirt on the sofa. Noah dropped his bag and picked up the sweatshirt. It was Luke's OU sweatshirt that he used to sleep in when it was really cold in their apartment. Noah put the clothing to his nose and breathed in. The shirt smelled like Luke. The vanilla in his shampoo and the fresh scent of his aftershave and a bit that was just Luke. It smelled like home to him.

He folded the sweatshirt and walked down the hallway. He found the bathroom and an empty bedroom. At the end of the hall was Luke's bedroom. The first thing he saw was a movie poster. He had his own copy of _The Best Years of Our Lives_ on his wall. Noah had to swallow hard to keep himself in check. He put the sweatshirt on the dresser and turned back to look at the room. The bed was not made on the right side, which was Luke's side. The left side was still made and Noah could see something sticking out from under the comforter. He walked up to the bed and pulled on the bit of green. Noah let out a laugh. It was one of Noah's Java t-shirts with a pillow tucked in it. Luke had one of his shirts in his bed at all times. Noah knew what he would do with one of Luke's shirts. Noah would want to have Luke's smell with him while he slept too. He could almost picture Luke curling up in bed with this pillow next to him. Noah tucked the pillow back under the comforter and went back into the living room.

He had a few things he needed to do first. He checked his cell. No messages from Lily yet. This was going to be a long day, he just had that feeling


	23. Letters Sent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update.  
> Hope you enjoy this installment.

Noah decided a shower was in order. He still smelled like a hospital. He went to grab a shirt out of his bag but he changed his mind. He went back into Luke's room and found one of his favorite "Luke" shirts. After showering and slipping Luke's shirt on, he went and grabbed his bag off the kitchen floor. Noah put it on the kitchen island and bumped Luke's laptop. It came out of sleep mode and a text document was open. He glanced at it and saw "Dear Noah". Against his own better judgment he sat down and started reading.

They were letters. Little short letters that he had written to Noah.

Noah scrolled to the top and started to read.

* * *

_**February 14th, 2010** _

_**Dear Noah,** _

_**It's Valentine's Day. As much as you hate to admit it, I think this is your favorite holiday. Sure it doesn't come with the tradition as Thanksgiving or the grandeur as Christmas, but for one day you allow yourself to open up and let your closet romantic out to play! Remember our first Valentine's Day. You gave me that card in Olde Towne and we imagined what our lives would be like without each other. Well, here it is Valentine's Day and I am without you right now. And I have to tell you…it sucks.** _

Noah had to admit, Valentine's was his favorite holiday, at least since he met Luke. It gave him an excuse to be nauseatingly romantic. But he always wanted to do all those things. He wanted to give Luke flowers and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. He wanted to hold his hand until their fingers were numb. And Valentine's Day gave him a reason to do it and he knew that Luke would just eat it up.

_**I miss you! I miss every single thing about you. Your smile, your laugh, your smell. I miss waking up with you and sharing breakfast. I even miss our tiny little apartment with the broken step and the dripping faucet in the kitchen.** _

_**I just finished talking to you. Hearing your voice was the best present I have ever gotten. Hearing you laugh and you sounded relaxed and happy. You sound like you are getting better. I'm so glad that you are; even if I didn't cause it.** _

_**As for your gift, I wanted you to have something that would have meaning to just you, but was unique as you are. When I saw that poster on eBay, I almost died of shock. As the bidding got heated and the time wore down, I could almost picture your face as you opened it. Seeing your beautiful baby blues light up as you realized what it was. I'm just sorry that I missed it.** _

Noah did love the gift. He was so excited when he finally got to see it. Luke knew him so well and knew how much he would love it. He just wished Luke had been there when he opened it. He wish he could have heard Luke's voice when he opened it.

_**I** _ _**love you Noah. I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you.** _

_**Love, Luke.** _

* * *

Noah knew that he should stop, but these letters were addressed to him. But that was a terrible excuse. He just wanted to know what Luke was thinking all those weeks he was gone. They both didn't make much of an effort to speak to each other and he just needed to know. So he kept reading and he came to the letter he didn't want to read.

_**February 28th, 2010** _

_**Dear Noah,** _

_**I made a friend today. Scott is my neighbor down the hall. He's also the super. He showed me around the building when I was still apartment hunting. He's an architecture major at Lake Forest. He came over with Chinese food and you know I can't say no to Chinese. It was nice to meet someone I can talk to here.** _

_**I should tell you about my place. This place a bit nicer than ours is in Oakdale. It's in this real nice neighborhood called Humboldt Park. You can see the park from my living room balcony. When the leaves come out this spring the view is going to be amazing. Am I going to be here that long? I don't know. I haven't thought about it at all.** _

_**Remember when we finally got our place. You stubbed your toe real hard on the front step. I think your big feet broke it even though you swear it was broke when you got there. I remember walking in and getting that smell. UGH! We never did find that origin of that smell did we? I'm laughing now just thinking about how we searched and searched for that phantom odor. It really isn't a good apartment is it? It was always freezing at 2 in the morning. The floor in the bedroom was incredibly slanted. The bed didn't even sit flat. The faucet in the kitchen dripped constantly, even after you fixed it. But, despite all of its flaws, it was ours. Yours and mine. And that reason, my dear, is why I love it.** _

It broke Noah's heart to head Luke fondly remember their apartment. It became theirs. No matter what was happening around them or with their families, as soon as the door was shut and locked, it was just them. Their smelly, leaking, apartment. But it was the first thing that they shared. It was home.

_**I love you.** _

_**Yours always,** _

_**Luke.** _

* * *

If Noah thought that letter was tough, he had no idea.

_**March 5th, 2010** _

_**Dear Noah,** _

_**I have done something. I was at Scott's and I made him dinner. I made Gramma Emma's red sauce and linguini. Then we were going to watch a Die Hard marathon. Everything was going to great. We joked and laughed and it was nice to have a friend so far removed from everything. We ate and then were sitting down to watch the movie.** _

_**We finished the first two and things were still going well. We were half-way through the third one, when Scott kissed me.** _

_**And I kissed him back.** _

_**Pretty soon we were laying the couch making out. It felt good to be wanted by someone. Someone who didn't know everything about me. Who only knew me for me and nothing else. There was none of that baggage. Just two guys who are attracted to each other. Simple. I hate to admit it, but I really enjoyed it. Scott was enjoying it too from what I could tell.** _

* * *

Noah slammed the lid to the laptop closed. He couldn't read anymore. He knew when he started to read these letters that he may not like what he was going to read, but this was something that he didn't want to know about. He knew when Luke left that he may find someone else, but to actually read it. It was as if he heard tell him himself. Noah got up from the bar stool and walked over to the fridge. He pulled open the door and was surprised by the major lack of anything edible inside. When they lived together he was constantly filling the fridge and cabinets with junk food. He obviously was not taking care of himself and Noah suddenly felt guilty for being mad. He leaned against the counter and looked at the laptop. It seemed to be taunting him to open it.

Noah suddenly had a flash.

He had no right to be angry for anything Luke did after he left Oakdale. He was the one who left Luke. He left Luke a long time ago and he didn't and couldn't blame Luke for moving on. Noah walked back to his stool and opened the laptop. He started this, he needed to finish it. He scanned the page and found where he left off. He took a long breath and reread the paragraph again.

* * *

_**Pretty soon we were laying the couch making out. It felt good to be wanted by someone. Someone who didn't know everything about me. Who only knew me for me and nothing else. There was none of that baggage. Just two guys who are attracted to each other. Simple. I hate to admit it, but I really enjoyed it. Scott was enjoying it too from what I could tell.** _

_**Then I have never felt so awful in my life.** _

_**I got up right away and almost ran to my apartment. I needed to get out of there. When I got back to my apartment, I showered until my skin was pink. I was afraid that if I stayed I would end up sleeping with him. And I did not want that. I only want you and as long as we are in limbo, I will wait for you.** _

_**Love Always,** _

_**Luke.** _

* * *

Noah felt all the air rush out of his body. Luke and Scott hadn't done anything. He said he would wait for him. Noah felt all the tension that he had in his stomach begin to drain away, like letting the air out of a balloon.

A knock at the door brought him back to reality.

Noah opened the door and saw Scott standing in the hall.

"I was wondering who was in here. Can I come in?"

"Ah, yeah. Sure," Noah stepped aside and Scott walked inside.

"How is Luke?"

"Ah, he's…not good. He had a relapse and they're running tests right now. Luke's mom sent me here to get some of his things,"

"I'm glad that you're here. I wanted to talk to you and the hospital wasn't exactly the best place to do it,"

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Noah asked and then crossed his arms over his chest.

"What are your plans to do with Luke?" Scott asked as he took an equally defensive position.

"I don't think I know what you're talking about?"

"I mean, are you really going to be there for him?" Noah was about to defend himself, but Scott cut him off. "I may not know everything about your guys' relationship, but I know enough. I know you need to step up. He's not a yo-yo. You can't push him away over and over again and then expect him to come running back. Now Luke's my friend and I care about him. And you better be careful, because he may not come back to you the next time," Scott said what he wanted to. He had imagined and worked out what he wanted to say to this Noah guy. But he had planned for a fist fight or two.

Noah just nodded and took what Scott said to heart.

Scott was surprised that Noah didn't get in his face or shove him or hit him. He had planned for all of those scenarios, but not this. Noah's cell rang and cut through the silence. He dug out the phone and answered it.

"Hello? Ok, I'll be right there," Scott heard Noah's half of the conversation and saw him tuck the phone back into his front pocket. "Luke's back in his room. Did you want to come back to hospital with me?"

"Ah, no. I have a lecture that I have to be at in 20 minutes. Can you call me when you find out anything?" Scott asked. Noah programmed Scott's number into his phone and watched him leave. Noah rounded up a few more of Luke' s things plus his laptop and iPod and went down to hail a cab.

As he rode to the hospital he prepared himself for every possibility. All but the one that he would not let into his head or his heart. He would not even think about the possibility that Luke wouldn't get better. There was no way that he would even think about it.

He just couldn't.


	24. A True Devotion

Noah held the bag with Luke's things in it close to his side as he walked out of the elevator. He turned the corner and saw Lily and Holden standing in the hallway. They were waiting for him in front of the same private waiting room that they had been in one day before. They let Noah enter, then followed him inside and closed the door behind them. Damian was already sitting and Lily sat down next to him. Holden stood against one wall while Noah stood to his right.

This time Noah really got a look of the room. He was too anxious the last time. It wasn't much different than the last exam room he had been in Oakdale. It was medium in size with a sofa and chair along one wall. There was the ever present light box on the wall for x-rays and a short kind of desk across from the sofa. The doctor was sitting on rolling chair next to the desk. There was just too much tension in this room.

"Ok. Well, we've done the same tests that we did when Luke came in. We had hoped that he would take to the medications we were giving him, but that is not the case. He has gone downhill. I'm afraid that he is in acute renal failure now," the doctor stopped to let the words sink in. The color had drained from Noah's face. It was a good thing he was leaning against the wall otherwise he would have been a puddle on the floor.

"What are our options?" Lily finally spoke for the group. Everyone was thinking it.

"I'm afraid he'll need a new kidney," the doctor said and a gasp was heard from Lily.

"Not again," Holden mumbled quietly to himself.

"Given his present condition, he has been moved up on the transplant list. We will keep all of our available options open. He can treat the symptoms, but I'm afraid that is all we can do right now. He is getting dialysis and we are keeping him comfortable. Luke is a fighter; I could see that right off. I'll give you a few minutes," the doctor said as he gathered his things and left the room. Everyone stayed where they were for a few minutes, but it was Lily who spoke first.

"What are we going to do?" She asked as she sniffed back tears.

"What can we do?" Holden asked her.

"After everything we went through the first time,"

"What happened the last time?" Noah asked.

"Luke's last transplant wasn't exactly legal," Holden whispered to a shocked Noah.

"I need to see Luke," Noah mumbled to no one and went to Luke's room.

* * *

The room looked the same; dark and quiet.

Noah slid into the chair next to Luke's bed and took his hand. Noah held the blonde's still hand in both of his and brought it to his lips. He lightly kissed the inside of Luke's palm. Luke stirred slightly and Noah brushed some hair away from Luke's face.

"I'm here. Just sleep. I'm not going anywhere," Noah whispered softly to Luke. Luke settled and was swept back in to sleep. Noah took a deep breath and let it out very slowly. He could feel tears wanting to spill out. He bit them back and looked back at Luke. He remembered all those nights and mornings when he would wake up and watch Luke sleep. He thought back to the cold Luke got right when the weather was becoming cold in Oakdale. It was late October and he came home with a stuffed nose and sore throat. Noah immediately broke out Emma's chicken noodle and the Nyquil. He remembered those nights, after Luke would OD on cough medicine, listening to him sleep. He had a whistle in his nose when he breathed out. Noah thought it was the cutest thing he ever heard.

Right now he wished he could hear that whistle. He wished so many things. That he and Luke were back in their apartment in Oakdale. That he had never met Mason Jarvis. That he had told Luke the truth about how he was feeling and not tried to push him away. He wanted so badly to fix what was broken. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the door open and Luke's doctor enter the room.

"I'm sorry to interrupt,"

"No, its fine. How is he?" Noah asked as the doctor looked at the various machines that were plugged into Luke.

"The same. It's all a waiting game now," the doctor made a few notes on Luke's chart and started toward the door.

"Ah, Doctor...?" he asked; realizing he was introduced to the man that trying to help Luke.

"Dr. Lange,"

"Dr. Lange. Can I talk to for a minute?"

* * *

 

Lily walked down the hall after talking to her mother on the phone. It broke Lucinda's heart to hear her daughter's heartbreak. After everything they fought through when Luke was sick all those years ago, now they had to live through it again. Here she was, one of the wealthiest and most prominent business women in America and there was nothing she could do to help her grandson. She looked to her right and saw Faith and Natalie playing a board game in the penthouse suite they had been staying in. She thought of how important her family was to her and she thought about what she could do. So she did what she could; Lucinda begun working the phones and contacting lawyers. Luke had too much life left to live for him to die at 22 years old.

Lily came around the corner and saw Luke's doctor standing just down the hall. He was talking to a couple nurses. She felt like a zombie; walking through the days without feeling much. She walked up to Luke's door and heard Noah voice. He was talking to Luke and she did not want to interrupt. She decided to take Holden up on his offer of a coffee in the cafeteria.

* * *

Noah leaned forward and lightly caressed Luke's cheek with his right hand. He rubbed his thumb across Luke's cheekbone. It was more calming for Noah then it was for Luke.

"Luke, I love you so much. So much that I can't sit by and let this happen to you. Again. I want to take away your pain like you tried to do for me; so many times. I am so sorry that I took you for granted and neglected you. I hope that you never once thought I did not love you. I have to go now, but I will be back as soon as I can," Noah rose to his feet and lightly kissed Luke's forehead. He kissed the back of the Luke's hands and stepped into the hall closing the door behind him.

"Noah?" Luke groaned softly and went back to sleep.

* * *

Lily and Holden came back from coffee and saw that Noah had left Luke's room. She thought nothing of it at the time and ducked inside to sit with her son. But when an hour passed and she did not see Noah, she begun to worry. She asked both Damian and Holden if they had seen him. When she got no's from both of them she pulled out her cell and called him.

"This is Noah, leave me a message and I'll get back to you,"

"Noah, this is Lily. Where are you? Call me back," she said in frustration and worry. She held onto her phone waiting for him to call back. It was another hour and several more calls, before he came back. He walked into Luke's room and Lily bounded out her chair to him. She wanted to raise her voice, but she didn't want to wake Luke. She and Noah left Holden alone in the room with Luke.

"Where have you been?"

"Before I tell you, I want you to know that I made this decision and I will not change it."

"What are you talking about?"

Noah opened his mouth to tell her everything, but Dr. Lange came around the corner with two other doctors, cutting him off.

"Noah, we'll be ready in an hour to start. We'll need to take you into another room to get you ready."

"Noah? What have you done?" She asked in a guarded voice. She instinctly grabbed his arm.

"My blood type is Type O. I've gone through all the tests and it turns out I'm an excellent match for Luke. I have to do this."

"No! I will not you risk your life like this," Lily squeezed tighter to Noah's arm.

"But it's for Luke. Your real son,"

"But you are my son too. You are a part of my family. I can't lose both of you. Luke would never let you do this," she said as tears fell down her cheeks. She was trying to be rational about this. Noah took her face in his hands.

"Would you give Luke one of yours?"

"Of course I would," she said without hesitation.

"So would I. I have to go. They are prepping me for surgery," he said and gave Lily a kiss on the cheek before joining Dr. Lange and his two colleagues. He walked behind the two double doors and disappeared around the corner. She felt like she was losing her other son; her world had been turned on its side.

* * *

Noah laid on the gurney and looked up at the ceiling. He was not going to pretend he wasn't nervous. He was terrified, but when he closed his eyes. He saw Luke's smile and he was able to quell the feeling that was threatening to rise up in his throat. He saw Dr. Lange come into the room and over to him.

"How are you Noah?"

"I'm a little nervous,"

"Don't worry. Do you know a Lucinda Walsh?"

"Yeah," he said with a smile.

"Well, she was able to secure a Dr. van Pelt to fly in this morning. I don't think she knew that he would be needed so quickly," Dr. Lange told him and Noah felt several more people coming into the room. "All right Noah, I'm going to give you to these nurses and I will see you when you get done," he gave Noah a calming pat on his shoulder and left the room. Noah let out a cleansing breath as the nurses started to prep him for surgery. They put in his IV, took his blood pressure and gave him a shot to help him relax.

He was wheeled out into the hallway and was met by the Snyders. The first one he saw was Lily. She had unshed tears in her eyes and a look of worry on his face. He reached up and took her hand.

"I'm going to be just fine," he whispered and then kissed her fingers. All she could so was nod in the affirmative. Faith was right next her. She leaned down and gave Noah gave him a hug. Damian and Holden looked down at Noah and tried to look calm and collected. But even their strong exteriors could not hold back the pride that they were feeling for their son's boyfriend.

Holden was proud of the young man that he had known for years and had seen grown into a very honorable man.

Damian was proud of the man that loved his son more than anything and he couldn't help but think Luke was lucky.

"I'll see you guys in a few hours," he said as he was rolled away and toward the operating room. Lily couldn't stand just waiting there. She went into Luke's room and sat with him for a few minutes before they came in to get him. Luke groaned slightly and started to wake up.

"Noah?"

"Shh, honey. Its mom. You're real sick, you should be asleep," she sniffed back tears that she had been fighting back.

"Is Noah here? I thought I heard him," he looked around the room. "I must have dreamed it,"

"No, sweetie. He was here. He's been here the whole time," she leaned forward and sat closer to him.

"Where is he now?"

"Just rest honey. You need your rest,"

"Mom, where is he?"

"He is, ah, he's being prepped for surgery," Lily chose her words very carefully. But she could see panic come into his eyes.

* * *

Noah lay quietly even though his feet were showing his anxiety. A man he assumed was Dr. van Pelt was putting his gloves on. He had a confidence that Noah could see right off. He stepped to Noah left side and looked down at the nervous man.

"Hello Noah, how are you feeling?"

"Nervous,"

"I know, but you are doing a very brave thing. It'll be over before you know it,"

Another doctor stepped up to him and placed a mask on his face.

"Ok, Noah, just countdown from 10 to 1," the other doctor said as Noah heard gas hissing and into his mask.

Ten

Nine

Eight

Seven; I love you Luke.

Six; I love you Luke.

Five; I love you Luke.

Four; I love you Luke.

I love you Luke.

And he was asleep.

* * *

"For what?" Luke asked but before Lily could answer a couple nurses came into his room. She stood up and moved to the foot of the bed.

"For you baby,"

"No! He can't. He just got better! He can't do this," Luke said as he tried to get up. He felt pain run through his body as he tried. The nurses gently moved Luke back to the bed.

"Ok, Luke you have to lay back. We're going to help you, but you have to lie back," the nurse on his right said as the nurse on his left gave him a sedative to help him sleep. Dr. Lange came in and helped Lily out into the hallway.

"Noah's surgery just started," Dr. Lange said to her and Lily felt her heart stop for a second. "We are going to bring Luke into the adjoining OR and we will get this done as soon as we can. Don't worry, we will take every good care of him, of both of them,"

"Please take care of my boys," she said and clasped Dr. Lange's hands to accentuate the point.

Luke's room door opened and he was wheeled out into the hall. Lily felt she was having déjà vu. Seeing Luke being wheeled out of one room and into another operating room. She lived through this once and now she had to do it again. She only hoped she was strong enough this time.

She felt hands on her shoulders and assumed it was Damian. She looked over her shoulder and saw Holden. She leaned into him and felt his arms go around her waist.

She suddenly felt a bit stronger.


	25. Heaven and Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little different.  
> Hope you like it.

Noah felt like he was floating. The only coherent thought he had was 'These drugs are something else'.

He opened his eyes and he was lying in his bed in the apartment he shared with Luke. Confusion coursed through him as he sat up and pulled the blankets off him. His feet touched the floor and he was surprised; the floor wasn't cold. The floor was always cold. He walked to his bedroom door and pulled it open. On the other side of the door was deep green grass and tall leafy trees. He was confused even more as he stepped out onto the grassy plain. He had never seen grass so green or sky blue. It reminded him of the _Wizard of Oz_ ; all the color was just too much. He was still barefoot and wearing just his sleep clothes. He turned around and saw that his bedroom was gone and there was rolling hills as far as he could see. The air was warm and the breeze was soft.

"Hello?" He yelled and heard his own echo answer back. He started to trudge his way through the tall grass. He could smell the lavender and wild flowers all around him. This is one hell of a dream, he thought to himself.

"Are you looking for me?" He heard behind him. He knew that voice. He turned around and saw Luke standing there. His hands were in his front pockets with one hip sticking out. His blonde hair was slightly hanging in his face. This was the Luke he saw at the coffee shop that day.

"I'm always looking for you,"

He was looking _oh_ so good. He was wearing the typical Luke outfit. A striped polo that showed off his defined chest and a pair of oh so right fit jeans. The warm breeze was moving through his hair and his shirt billowed. The sun was shining through his golden hair; he looked like an angel. He wanted so badly to pull Luke to him and kiss the air out of him. But Luke beat him to that thought.

Noah felt a hand on the back of his neck and then Luke's lips on his. The shock was short lived. Noah wrapped his arms around Luke's waist and crushed their bodies together. He felt Luke's lips hum as he moaned into Noah's kiss.

God, he missed this. He knew it was possible to miss people and places, but to miss this feeling and the sounds Luke made was something else. Luke licked across Noah's bottom lip and he let Luke inside. Noah felt a warm feeling slide across his chest and down his arms. This was exactly where he belonged.

He felt Luke and himself falling. Falling through the ground and they kept falling until they landed on their bed in their apartment. As odd as this was, Noah was not paying any attention. He was only conscious of Luke and Luke's lips. Luke rolled him into his back and he straddled Noah's waist. Noah's hands slid down to Luke's hips. Luke never broke his kiss as he ground his body against Noah's. Noah pulled his mouth away and arched his back against Luke's movements. Next thing Noah felt was Luke's lips latching onto his neck. Noah wanted to see and feel more of Luke. His hands moved up to the hem of Luke's shirt and slid under the soft fabric to meet equally soft skin. Luke's warm skin turned Noah on more than anything else possible. With one hand on Luke's back and Noah's other hand buried into the blonde's hair, he pulled Luke's lips back to his. His heart pounded in his chest and sweat beaded on his skin.

The only thought that went though Noah's head now was, 'If this is heaven, I don't ever want to wake up.'

* * *

Luke's eye lids were heavy. Heavier then they had ever been. He knew he was in the hospital. He hated hospitals. He was beginning to wonder when his next visit would be. Ever since his kidney transplant, not a year went by where he didn't spend at least a week in the hospital. He wondered how regular people managed to go through their whole lives without ever spending a night in the hospital.

He finally managed to open his eyes. He was in the hospital, but not one that he had ever seen before. It took him a few moments to remember that he collapsed in the coffee shop. He remembered Scott was there when he they took him to the hospital.

Noah.

Noah was here and he can see!

Luke sat up and looked about the room. It looked like any other hospital room. There was a small chair next to the bed. There were monitors on each side at the head of bed. The door was open and it was quiet. Way too quiet for a hospital. There was always movement, voices and sounds of monitors in a hospital; even at night. Luke had a very horror movie, damsel in distress feeling right now. He looked around the room to see if there was any hint as to what was going on. The room was dimly lit and completely bare of anything personal. No flowers, no cards, none of Luke's things. Luke sat in the bed and looked around the room. He then saw movement pass across his door.

"Hello?" Luke called out. He pulled the blanket off and stepped onto the floor. He could feel his body was waking up from being sedated. He could barely move at first. He stepped out into the hall and saw it was deserted. The nurses' station was empty and so were all the rooms around. He walked down the hall and turned a corner. He saw the person go down and hall and around the corner. Luke chased after them and turned with the person. If hadn't been so creeped out before he would have been now.

"Hello?"

The person stopped and turned back to face Luke.

"Noah?" Luke asked. He couldn't believe it. Noah was here with him. Noah turned and walked away. Luke chased after him. "Noah! Stop!" He turned the corner and saw Noah walking into the elevator. Luke ran toward the doors calling Noah's name. Noah stood in the middle of the elevator and he didn't move; he didn't even acknowledge Luke was there. Luke reached the doors just as they closed. Luke slammed on the doors and screamed Noah's name.

Luke looked up at the indicator above the elevator and he was going down. Luke dashed down the adjoining stairway and to the lobby. The elevator was open, but Noah was gone. Luke looked around and saw Noah walking out of the hospital. As soon as Noah passed through the door, the glass doors slammed shut and Luke ran right into them.

He pushed and pulled at the doors; they wouldn't open.

"Noah! Noah! Please! You can't leave me!"

* * *

The next six hours everyone was on edge.

Lily had called everyone in Oakdale. Casey and Maddie drove there in record time; knowing Casey, that was not hard to believe. Lily was greeted with a slightly crazed Maddie. She reminded Lily of herself when she got the news that Noah was going to have surgery. Maddie kept thinking about her two best friends in surgery and of course that led to losing them both. She would sit down and then get up several minutes later. Casey would get up with her and slowly guide her back to her chair. Lily saw the distress that Maddie was in and sat down next to her. She took her hand and held it in her lap. Maddie looked over at her best friend's mom and smiled. Lily smiled back and leaned back into her chair.

A nurse came into the waiting area about half through. Everyone looked up and their collective breath stopped for a moment.

"Noah came through everything just fine and he has been moved to recovery. Someone will come out when Luke's half is done,"

"Thank you," Holden said. He looked around the room and saw his life before him. His entire family was here for his two sons. He wasn't sure about Noah when he came into Luke's life. After Noah father tried to kill Luke, he wanted Noah to stay as a far away from Luke as he could. But he was wrong about that. Noah grounded Luke in a way that no other person could have done. Lord knows he tried his best to get Luke have goals for himself. The goodness in Noah brought out the goodness in Luke that Holden always knew was there. He had come to love Noah very much, like another son.

But after Noah's accident, Holden was transported back to the day that Luke was taken into the hospital when he was shot. He wanted Noah as far away from Luke as he could. He could see the anger coming of Noah when Luke was around him. He would see Noah tense up whenever he heard Luke's voice; like the tightening of spring just waiting to let go. The night of Christmas Eve was evidence of that. He had witnessed those important to me being hurt by those they care about far too many times to let it happen to Luke.

He had visions of Paul and Meg running through his head.

Seeing her sister making excuses for something that Paul did to her. He could see Luke doing the same thing if Noah stayed on the path that he was on. Luke loved unconditionally, almost with a blind faith that he had never seen before. He would forgive Noah anything. Seeing the pain that Meg went through over and over again with Paul, he couldn't bear to see his son go through that.

To be honest, Noah was not good enough of his son as of late.

Holden wanted so badly for Luke's faith in Noah and his recovery to be reinforced by Noah's actions and maybe now they could be.

* * *

Three hours later a doctor no one knew came into the tension filled waiting room. He sat down next to Lily and Holden.

"I'm Dr. van Pelt and I oversaw the surgeries today. I'm happy to say that both boys came out just fine. Luke was just moved into recovery alongside Noah and they will each be moved into their own rooms in a little while. And they you will be able to see them. Don't worry. Everything is going to be just fine," the doctor gave Lily's wrist a calming squeeze and left them alone.

Noah was the first to be moved into his room. Lily followed the gurney as it went through the double doors to when he was rolled into his room. He looked so pale and small in the bed. His blanket was pulled all the way up to his chin and his hair was impossibly messed up. Lily smiled to herself as she sat next to him and lightly smoothed his hair across his forehead. He groaned slightly and settled back into his pillow.

Lily looked down at her adopted son and felt such a surge of pride that had never felt before. Don't misunderstand; she was extremely proud of all her children.

Luke was always willing to help and put others before himself.

Faith always took others feelings into consideration whenever she did anything.

Natalie, her little peacemaker, wanted everyone to be happy and away from pain.

Ethan; just him entering a room calmed everyone and his smile was infectious.

But Noah, was willing to sacrifice himself to be sure that Luke would get better. It was his decision and his alone. Even when she tried to talk to him out of it, he would not be swayed. The selfish part of her was so relieved that Luke was going to ok, but the part of her that loved her adopted son was so proud that Noah had made such a decision without any second thought.

She lightly ran her fingers through his hair; calming them both. Noah moved a bit, but stayed asleep.

"Just rest sweetie, it'll be over soon,"


	26. Recuperating

The next week, Luke and Noah both improved greatly. Noah was able to sit up and walk around. Not far mind you, but anything was good. He could not believe the pain that first went through him as he took his first steps. He had never had a surgery quite like this and now this was Luke's second time. But with every step he thought about Luke.

He would the exact same decision again.

Without a doubt. Not a single doubt.

Even if he and Luke were over and done with, Noah would be able to live the rest of his life knowing that Luke was healthy and happy. What else could he ask for?

Due to the immune suppression drugs that Luke was given, he needed to be kept in isolation. There was the risk of his body rejecting the foreign organ in his body, hence the drugs. And because of the drugs he was a greater risk of contracting an infection from germs. Only hospital staff and his parents were allowed to visit him at first. The kids would stand just outside the room and visit with their big brother. Ethan brought Luke a new painting each day he came to visit. Always a true farm boy at heart, Luke hated being cooped up. If he hadn't been so weak from the surgery, he would have made a break for it.

Scott made sure to bring him contraband from the outside. He kept Luke fully stocked in magazines and iTunes gift cards. He even managed to sneak in a frosty coffee drink from their neighborhood place. Scott made sure to visit as much as he could. Scott even told Luke of his conversation that he had with Noah when he found him in Luke's apartment. Luke was surprised by the loyalty that Scott expressed and on some level he wished that he felt something deeper for Scott. The older student had become a very good friend in the short time that they had known each other and he knew that things with Scott would be easier. Easier than the confusing chaos that was him and Noah. Even if he knew that things would be easier, he just couldn't do it. There was no one but Noah.

"So, have you asked Will out yet?" Luke asked as he played with a brain-teaser puzzle that his brillant sister brought him. Faith said she beat it in thirty minutes. Luke had been trying for three days now; turning the metal links over and over in his hands.

"What is it with you and _me_ asking Will out?" Scott asked with complete frustration. He even through up his hands for extra emphasis.

" ** _Well_** , he is completely in love with you. Anyone can see that,"

"No, he's not," Scott fumbled with a magazine from Luke's impressive pile.

"Pah-lease. Ok, let me lay it out for you. He flirts in front of you. He makes sexual innuendoes about other men in ear shot of you, so that you will pay attention. Constantly makes comments on how you look, sometimes resorting to _very_ dirty context, let's see what else did I leave out,"

"All right. I get the point," he said as he threw a People magazine at Luke. Luke caught it and burst into laughs. "What should I do?"

"I don't know. Just ask him out," Luke said plainly.

"He'll laugh in my face,"

"Then do something else. I know, get him alone and just kiss him,"

"Kiss him. That's it. That's your sage of advice?"

"Hey, worked on me," Luke said and his mind drifted to his first kiss with Noah.

_Yeah, it worked on him._

* * *

When night came, Luke got a different visitor. Noah always hated hospitals and he could never sleep in them. He wasn't sure if it was the constant noise or people going in and out. He was restless. He needed to visit Luke before he went to sleep. He got out of bed and brought his IV stand with him. He shuffled down the hallway. He was never let inside the isolation room, but he would look at him from the outside. Even though he was looking at Luke through two layers of protective plastic, Luke looked so good. The color was returning to his face and he was sporting a bit of beard stubble. A kink of Noah's that even Luke didn't know about. Noah just stood there and fidgeted with his IV stand.

Luke's regular nurses would always watch for Noah to come by. You could almost set your watch by him. He would come down the hall in his hospital slippers and dark blue robe and just stare. One nurse said it was almost like a private vigil. He never spoke or asked to go inside. He would just watch the blonde sleep.

A short dark haired nurse came out of Luke's room. She pulled off her protective mask, gloves, and booties and tossed them into the bright orange hazardous waste bin. Noah reached out and lightly touched her arm. She jumped at the shock and put her hand to her chest.

"You scared me,"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is he ok?" He asked in a soft voice.

"Who are you?"

"I'm his bo…," Noah stopped. He wanted to say boyfriend, but he might not get the information that he desperately wanted. "I'm his brother,"

"Oh, yes, he's doing quite well. The kidney he received is doing very well. It was an excellent match," she said as she made notes on Luke's chart. "He'll probably be moved to a regular room next week,"

"Good," he said with a sigh. "Good. Thank you," Noah answered in the same soft voice. He turned around and went back to his room. The dark haired nurse watched Noah walk down the hall, turn left into his room, and heard his door close. A blonde nurse also working the floor that night got the other nurse's attention.

"Hey Rosie," the blonde nurse said.

"Hey Jackie," the dark haired nurse said.

"Do you know who that was?" Jackie asked in a loud whisper.

"No," Rosie answered without even looking up from her paperwork.

"He's the one who gave the hottie in 37-A a kidney,"

"The Snyder guy?" Jackie now had Rosie's attention.

"Hmmm," Jackie answered.

"He said that they were brothers,"

"Riiiggghhhttt! If they're brothers, I'm Mariah Carey," Jackie said in sarcastic tone. "Anyways, he comes down every night and just stares at Snyder while he sleeps. Doesn't ask to go in, doesn't ask for anything. Then he turns around and goes back to his room,"

"How long does he stand there?" Rosie asked; she abandoned her paperwork a while ago.

"Twenty, thirty minutes maybe,"

"Wow. Every night?"

"Yep,"

"Huh? Wish I had someone who cared about me that much," Rosie remarked and the two women went back to work. Each a little jealous of the hottie in 37-A.

* * *

Dr. van Pelt visited Noah a couple days later. He was sitting up in bed watching TV. He sat up a bit taller when he saw the older man enter his room. Ever the good soldier.

"Hi Noah. How are you today?"

"Hello sir. I'm good,"

"I see that. According to the nurses you have been recovering really well," van Pelt said as he looked through Noah's charts. "So well, we're letting you out of here,"

"Really. Are you sure? So soon?" Noah felt a wave of panic course through him.

"Yeah, unless you like it here?" the doctor asked with a bit of teasing in his voice.

"No, it just seems kind of quick is all,"

"Well, your part of surgery is pretty straight forward. It's the recipient that has more to recover from,"

"Is his? Recovering?"

"Yes. The organ is functioning and he has not had any adverse reactions that we can tell. He will need to keep him here for at least another week, but he is being transferred to a regular room today," the doctor said and Noah breathed a sigh of relief. He had been getting updates from Holden and Lily, but he wanted to hear the words from his doctor. As soon as the words left his mouth, Noah could feel the tight coil in his chest, which had been there since that call from Lily, loosen.

"So you will be able to visit him tomorrow, if you like,"

"Thank you Dr. van Pelt," Noah said and shook the doctor's hand.

"You're welcome. I'll send a nurse in with your discharge papers in a few hours," the doctor said and then left Noah alone.

He didn't want to leave. He hated hospitals, there was no doubt about that, that wasn't it.

If he left, it got harder to see Luke.

* * *

They did discharge him about two hours later.

Lily insisted on him coming back to the Four Seasons, but he said no. She wanted to baby him a bit, make sure that he was taking care of himself. He could not fault her for that, she was mother down to her core. He wanted to be alone. He said that he was going to stay at Luke's. He was sure that Luke wouldn't mind.

He dropped his bag by the door and collapsed on the sofa. He felt relief as his muscles relaxed. He leaned his head back against the cushions and took in a long deep breath. He could smell Luke. He could smell him in the entire apartment. That was why he wanted to stay here and not the hotel. Luke was all around him here.

Noah leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He rubbed his hands over his face and felt a few days of beard stubble on his face. A shower was first on his list of priorities.

After his shower, he stuffed his dirty clothes in his bag and felt for the bag's side pocket.

The one thing that he would not leave Oakdale without was still there. He remembered running back up to his room to get it before he left home. He remembered stuffing it deep into his bag so he wouldn't lose it. It was still there. Noah unzipped the side pocket and pulled it out.

He sat back down on the couch and looked at it in his hands. He twirled it back and forth.

The flat plastic square. The case was still cracked from when he threw it on the ground outside of Emma Snyder's house. That awful night. A Christmas he wished he could forget.

He's had his eye sight for over a month now and he still hadn't brought himself to watch it.

Now was the time.

Noah stood up and walked across the room to the DVD player. He put the movie in and grabbed the remote from the TV stand. Sitting back down, he hit play on the remote. The music started and the black screen faded into his credits. He let a shaky breath and watched his first film.

* * *

Luke was so glad to be out of the Critical Care Unit. The CCU nurses were nice, but he hated being locked in a room. He left locked up his whole life before he came out and now even the idea of being locked up, figuratively or literally, made his skin crawl. He was glad that his dad had decided to keep his mom distracted. Because that made his little excursions into the hospital garden a little more peaceful. He loved his mom, more than he could even possibly explain, but she did get on his nerves at times.

He pulled his robe tighter as he walked outside. The garden was surrounded on three sides by the hospital itself. One of the nurses said that the designer of the hospital wanted every patient to have a view of the outside from their room. The other side faced a huge park and this side faced a garden. The trees that were scattered around were almost fully bloomed. The green leaves lightly danced back and forth in the mid-April breeze. There were paths cut through the wild flowers. The paths were cobblestone that crisscrossed and circled around the center fountain. It was one of those old-fashioned three tiered fountains; it reminded Luke of a fountain in _Roman Holiday_. He could thank Noah for that one. The water was flowing slightly and the running water sound mingled with the chirping birds. He sat on a bench and leaned back against the weathered wood. He closed his eyes and just listened. The sounds of water, the warm breeze and the birds. He almost felt like his was sitting back at Snyder Pond. He laughed lightly just to himself.

"Hi Luke," he heard behind him and his breath caught in his chest. He was afraid to look back. He was afraid that if he did, the owner of the voice would disappear. But he wanted to see him so badly. Luke turned sideways and looked behind him. A smile crossed his face; almost of its own accord. It was true. When Noah was concerned, Luke could not control his smile.

"Hi Noah,"


	27. In the Garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For inspiration I listened to Close Your Eyes (Angel and Buffy's Love Theme) by Christophe Beck on repeat. I suggest you all listen to it if you can. It's in the scene in the Season Finale of Season 2 when Angelus becomes Angel again and Buffy has to kill him anyway. I just showed my geek, didn't I? Here's a link to it on YouTube.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5C92qy7mX8
> 
> Make sure you grab some kleenex.

"Hi Luke," Noah said and he saw Luke shoulders tense slightly. Noah could feel the nervousness in his stomach knotting tighter and tighter. His hands were shaking and sweating profusely. He shoved his hands into his pockets, to hide them. He was glad that it was still a little brisk outside. The cold air was keeping him from overheating. This was the same feeling he had the second time he kissed Luke. Just them in the office at WOAK, right before his dad walked in. The way that Luke looked at him sent his temperature through the roof. Now it was just them in a garden in Chicago. Luke turned to face Noah and that smile. That smile would be the death of him; he just knew it.

"Hi Noah,"

"Can I sit with you?" Noah asked as he gestured toward the empty bench facing Luke's.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. Of course," he was stammering. Luke hated that, but of course Noah loved it. Noah had always been nervous around Luke. That was how Noah saw him. Luke was the confident guy who was always himself. It was Noah that was scared and took far too long to accept himself. So Luke's confidence always made Noah nervous. Even after they started dating, Noah was always a bit nervous around him. Luke never tried to intimidate him. Noah was always nervous that Luke would wake up one day and find someone with less baggage and wasn't afraid to be himself or express how he felt. Someone who was easier to be with.

* * *

Lily was standing in Luke's room; looking down at the gardens. She could see her son sitting on the bench and Noah was standing next to him. She hoped that they would finally talk about everything that they had not said. Holden came up behind his ex-wife and rested his hands on her shoulders. Lily leaned back slightly into his body.

"Come on. Let's leave them alone for a little while. They've earned this," Holden whispered and Lily turned to face him.

"You're right," she said and they both walked away from the window.

* * *

Noah sat down and leaned back slightly. His knees were a mere six inches from Luke's. This was the closest they had been to eachother in quite some time; without a hospital bed being involved. Luke was wringing his hands, but he was careful to keep them hidden under his robe. They looked at each other, but they were too nervous to know where to go. But of course it was Luke who spoke first.

"Well, it looks like I missed most of spring,"

"Yeah, it's warmer every day. I'm surprised by how cool it is today," Noah said trying to keep the small talk going. "How are you feeling? Are you warm enough?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. My dad kept my mom distracted so I could sneak out here. You know how I…"

"...hate being cooped up," they both finished Luke's sentence. This elicited a laugh from Luke and a smile from Noah.

"How are you feeling?" Luke asked. He had been really worried about Noah since he would out about the surgery. Well both surgeries actually, but the last one had him real tense. For obvious reasons.

"Good. The doctor discharged me a couple days ago. I've been staying at your apartment. That's ok, isn't? I mean if it's not,"

"No. That's fine. You can stay as long as you want," Luke said and he could see Noah relax just a bit. A silence spread between them again. But Luke had to ask Noah something.

Something that Noah had to answer.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"I mean, why? Why did you?" Luke asked and Noah could see tears welling up in his eyes. Noah took a deep breath and let it out. It was time. He pulled a leaf off a nearby plant and started to fiddle with it; running it through his fingers.

"Did I," Noah stopped and took in a deep breath. "Did I ever tell you that I fell in love with you the moment I saw you? I mean, the exactly first time I saw you. You came into the office at WOAK and you were so pissed at me and you hadn't even met me yet," Noah laughed at the thought and kept going. "But when you came in and looked at me. You were wearing that um, that black shirt with the grey stripes. My breath caught in my throat and I was so glad that you didn't shake my hand, because it was so sweaty," Luke smiled at that confession. "Instead you just shoved those scripts at me. You were so short with me and I couldn't help but think, 'Great. Some first impression'. I was glad that Maddie took me out of the office so I didn't embarrass myself even more. I never told you that did I?" Noah said and all Luke could do was shake his head no. The man that was never without something to say was speechless.

Noah took his silence as a 'please continue'.

"I am so glad that I moved to Oakdale. I mean, I know I've made you think, so many times, that I wished I hadn't, but the truth is, I was and still am, glad that I did. Do you have any idea what my life would be like now if I hadn't?" Noah had to stop when his mind thought about how things would be different. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and kept going. "I probably would have enlisted. I would be in the Army, right now. I probably would have married some girl, any girl that I think my dad would have approved of. I would be miserable. Living a lie that I was too afraid to fight against. You gave me so much strength and you still do. I never would have been able to stand up to my father if it hadn't been for you. And I know that I told you that so many times, but its true Luke. My dad would still be running my life if I hadn't met you. You in all of your annoying, persistent glory." Noah laughed and Luke could only smile at him. "Being blind, all you can do is think and I have been thinking about us a lot. Especially since you left. It reaminds me of this quote,  _It's odd how you depend on someone for strength, and then suddenly all the strength is gone, and you're alone._ I borrowed that from a movie, but it's true," Luke laughed and leaned forward slightly. Noah smiled and he pressed his luck by taking Luke's hands in his. Luke's jaw clenched as he tried to keep himself calm. He wanted to say so many things, but he wanted to let Noah finish first.

"I felt so lost after you left. All my thoughts were about you. Before you left I was cruel to you; over and over again. When I realized that I couldn't see, the first thing I thought of was Luke's going to leave me," Luke recoiled slightly and was about to contradict him, but Noah kept talking. "That was what I thought anyway. I thought, if I push him away and he leaves, then it would hurt less in the long run when you finally did go. I always thought that I was less than you deserved anyway and now that I couldn't see, I thought that you would realize it too. I was hurting and I wanted to hurt you too. I am so sorry that I did those things. I'm sorry that I ignored you. I'm sorry, that I didn't realize that you were sick. I'm sorry that I treated you like you were worth less to me. You never were,"

Noah took in another deep breath; hoping to quell the tears that he had been fighting since he sat down.

"I came to see you. The day that you were in the coffee shop. I saw you come out of your building," shock spread across Luke's face. That was the day that Luke had decided to go to Oakdale to see him, but apparently Noah beat him to it. "Lucinda gave me your address and I flew in to see you. I saw you walking down the street and I just froze. I realized it was the first time since I had seen you since the accident and you looked _**so**_ so good," Luke blushed slightly and Noah thought he looked so adorable when he did that. "But I freaked out. I followed you to the coffee shop and sat across the way and watched you. I was trying to work up the courage to talk to you then I saw Scott come over to you and I thought, 'I blew it. He's moved on'," Luke took a sharp breath, started to shake his head no, and wanted to contradict Noah. Noah could read Luke so well and beat him to it. "I know that Scott's just a friend, but that was what I was thinking at the time. So I just left. I wanted to just get away. I didn't want to hear the words; to hear you tell me that you had started to see someone else. But then when Lily called me and told me that you were sick and the only place I wanted to be was, with you,"

Noah had to keep reminding himself to breathe.

"The reason that I had the surgery and gave you one of my kidneys is because you saved me Luke," Luke's face showed how confused he was by that statement. Noah continued.

"The day I met you. The first time I kissed you. The second time we kissed. Every single day since then, you've saved me. Thinking about how my life would have been different, I can't help but think that no matter how hard I would have tried to be happy, I just, I just, I just wouldn't have been, if I hadn't met you. You helped me realize who I truly am and accept myself. Part of me even wonders if I would've been able to live at all," Luke could not help but squeeze Noah's hands tighter. Noah felt Luke's warm hands get tighter and he pulled from Luke's strength. "I love you Luke. I have since the day I met you and I do right now. I know that I may have screwed everything up, but I needed you to know that,"

"I love you too. Noah, I don't know what to say except I love you too,"

Noah leaned forward and pulled Luke to him. Their lips met and neither one wanted to let go. Luke and Noah poured everything that they had been holding back for the last six months into that kiss. Luke was afraid that he would go the rest of his life without being able to kiss Noah again. Noah held Luke's face in his hands while Luke wrapped his arms around Noah's neck. Noah could feel tears from Luke's eyes sliding over his fingers as they trailed down Luke's cheeks. All he could do was deepen the kiss and show Luke just how much he needed him. Noah kneeled in front of Luke and settled between the blonde's knees. Luke broke the kiss first when he needed to breathe, but he did not pull away. He pulled Noah's body to his and buried his face in Noah's neck. He whispered 'I love you' over and over. Noah felt himself relax into Luke. He wrapped one arm around Luke's waist, careful for Luke's incision, and his other hand got lost in the hair at the nape of Luke's neck. Normally Noah would have been embarrassed to show affection so publicly, but he no longer cared. He had Luke and that was all that mattered right now.

Luke pulled back slightly and rested his forehead against Noah's. He took Noah's face in his hands and lightly rubbed his thumbs against Noah's cheeks. Noah felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.

"I have thought of nothing but you since I left," Luke whispered; his lips were just a hairs breath away from Noah's.

"I know, I ah, read your letters," Noah winced as the words came out.

"No you didn't,"

"I'm sorry, but it was an accident, at first, and then I just had to read them,"

"Shh. It's ok. Really. They were things that I should have said to you. A long time ago," Luke knew that he should be mad about Noah reading his letters, but right now…it just didn't matter.

"Yeah. We do have a lot to talk about, but do you think we could skip that for now and go back to the kissing part?" Noah asked; playfully arching his eyebrows.

Luke laughed and leaned back in, clasping onto Noah's lower lip and pulling him flush against him again.

* * *

Lily looked back down at her son and what she saw brought a smile to her face. Holden joined her briefly and couldn't help but smile.

"It's about time," Lily remarked as she turned to face Holden. She looked at her ex-husband smiling down at their son and then surprised them both. She took Holden face in her hands and kissed him. Holden pulled Lily to him and kissed her back.

Holden pulled back when he needed to breathe and looked at an equally breathless Lily.

"Yeah, it's about time," he said simply.


	28. Where They Stood

Luke was released from the hospital a week later. Noah was there every day. They avoided the elephant in the room. Neither one wanted to spoil their reconciliation. They just wanted to bask in the glow of it for a little while. Even if it was short lived.

Noah had been having his scheduled appointments with Dr. Johns via phone since he came to Chicago. She told him what he knew to be true. He and Luke **_had_** to talk about everything. Everything that split them up in the first place. Otherwise it would be like putting a band-aid on a gunshot. Sure, it might help for a little while, but eventually the patient would die.

He didn't want all of that anger and resentment to be at the heart of things to come. Noah also didn't want to talk about all of this while Luke was recovering. He wanted to wait until they were alone and could really talk without the worry of someone walking in. Like hospital staff or, more likely, a member of Luke's family. Their first night alone in Luke's apartment seemed like the best time.

Luke had showered and changed into a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt while Noah cleaned up from dinner. Luke was surprised by how hungry he was. After months of barely eating, the fact that he could keep anything keep down surprised him.

"You didn't have to clean up," Luke remarked as he walked into the kitchen.

"You kidding? Someone had to clean up after you. You're still a slob," Noah said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, what would I do without you?" he asked laughingly as he put the back of his hand to his forehead, fanning himself dramatically.

Luke leaned over the small island and kissed Noah. Noah's eyes shut so he could savor the quick kiss.

"So, now what?" Luke asked as he walked into the living room. Noah eyes never left him; he still could not get over how much weight he lost. He felt a twinge in his heart when he thought of what caused it. Luke finished his journey into the living room and flopped onto the sofa.

Now was the time.

"Well, I've been thinking," Noah said as he walked around the island and sat at the opposite end of the sofa. "I think we need to talk,"

"About what?" Luke asked with apprehension and fear in his voice.

"About us. About everything that happened from Mason to the accident to now. We need to," Noah said as he reached out and took Luke's hand in his.

"I know. I know we should, I've just been avoiding it. It's painful stuff,"

"I know. I think that if we do this, then, we'll be better this time," Noah agreed as he played with Luke's hands. He was trying to keep the mood as light as he could for as long as he could.

They turned toward each other and settled in; each sitting sideways on the couch. Luke pulled left knee to his chest and let his right foot swing against the rug. Noah curled his right leg under him and let his left rest on the floor.

"Ok. Where do we start?" Luke asked.

"Mason,"

"Mason?" Luke asked; his eyebrows raised high.

"Yeah, that's the beginning isn't it?"

"Ok! What about **Mason**?" Luke hit the syllables in Mason hard. He could feel himself getting angry and they had just started.

"Why did you show Damian the DVD?"

"Because you didn't tell me,"

"What does that mean?" Noah asked and he couldn't hide his confusion.

"It means that I had to find out about the kiss from the dailies and not from you. When Mason hit on you the first time, you came straight to me. But he kissed you and you didn't say anything. It made me think, what else were you not telling me. And I went to Damian for support. I wanted to vent to someone and have them reinforce what I already knew. That you loved me and nothing would ever happen between you two. When Mason and I had that fight in Java and you didn't want to hear about what I was feeling. I wanted to talk to someone who would agree with me. Plus we weren't talking much at the time and you were busy with your movie and I didn't want to bother you with it,"

"That's just it Luke. We're partners. We're in this together. We're supposed to talk to each other about things like this. When you went to Damian and not me, it made me feel like you didn't trust me,"

"It's not that. Whenever I saw you guys together or when you told me things you guys talked about, it was…," Luke bowed his head, almost in embarrassment.

"It was what?" Noah encouraged him; trying to catch his eye line.

"It was like watching you and Maddie all over again," Luke looked up and his gaze locked with Noah's; he could see tears wanting to fall out of those chocolate eyes. Luke was admitting something that broke his heart to say out loud. "All of sudden I was back in that place when I was in love with you and didn't love me; like I was on the outside looking in again. You guys had a lot in common, _**more**_ than we do. And I was worried that you would realize that. It didn't help that Mason had no respect for me or our relationship. He even threatened to steal you away from me,"

"But he would not have been able to,"

"Do you know that? Look at us. He is not even an issue anymore and we are still fighting about him. If he had kept pressing, been a listener when you needed one, an ally when we fought, can you honestly say that you would not have gone to him? How about when you were pushing me away? If he had come to you and been your "friend", can you tell me that you would not have done anything?"

Noah let Luke's words sink in. He had never seen this from Luke's side before. Noah knew that Mason and Luke would never have been friends, but to hear how Luke saw Mason. That was something else.

"What did he say to you?"

"He said that when you two were working on the project you were hands off, but as soon as the movie was done, it was game on. I thought, how am I going to compete with someone who you respect and look up to so much? And with us pulling away from each other at the time…,"

"What do you mean, pulling away?"

"Noah, the only time we saw each other was when one of us would come home after midnight and fall into bed. We were both busy and I understand that, and I know we weren't broken up, but it still hurt that he was spending more time with you than I was. I was missing you and when I saw the kiss…,"

"You thought the worst. You still should have talked to me about it,"

"I know! That's what I planned on doing after I showed the DVD to Damian and he told me not to worry about it and to talk to you. But then you called me, had me meet you at Java, and you told me that the Dean had questioned you…,"

"Why didn't you tell me then? About Damian?"

"Because I wasn't sure it was him until after we talked. I wanted to be sure before I told you. And when I did find out, I came to you and I told you,"

"And I blew up at you,"

"Did I ever tell you about that day on the roof?" Luke asked and Noah answered by shaking his head no. "When you fell and I couldn't touch you, I thought my life was going to end, right there. Then when your heart stopped,"

"My what?"

"Yeah I'm not sure why, the trauma I guess, the paramedics had to do CPR and they shocked you in the ambulance. Then our fight kept going through my head and I kept thinking, 'He's never going to know that I'm sorry. He's going to die hating me'," Luke voice could not hide the anguish he felt that day. "I was going to lose the love of my life because I didn't trust us enough," Luke bit his lower lip to keep it from quivering; it didn't help but a little.

"Luke the explosion wasn't your fault," Noah said and Luke looked at him. This was the first time that Noah had said that to him.

"I guess, I thought it was, I felt guilty, and then when you blamed me, I started to believe it," Luke said in quiet almost defeated voice. Noah looked at Luke. He had pulled his other leg up onto the couch and hugged his knees to his chest. Noah could see all of those months after the accident were still hanging onto Luke. Several tears rolled down Luke's cheeks. Luke deserved to know.

It was his turn to explain. Luke brushed his tears away while Noah cleared his throat. He wanted to get this out without breaking down. He had planned out this conversation for a long time. He wanted to get it right.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you after the accident. I was angry that I couldn't see and I took it out on you because you were always there. You said that you wanted to be wherever I was and I wanted to punish you for what happened to me. I was grieving and there was nowhere for me to direct my anger except at you. I didn't care…I started to not care how you felt. It wasn't until I really started to go over everything with Dr. Johns that I realized that I _**wanted**_ to push you away,"

"Why would you hurt me like that?"  Luke's voice sounded so grave and weak.

"I always thought it was a miracle that we met; I mean what are the odds? That we would meet and that we would click like that. That we would just fit. In the back of my mind, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my anger and _ **fear**_ , I thought that eventually you would leave me and if we weren't close anymore then…,"

"Then what?"

"Then it wouldn't utterly destroy me. If we weren't close anymore when we broke up, then eventually I would be able get past you," Noah choked back a sob. He hated to even think about them breaking up for good and to tell Luke about it; it was just too much. "Then when you did leave. My entire world caved in. It was something your mom said to me when she came home after you left. She found me sitting on the living room floor. I dropped right after you walked out the door," Luke was listening and he didn't even realize that he was moving closer until his knee pumped Noah's. He took Noah's hand in his and Noah kept going. "She helped me to the sofa and when she told me that everyone knew that you were leaving, I got so mad. I was pissed that everyone seemed to know something that pertained to us and I didn't. But your mom told me that you wanted to be sure that everyone who cared about me would be able to take your place. And the first thought that came to me was, No one could replace you," Noah looked up and saw Luke's beautiful face and his amazing eyes. He could see his reflection in the tears that were resting there. "After that night, I decided that I had to get better. I had to get better for us," Noah reached out and lightly brushed the tears from Luke's eyes. "God, I love you. I never thought I could love someone so much,"

Luke always felt that way. He knew what Noah and he had was a once in a lifetime kind of thing. The kind of love that Nicholas Sparks wrote about. The stuff that Hallmark made millions off of. Luke leaned closer and lightly brushed his lips against Noah's. Noah didn't need to be told twice. He reached out and slid his hand into the long hair that lay just under Luke's left ear. He pulled Luke closer to him. A duo of moans came out and Luke moved towards Noah; pushing the man onto his back. Luke lay half on top of Noah and half next to him on the sofa.

This was not about sex.

It was about just being together. They lazily kissed for several more hours; mostly lying together and listening to each other breathe.

Luke told him about his life in Chicago, pretty much everything that had happened since he left Oakdale.

Noah told him about his therapy and about the surgery, basically everything that had happened since he left.

They just shared with each other, their lives till now.

And that was enough. For now.


	29. Falling Into Place

"Hi mom,"

"Hi baby. How are you feeling?" Lily asked her oldest.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm good. So…are you going to tell me or I am going to have to pull it out of you?" Lily asked as she sat in the living room of her house; her feet tucked underneath her. She sipped her coffee and cradled her cell phone on her shoulder for a minute. She still did not like that Luke had decided to stay in Chicago instead of coming home, but it was his decision. Plus he doctors were in Chicago; a point he had in his favor when they decided all this. Noah also insisted on he stay in Chicago and if she knew her adopted son at all, he would be sure that Luke took good care of himself. She smiled to herself when she thought of them together again. She hoped that this phone call was to relay that fact to her.

"Tell you what?" Luke said; playing dumb. He could still hear Noah in the shower. It was just past 10 in the morning and Noah promised him breakfast. Luke decided he was going to show Noah the café that was just down the street. It was an old school dining car, which was built to replicate a train car, with real leather booths. Luke's old-fashioned boyfriend was going to love it.

"Luke Snyder."

"Whoa both names…pulling out the big guns. Well," Luke paused as he sat down on the sofa and pulled a quilt over his legs. "He stayed over last night," Luke said and he heard a very faint gasp. "He slept on the couch mom. Nothing like that happened,"

"Well, you're an adult. So, tell what happened. Keep it clean, I'm still your mother,"

Luke couldn't hold back the laugh. He told her everything. Everything that he and Noah talked about. They had only worked through a bit of the mess that they made, but at least he admitted that it was going to talk more talking to get through the rest.

"And then we made out a bit," Luke said and then couldn't believe he said it, but when you are incandescently happy, you want to share. His cheeks still flushed for a second.

"I'm so happy for you sweetheart. And for Noah. He was pretty miserable after you left as I'm sure you were. I'm just glad that you're willing to work through everything," Lily said and took another sip of her coffee.

"I'm going to run out to the farm and I'll be back in a couple hours," Holden said as he entered the living room from the kitchen. He leaned down and gave Lily a quick kiss.

"Say hi to Luke," Lily said and then held the phone up to Holden.

"Hi Luke,"

"Huh, hi dad," Luke was confused, hopeful, but still confused.

Holden grabbed his coat and slipped out.

"Mom, what's dad doing there and did I hear a kiss?" Luke asked with a playful smile, that even though Lily couldn't see, she knew was there.

"You nevermind,"

"What?! I just spilled my guts, your turn,"

"Ok. Well, your dad and I have decided to get back together. At least give it try," Lily said as shifted in her chair. Luke tried to hold back the excitement he was feeling. He would love his parents together or not, but he did vote for together. He knew that his mom loved Damian, but it wasn't quite the same as her and Holden. He was worried about Damian. Damian loved Lily more than anything, but in end he could not hold a candle to his dad. "This whole thing with Noah, and you getting sick, your dad and I got closer. I realized where my real family is. I love Damian, but what I feel for your dad…I can't compare that to anything,"

"Mom, I'm happy for you, I really am, but what about Damian?" He asked with a wince.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about him. This has been building for a while, but I think he'll land on his feet,"

"He always does," Luke said with a smile. Noah came out of the bedroom with a fresh shave and looking almost too good. He was wearing distressed blue jeans that hung just at his hips with a long sleeve, two-tone grey shirt. The shirt was a little baggie, but it hung off him and hit him in all the right places. Luke was instantly distracted and he heard his mom call his name twice before he even realized it. "Ah, mom, Noah is ready and we were going to get breakfast. I'll call you tonight, so don't worry about me,"

"Sorry honey, I have to worry. I'm your mom. Give Noah a kiss for me. Bye baby,"

"Bye," Luke slid his phone shut and jumped up from the sofa. Noah had his duffle bag on the island and was digging through it, he didn't even hear Luke. Luke stepped behind him and slid his hands just under Noah's shirt and across his abs.

"Ahhh ahhh! Cold hands!" Noah jumped as Goosebumps ran up his body from his ankles to his shoulders. He grabbed Luke's hands and turned in his arms. Luke quickly wrapped his arms around Noah's waist and pulled him together. His lips latched into Noah's and the brunette then wrapped his arms around Luke. "Hmmmm," Noah pulled back slightly, but kept his arms resting on Luke's hips. "What was that for?"

"Well, two reasons," Luke's arms slid up and draped them across Noah's shoulders. "One, you looked just too good not to attack. And two, my mom told me to give you a kiss,"

"O-k. Mood's gone," he pulled back from Luke and a loud cackle erupted from Luke's chest. "Are we still going to breakfast?"

"Hey, I've been ready for like ever," Luke grabbed his light jacket and handed Noah his.

"You take more time in the bathroom then anyone I know," Noah responded as he slid his own jacket on. Luke opened the door and kept up his taunting.

"Please, your showers are legendary for how long they take. I know what _**we**_ do in there together," Luke turned around and started to lock the door. "But what exactly do you do in there when you're alone that takes so long?" Luke playfully arched his eyebrows.

"I'll tell you when you tell me what's take you so long in front of the mirror," Noah gave Luke arched brows right back. Luke laughed as he straightened Noah jacket.

"Not all of us were lucky enough to be naturally adorable as you," he leaned forward and gave Noah a quick kiss.

"Did you just quote C _lueless_ to me?"

"What? It's a classic,"

"No. _His Girl Friday_ is a classic. What am I going to do with you?" Noah casually asked as he closed the distance between him and Luke, but it was the opening of a door they broke them apart this time.

"Will!" Luke exclaimed in surprise.

"Oh, hi Luke," the embarrassed brunette said as he slipped on his leather jacket.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Noah is this Will. Will this my boyfriend Noah," Luke made the introductions and the two men shook hands. Noah felt a surge of warmth enter his chest when he heard "boyfriend" come from Luke's lips. Luke took the time to take in Will's appearance. His shirt was half-tucked, he hadn't shaved, and his hair was wet.

"Nice to meet you," Will said. He looked at his watch and was surprised by the time. "I really have to go. I'll see ya later Luke," he said and then quickly walked down the hall. Luke and Noah watched the man leave and Luke quickly stepped over to Scott's door. He knocked twice and waited.

"Just a second," Luke whispered to a confused Noah. Luke could hear movement inside.

"Did you forget something?" Scott said as he opened the door with a huge smile, but the smile slowly fell as he saw Luke standing there with a big smile himself. Luke saw that Scott was expecting someone else. It was probably the no shirt thing that snitched it for him. Noah saw Scott standing there shirtless and couldn't help but stare a bit. The guy worked out, that was obvious, and he had one of the most amazing tattoos that Noah had ever seen.

"Guess who I saw coming out of your apartment not a minute ago," Luke was teasing and Scott was beginning to blush. Luke crossed his arms and leaned against Scott's door frame. He was standing just inside of the apartment, so Scott was stuck until Luke moved.

"I'll tell you everything later," Scott said a hushed whisper. He didn't really know Noah and he wasn't exactly going to share this kind of information with him.

"You can tell me now. You can join us for breakfast,"

"No thanks. I'm suddenly not very hungry," Scott's cheeks continued to flush redder and redder.

"I want full details," Luke said with a wink.

"Fine!" Scott said as he slammed the door shut. Luke had to jumped back or risk being hit by the door. Luke looked at Noah and laughed again.

"I'll explain on the way. Come on," Luke said as he started down the hall with Noah right beside him. As soon as they walked outside, Noah made the first step. He slipped his hand into Luke's. Luke looked down at their joined hands and couldn't help but smile.

This is what he was missing.


	30. Things Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the gap between posting.  
> I recently changed jobs and I hope to post a little more frequently.  
> Thanks!  
> ENJOY!

The boys walked down Mikey's Diner. The traffic was light for late morning and the streets were wet. Luke was so preoccupied with Noah last night he didn't even realized it rained. The first rain of Spring was always a welcomed sight. Washing away all the dirt from winter and the air had that fresh smell to it that reminded Luke of home.

Luke and Noah slid into their both at Mikey's Diner; Luke just across from Noah. Luke was right, Noah was in heaven. Luke watched as he took in his surroundings. The diner was long with four booths on each end and counter with bar stool running along the middle. The floor was white and black checkered and the walls were brushed aluminum on the bottom and bright red on top. The walls were covered with advertisements from the 50's and 60's. From car ads to ads for department stores, this place had it. There was even a poster sized replica of a speeding ticket that James Dean got two days before he died. Luke could not hold back his amusement about the smile that Noah was wearing right now.

"So, whatta think?" Luke asked, knowing the answer already.

"This place is amazing. We are definitely coming back here again," Noah said as he opened his menu and started to look it over.

"We, huh?" Luke asked. He and Noah hadn't been a 'we' for quite awhile. It felt nice to hear Noah say it.

"Yeah, **WE** are. **WE** are dating. **WE** are together," Noah was teasing and Luke couldn't help but laugh.

" **YOU** are a dork,"

"Maybe **I** am. But I love you,"

"Aww, **I** love **YOU** too,"

The rest of their meal was filled with casual conversation and pleasant pauses. But they had always been this way. They were just comfortable. Luke was always the one who had to fill silences. Probably something he inherited from his grandmother. But when he was around Noah he could just the silence be. He didn't feel the need to talk or explain or ramble. When he was with Noah, he felt peace. He had been afraid that he would not feel this again. Truth be told, he had been starting to imagine his life without Noah in it. It wasn't something that he wanted to do, but he felt it was a way to prepare himself, and his heart, in case they couldn't work things out. He never imagined a particular person, it was more of a faceless man. Noah's shoes would have been pretty hard to fill. Luke was so happy right now that he was almost guilty that thought that way to begin with.

They were almost done with their meal and Luke was itching to get back to the apartment. Noah had to call Dr. Johns in about half an hour and Luke wanted to get to Scott's. He needed to know what the hell happened with him and Will.

* * *

They took their time getting back to the apartment. Luke left Noah alone in the bedroom to talk to his doctor while Luke snuck across the hall to Scott's apartment. He knocked with a heavy hand and impatiently waited for his friend to open the door. He was lightly bouncing in place, almost unable to control his excitement. Scott looked through the peephole and saw Luke out there. Scott groaned and opened the door. He knew that this was coming. He opened the door and Luke almost knocked him over. He rushed in so quickly; already talking.

"Ok. You and I are going to talk. And I mean right now. I want to know what is going on,"

"Where's Noah?" Scott asked, trying to delay him a bit further.

"He's talking to his shrink and I wanted to give him some privacy. Now! Stop Stalling!" Luke sat on Scott's sofa and his feet tucked in to sit cross legged. Scott let out a breath and sat across from him. He liked Luke and deep down he wanted to tell someone about last night.

"OK. Well, the guys came over for the Cubs/White Sox game," Scott said. Luke was reminded that the baseball season started in about a week. Chicago, and Illinois in general, was always a buzz during preseason exhibition games. It was the only time of the year that the Cubs and the White Sox played; being in different leagues and all. Unless of course they were in the World Series, but that has yet to happen.

"The game started and then the rain came. The game was cancelled about four innings in. Lyle, Michael and Andy left almost right away. Leaving about dozen beer bottles, chips, popcorn, and pizza boxes everywhere. Will offered to stay and help me clean up,"

" ** _Sex_** you up more like," Luke said with a sly smile.

"Luke! Do you want to hear this?"

"Sorry, sorry," Luke put his hands in defeat and tried to keep his mouth shut while Scott started.

* * *

Scott could not get over the mess that five guys could make in an hour and half. It probably didn't help that half of them were Cubs fanatics while the other half were die-hard White Sox fans. Popcorn was airborne several times, followed quickly by chips and the occasional pretzel. Scott said bye as they left, leaving just him and Will. Will came out of the bathroom and was about to say goodnight when he saw the mess and all-by-himself Scott cleaning it up. He felt guilty immediately and started to help. Scott looked up and for a split second Luke voice ran through his head.

_**"He is completely in love with you. Anyone can see that,"** _

_**"No, he's not,"** _

_**"Please. Ok, let me lay it out for you. He flirts in front of you. He makes sexual innuendoes about other men in ear shot of you, so that you will pay attention. Constantly makes comments on how you look, sometimes resorting to dirty content, let's see what else did I leave out?"** _

Scott shook off the voice and went back to work.

"You really don't have to stay. I can get this."

"Oh, come on. We leave your place a wreck every time we come here."

"I'm sure that you have somewhere else to be."

"Actually I don't have anything until later. I told this guy I was watching the game and we'd meet later," Will said slyly. Scott felt his stomach clench for a moment. Luke was so wrong about Will and him. He had a date with some other dude tonight. He was not in love with him. He was going to make a point of that with Luke tomorrow. They each got back to work. In about an hour's time, they had the entire place cleaned up. Luke leaned against the kitchen counter while Will finished drying the dishes. He got himself staring again. Will slipped the last dish into the cupboard and dried his hands. Scott caught himself staring at Will's hands and started to blush when Will had to say his name twice to get his attention.

"You ok?" Will asked.

"Yeah, sure. Sorry," Scott stammered out and then looked away. Will smiled to himself just a bit at Scott's flustered appearance.

"I'm gonna use your bathroom and then I'll get out of here,"

"Ok," Scott said to Will retreating form. As the bathroom door shut, Scott hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. Yes. He was going to kill Luke tomorrow. Honestly, making him think that Will could be in love with him. Scott was nervous now as he waited for Will to come out of the bathroom. He walked around the living room straightening these books and fluffing those pillows. Why was he so anxious right now? They had been friends since high school. Scott was the first one he came out to. Will came out to him the next year.

There was that **_one_** night during their sophomore year of college. It was Spring Break and they had decided to go to Cancun together. Both of them had struck out at the bars and when they got back to the room…shots were not a good idea and that led to more than just sleeping it off.  It was after that trip they vowed never to do them again. A vow neither one wanted to break. Until now.

Will came out of the bathroom and saw Scott fussing about the living room. He smiled slightly and watched his best friend. Scott was always wound just a little too tight. He was always the straight A student. Never broke the rules. Always polite and well-mannered. Will on the other hand was the opposite. Never in a steady relationship. Did well in school, but never let it cut into a good time. Maybe that was why they were such good friends. Ying and Yang. They fit. Will swallowed hard at that thought and stepped back into the hallway a bit. He didn't Scott to know he had been watching him.

"Ok, I'm gonna get going," he said as he slammed the bathroom door shut.

"Oh ok," Scott said as he unconsciously rubbed his hands on his thighs. They met at the door and paused for a second. "I'll ah let you know if the game is rescheduled,"

"Oh ok. Well, goodnight," Will responded.

And then he did it.

Scott stepped towards Will and kissed him. It wasn't a quick peck or a movie kiss. There was nothing friendly or dirty in it. It was just them. Will pulled back a bit and looked Scott in the eyes. He had never seen a pair of eyes with so wanting and warmth in his life. He kissed him right back. Will slammed into Scott; taking the blonde's face in his hands. Scott pulled Will's waist to his and groaned as Will sucked on his lower lip. Will turned Scott and pushed his back against the door. He pushed his thigh between Scott's legs and Scott threw his head back. The friction between them was driving Scott crazy. It was like Will had turned Scott's dial to _**11**_. Will took advantage of the exposed skin of his neck; he kissed, licked and nibbled all that he could get to. Scott pulled on Will shoulders; he just could not get Will close enough to him, at least with their clothes on. Will almost winced when Scott dug his fingers into his shoulders.

Will slipped his hands under the hem of Scott's t-shirt and relished in the warm skin underneath. Scott felt electricity firing off of all of his nerves when Will's hands touched the skin on his back. It was almost as if he turned on a light switch. Scott could feel his skin getting warmer and warmer, sweat starting to come through his pores. His breathing was coming out in pants as Will continued to slide his hands across Scott's skin. Before he realized it, Will had pulled Scott's shirt up and off. The cool air in the apartment hit his moist skin and sent shivers over his whole body, but the shivers didn't last long. Will looked down at the slightly shorter other man. Scott's eyes were half open and air was rushing in and back out of him. He slid his hands up Scott's arms, over his shoulders, and down his chest. Will's mouth followed his fingers and was soon licking and nibbling down Scott's chest; causing Scott's back to arch. Scott grabbed onto Will's biceps and pulled him back to face him. Scott decided that he wanted to be in the driver's seat for a little while.

He pushed on Will's chest and turned him around; facing the wall. Will's chest was flush with the wall and Scott was right up against him. Scott untucked Will's black t-shirt and pulled it off his body. Will looked over his shoulder and was surprised. Scott was never like this. Scott was always the good guy, not the one who took control. Scott could not help but take in the few of his friend Will's back. The muscles moved and stretched under his skin; skin that he needed to taste. Will jumped slightly when he felt Scott's tongue on his back. Scott licked in one long, slow swath from the small of his back up to his shoulders. As he came up to Will's shoulders, he ground his pelvis into Will. Will pushed back into Scott and groans came from both men. Scott slid his hot hands around Will's ribs and across his abs while his mouth latched onto a tight muscle in his shoulder. He lightly scrapped his nails across Will's stomach; causing the brunette to jump and laugh slightly.

* * *

The rain was hitting Scott bedroom windows as they two men crashed into the room. Scott had Will's face in his hands and was walking Will back towards the bed. Will hit the bed just behind his knees and he fell back into the mattress. Scott quickly relieved Will of his pants and his followed quickly after. Will pushed himself back on the bed and up to the pillows. Scott crawled up Will's body. He could see all the muscles in Scott's shoulders and sides moving as he slowly made his way up. Will had to swallow hard.

He wanted to be selfish.

He wanted to take Scott; hard and now and all night.

But Scott was his best friend. He loved him. Scott took things to heart all the time and he did not want something like this to come between them, no pun intended. But wait, where did Scott learned to do that with his tongue? Will lost all train of thought while Scott made his way up to his mouth. Will's hands latched onto Scott's waist and pulled their bodies together, much to delight of each man. When Will was finally able to put two thoughts together that extended past 'Ahhhh', he took Scott's face in his hands. He needed to ask him a question. Scott's brow furrowed with confusion; how did he stop?

"Are you sure about this? After this moment, I'm not going to be able to stop," he said as he lightly brushed his thumb across Scott's slightly swollen lower lip. Scott smiled slightly and reached across Will to his nightstand. He pulled out a bottle lube and a sleeve of condoms. He dropped them on Will's stomach and raised his eyebrows.

Will took that as a yes.

So he took Scott. Several times.

* * *

The next morning, the sun was streaming into Scott's bedroom. He was lying on his stomach; groaned slightly as he rose up onto his elbows. He took him about 15 seconds to remember what happened last night. He smiled wide when he thought about all the hot and sweaty and the sweaty and hot. He rolled onto his back and he was alone. He suddenly felt sick.

What had he done?

He knew Luke was wrong!

Scott listened and he could hear the shower was running. He sat up and winced in pain, but it was the good kind. The kind that made him glad to be a man and of course gay. He limped slightly into the bathroom and slowly pushed open the door. He could see the silhouette of Will behind the shower curtain. Scott bit on his lower lip as he inched closer to the shower. He carefully slipped in behind Will and watched him for a moment. He had his hands on the shower wall and his head was hanging low. The spray was hitting the top of his spine and the water cascaded down his back and over his ass. Scott suddenly wanted to bite it. He could see where had he bit Will last night. He thought it was the third time his came last night. He was so wrapped up in Will that he didn't even realize that he did it until after.

Scott ran his hands up Will's shoulder blades and Will jumped in shock.

"You scared me," Will said as Scott pulled him; his back against Scott's chest. Part of him wanted to flee, but there was only one part of him that was making his decisions at the moment and it wasn't his brain. He cursed his body. _I thought you were on my side._

"Good morning," Scott said and then ran his hand down Will's body and took Will into his hand. Will moaned and pushed back into his friend. Scott licked at the bite wound his gave Will, lightly sucking at the welt. Suffice it to say, their shower did not end anytime soon.

* * *

Will was in the living room slipping his shirt on when Scott came out of the bathroom running a towel over his wet hair. Will paused as he saw water dripping down Scott naked chest. _Focus._ He had to get out of here.

"I have to go or I'm gonna be late for my sociology lecture."

"Ok. Call me later?" As soon as the words left his lips, he wanted to snatch them back.

"Ah, sure. I better go," Will grabbed his jacket and was out the door. On any other time, he would have known that Will was trying to hide something, but right now he was a bit blind. He was happy. What happened with Will was supposed to happen. He wanted it to. He would not take it back for anything.

* * *

"What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" Will mumbled to himself. He was sitting at the coffee shop on the corner. He had downed an espresso and was waiting for another when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw Noah standing there.

"Will, right? Are you ok?" He could see something was distressing the guy. After everything he and Luke had gone through, he felt that he had seen everything. Will was important to Scott; Scott was important to Luke; Luke was important to Noah; so he felt he had to help him. If Will would let him.

* * *

"And that's where you came in," Scott said to a silent Luke.

"Wow. I wonder if Noah is done with his shrink yet?" Luke said and then gave Scott a sideways glance.

Both men laughed even though they knew that Luke was only half-kidding.


	31. Obstacle Course

Noah sat across from Will and watched him drum his fingers on the table. He was visibly nervous and Noah was afraid that he was going to blast-off from all the caffeine he was ingesting. Will wanted to talk to someone about what happened, but could he really talk to someone he just met. Literally just met. He was Luke's boyfriend, but that didn't mean he was going to be able to tell him why he was freaking out. Will sat back and thought about who he could tell. Most of his friends were in name only. They were more like acquaintances than they were friends. Scott was the one that he confided in. The one who he went to for advice.

What was he suppose to do now?

"Will, you can tell me what's bothering you. I know you don't know me. Maybe that's the best reason why you should tell me. I'm an unbiased opinion," Noah said as he took a sip from his large cappuccino. As crazy as this whole thing was, he needed to talk to someone. Keeping this inside was going to kill him.

"Ok. This is nuts. I barely know you, but here goes," Will said and let out a long sigh. And he let it all out. He told Noah how Scott just kissed him out the blue. He also told him that he wanted it to happen. Not that it was a conscious thought or anything, just that when it started he didn't want it to stop. He made brief mention of the night during spring break a few years ago and that they had vowed not to do it again. But Will was confused now. He wanted to get away from Scott, almost as much as he wanted to just _**take**_ Scott. He felt awkward and strange around him all of the sudden. They never had that problem. He didn't know what to think about the whole thing.

"I mean, why would he do that? Just kiss me like that. Things were great, perfect even. Why would he screw it all up just to sleep with me?" Will asked as he pulled another piece of cardboard off his coffee cup sleeve. He had a small pile of white and blue on the table in front of him. Noah fought the urge to dust them into the garbage can.

"Well, maybe he didn't think he was screwing it up. Maybe he thought he was making things better."

"Huh? Why would he think that? We can't be together; we know each other too well. He knows everything about me.  Things would not work out."

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that things wouldn't work out. Listen, I'm probably the last one to be giving you relationship advice, but I will tell you this. Sometimes the one you least expect will the first one to surprise you. When I met Luke, I wouldn't even admit I was gay," Will looked at him with a slight look of consideration. "It's true. I was dating one of Luke's friends and I had decided that Luke was just a friend and that was it. But the longer I lived in Oakdale and more I got to know him, the more I fell in love with him. It's because of him that I was finally able to accept who I was. A decision that I have not regretted, not once. The idea of not being with him; it kills me. I would not be who I am or where I am without him. Now, you need to think about what you really want and what you are willing to lose and you'll have your answer," Noah finished.

"Large coffee vanilla ice crema with whipped cream," the barista called out and Noah stood to get Luke's coffee.

"Ah, Noah? Thanks," Will said as the tall brunette walked toward the door. Will stayed in the coffee shop for a little while longer while he mulled over what Noah told him.

* * *

Noah got back to the apartment and was nearly tackled by Luke as he entered. Luke's lips were latched on to Noah's and both guys fell hard against the front door; slamming it shut. Noah moaned into Luke's mouth as the blonde licked across Noah's lips; then letting his tongue enter to lick at Noah's. Luke slid his hands down Noah long torso and under his jacket. Noah could feel Luke's fingers dig into his back and fist at his shirt. Luke finally had to pull away when he needed air.

"Hi," Luke said in his bedroom voice. Noah stood, slightly slouched, against the door with a coffee cup in each hand. "Aww, you got me coffee, thanks baby," Luke took his coffee from Noah's hand, gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and walked over to the island. He hopped up onto one of the bar stool and sipped on his cool, whip cream topped drink; playfully swinging his feet back and forth. Noah stayed where he was. His brain was foggy as he tried to make his body move.

"Hi," he finally was able to say after a few more seconds. He straightened up and walked into the kitchen. His pants were noticeably tighter and he had to calm the sex part of his brain before it took over. "You're not playing fair," he said as he leaned heavily against the counter.

Luke spun around on the stool and looked at Noah across the counter.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," he said; playing dumb.

"The doctor did not clear us to have sex yet. They want to make sure that everything healed first, that's what I mean. SO you attacking me, not very productive,"

"True, but it was fun," Luke said and then winked at Noah. Noah gave him a side glance and bit the inside of his cheek.

* * *

Will was walking back to Scott's building after Noah left him in the coffee shop. He was really thinking about what Noah told him. What was he willing to lose? He could not lose Scott. Scott was the best friend he had ever had and there was nothing he would do to risk that. He couldn't do through with it. He and Scott would never work out. They had to just stay friends. None of his relationships have ever lasted longer than a few months and he never saw the men again. He could not screw this up and not see him again.

He thought about all of this as he walked up the two flights of stairs to Scott's apartment. He thought about it as he walked down the hallway to Scott's door. He kept repeating to himself that he had to end it; friends were all that they could be. It wouldn't work any other way. He knocked on Scott's door and waited for the blonde to answer.

* * *

"Oh, Snyder. You're gonna get it,"

"That's what I was hoping for when you came in," Luke teased; his voice full of innuendo.

"That's it!" Noah said as he rushed around the counter and just missed Luke as he jumped up and ran into the living room.

"Come on, Mayer. You're faster than that," he taunted him from the other side of the sofa. Noah stood behind it with just an arm's length away from him. Luke lightly danced from one foot to the other; trying to anticipate Noah's next move. They locked eyes for a moment, each enjoying this little game they were playing. Each knew that they couldn't go all the way, but a little play was all right. As soon as Luke stopped for a second, Noah dove at him over the back of the sofa. Luke dodged Noah, jumping to the side of the coffee table. Noah fell feet over head and landed on the floor at the foot of sofa. Noah pushed the coffee table out of the way and scrambled to his feet. Luke laughed and stood near the front door.

"You're getting slow in your old age," Luke brushed his hair out of his face as Noah got to feet. Noah was faster than Luke realized and he dashed down the hall and had nowhere to go, but into his bedroom. He turned back just in time to have Noah catch him around the waist. Noah captured Luke's mouth with his own. Luke's shock was short-lived and he started to kiss him back. Hands started roaming and bodies were beginning to be disrobed when they landed on Luke's bed; Luke on top of Noah.

Luke straddled Noah's waist and ran his hands under Noah's shirt. Noah could feel himself getting warmer as Luke's body moved against his.

"You are going to be the death of me. Do you know that?" Noah asked. Luke just smiled as he leaned down and kissed Noah with all he could. Noah's hands grasped onto Luke's waist and pulled their bodies tighter against each other. Groans echoed through Luke's bedroom.

* * *

Will knocked again and waited. He could hear Scott moving around inside. He took a deep breath and let it out. He had to keep it together. Scott opened the door and a smile spread across his face. He looked happy to see Will.

" _Sometimes the one you least expect will the first one to surprise you,"_

" _Now, you think about what you really want and what you are willing to lose and you'll have your answer,"_ Noah's voice echoed in his head as he looked at his best friend.

The cute blonde that had a smile that lit up any room he was in. That knew everything about him and didn't hold it against him. Will took one more breath and stepped into Scott's apartment. He took Scott's face in his hands and kissed him. Scott's heart started to thunder in his chest and he felt a bit dizzy. He grabbed onto Will's jacket lapels and pulled him deeper into the apartment. Will kicked the door shut and stumbled further into the apartment; his lips not leaving Scott's once. Shirts were thrown to the floor and pants were kicked off as they made their way into Scott's bedroom.

* * *

Noah pushed Luke back to sitting; his heart pounding in ears.

"What's wrong?" A flushed Luke asked as he looked down at his equally flushed boyfriend.

"We need to stop. As much as I would love to flip you over and tear your pants off with my teeth, we need to stop. Slow down," Noah's hands rested on Luke's thighs. Luke nodded and carefully extracted himself from Noah. Noah rose up and propped his body up on his elbows. He looked over a dejected Luke. "Hey. Look at me," Noah said and then brush hair behind Luke's ear. Luke looked up and wore an expression of expectation on his face. "I love you. I always have, but I also want us to be completely healthy when we can finally have sex again," Noah leaned closer to Luke; he could feel Noah's sweet coffee breath on his cheek. "Because, I gotta tell ya, I will not be able to hold back, at all," Noah whispered into Luke's ear. He watched as Luke's cheeks flushed and a shy smile shined. Noah sat up farther and reached his hand out to Luke. Luke looked up at Noah, laughed lightly, and slipped his hand into Noah's. The brunette pulled and helped Luke to his feet. They walked back into the living room and returned to their coffee.

They had been in the living room for no more than two minutes when they both heard Scott's door slam shut. Their shared confused looks and went to the door. After a check out into the hall and saw no one, they sat down on the sofa and Luke cuddled into Noah's side. Noah curled his arm around Luke's shoulders and pulled him even closer. Luke let out a sigh and Noah rested his cheek on Luke's head. Both men sat quietly like until they heard a moan.

And it was coming from outside.

More accurately, it was coming from Scott's apartment. Luke looked up at Noah and Noah looked down at Luke. Louder moans quickly followed. The noises coming from the other apartment and the close proximity to each other was making the room really warm. The two men pulled away from each other and sat up on the sofa. Noah flipped on the TV and Luke picked up a magazine. The action coming from the other apartment continued to get louder. Luke and Noah shared a few side glances; each having a reaction from hearing Will and Scott having some fun. It was getting harder and harder (no pun intended), from them to sit there and hear them. Noah turned the volume up on the TV.

"AHHHH! HARDER! DON'T STOP! OH GOD!" Scott's voice traveled down the hall.

"Maybe we should…,""Do you wanna?" They said at the same time. They both nodded and grabbed their coats. They entered the hallway and made for the stairs.

They were lucky to get out of there with their clothes still on. They walked the neighborhood, had dinner at Mikey's, and casually made their way back to apartment. Regardless of the circumstances of their departure, they had a nice date out. They walked up onto Luke's floor and walked slowly to his door. They listened as they went; checking to see if the coast was clear. Maybe they were all wore out and the rest of the night would be free and clear.

They only hoped so. God knows that having to hear the duet from across the hall was making their medical induced abstinence even harder.


	32. Morning Light

The next morning, Luke rolled over and burrowed into Noah bare chest. It was a little after dawn and the room had a soft blue glow to it. Noah wrapped his arm around Luke and held him closer. The warmth between them cut out the chill. They had decided that it was safe to sleep in the same bed, as long as sleep bottoms stayed on. Noah's rule, not Luke's. Luke could not think about Noah sleeping even 10 yards away from him.

Luke was always caution to the wind. Seat of your pants kind of guy, but not Noah. He always followed the rules and listened to his elders. Luke was going crazy though. Their next doctor's appointments were not for two more weeks and he knew that Noah was gonna be a hold out for the entire two weeks. The sexual tension was thick and Luke hoped that he didn't drown in it.

On the other hand, Luke was grateful for what he was getting. After almost six months of nothing, he was so glad that they were back to a place where they were affectionate again. Noah had always been a loving man. Kiss on the cheek, long deep hugs, a little caress on the back when they left somewhere, hand holding that left fingers asleep; yeah Luke was lucky all right. But he wanted to be gettin' lucky!

Luke tilted his head up and looked straight into those deep blue eyes. A sleepy smile stretched across his face. Noah reached up and lightly brushed Luke's too long hair off his face. He let his finger softly graze down Luke cheek and under his chin. He pulled Luke's chin up and lightly grazed his lips across Luke's. The blonde could not help but moan into the kiss. This was how Noah liked to start the day; holding Luke and lightly kissing him. Sure, they could do deep passionate kisses, but there was something to be said for the light, soft ones that Noah liked to give Luke in the morning.

"Good morning," Noah said after a few more of those soft kisses.

"Good morning. How long have you been up?" Luke asked.

"Long enough to watch you sleep a bit."

"Really? If you were anyone else I'd think that was creepy Mayer."

"If I were anyone else, I would be pissed,"

"Huh?" Luke said pushing himself up onto his elbows. Noah fingers were lazily trailing up and down Luke's back.

"Well, number one; I would be pissed because you'd be in bed with someone else. And number two; if I were the someone else, I would be pissed because you would be thinking about how hot Noah Mayer is," Noah teased and Luke could not help but laugh.

"Just when I think you can't be any bigger of a dork, you prove me wrong," he said as a half smile showed.

"Oh, is that so?" Noah asked and before Luke could tease back, Noah dug his fingers into Luke's sides hitting every ticklish spot. Luke shouted in laughter and tried to pull away, but Noah's arms were now wrapped around him. Noah continued his assault and rolled Luke onto his back. Luke was now pinned under Noah and could not get away.

"Stop, stop, stop," Luke said breathlessly, but Noah was not about to relent. Luke used the only advantage that he had, he leaned up and caught Noah's mouth with his. The tickling stopped but then something else started. Noah braced himself on his forearms while Luke pulled Noah's body against his. Luke licked at Noah lower lip and Noah opened his mouth to allow Luke inside.

Luke was an amazing kisser; Noah did not have enough strength to fight against that.

Luke's legs wrapped around Noah's waist and pulled him even harder against him. Noah grunted into Luke's kiss as all the right places on his body hit all of his favorite places on Luke's. His body begun the familiar rhythm; rocking into Luke. Noah was almost on automatic; his brain gave in to his body's want of Luke. Luke broke the kiss as he threw hit head back against the pillow. Noah took advantage of exposed expanse of skin and latched onto Luke's shoulder. He nibbled and licked across Luke's shoulder and up his neck. Noah could see Luke straining to control himself. Both of them wanting it to last as long as they could, but they were reaching the point of no return and neither one was stopping. Noah slid a hand under Luke's shirt; signaling the other to take it off. Luke quickly obliged. Seeing the buffet underneath him, Noah's mouth continued to lick all along Luke's hot skin. He pulled Luke to him; his chest against Luke's. Their sweat mingling every time their bodies touched.

Luke's fingers dug into Noah's back and he begun to thrust into Noah; meeting his movements. It didn't take long for Luke to be pushed over the edge. He came and hard against Noah. His fingernails dug into Noah's shoulder blades as his back arched. Noah groaned in pleasure as the pressure of Luke's nails sent him over. Noah gave out a long moan and tried not to collapse on top of Luke. Both men were gasping for air and trying to pull themselves out of the foggy haze of this near perfect moment. Luke nudged Noah a bit and the taller man rolled to Luke's side.

"I..thought..you..said..no..sex..until..the..doctor..said so," Luke said between gasps.

"Well, can you blame me? Look at you," Noah answered back and gave his boyfriend another kiss. But this one wasn't like the one of the kisses they just shared. This one was more along the lines of, "I love you, but I really need to sleep now,"

And they did.

* * *

When Luke woke up it was a little after nine and Noah was not next to him. He felt dirty and slightly sticky from his and Noah's little romp. He stretched and pulled himself to sit up. His feet touched the carpet and he glanced around the room. He found his discarded t-shirt in a heap on the floor. He pulled it on and walked into the living room. Noah was on the couch; slipping his shoes on.

"Morning."

"Morning," Noah said as he looked up at Luke. Luke's hair was disheveled and eyes were barely open. Noah couldn't stop the smile that came across his face. Luke saw that smile and smiled back. Seeing Noah smile like that was like watching a sunrise. Every time was different, but unbelievably beautiful and took his breath away each time.

"Where are you going?" Luke asked as he stepped in front of Noah and ran his hand through the hair at the nape of Noah's neck. Noah rose to his feet and took Luke's face in his hands.

"There is no real food in this place. I'm going to go the market on the corner and get some stuff. I'll be back in about a half hour," Noah said then he leaned forward and gave Luke a long slow kiss. Noah pulled away and Luke stumbled a bit as he attempted to follow Noah's lips. Noah chuckled softly and walked toward the door.

"What am I going to do by myself?" Luke asked in a playful pout.

"Take a shower and I'll make breakfast when I get back."

Slipping on his coat, all Luke could do was watch as Noah stepped out into the hallway. He turned back to Luke, gave a quick kiss and whispered so quietly.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Luke shut the door and rested his forehead against it.

' _That man was going to be the death of me'_ Luke thought to himself as he went into the bathroom.

* * *

Luke showered quickly and decided to pay his neighbor a visit. He walked across the hall in his bare feet and knocked on the door. He heard hushed voices, people moving around, and at least one thing fell on the floor with a loud crash. Luke covered his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Scott door quickly opened and there stood Scott. He was wearing what looked like the throw from the back of his sofa. It was wrapped hastily around his waist and from what Luke could see, the rest of him was bare. Luke could see something reflecting light off his chest.

"You busy?" Luke asked.

"Oh, you know, just eating breakfast,"

"Oh, I see. You have company or do you always eat breakfast naked?"

"Hey Luke," said a voice from inside the apartment.

"Hey Will," Luke called back as he tried to lean into the apartment. If Scott was like this, he really wanted to see what Will was wearing. Scott pulled the door slightly to block Luke's view even more. Luke could not hide the grin that was fighting to come out. Luke raised his eyebrows and Scott rolled his eyes. "Is that syrup on your chest?" Luke asked, finally placing the smell.

"Well, ah, we are having pancakes and ah…," Scott was tap-dancing, trying to find an explanation that would make sense. Noah arrived at this time and came up behind Luke.

"What's going on? Oh, morning Scott,"

"Hey Noah," Scott said and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"Oh, next time you guys get a little ran-dy, you should turn on some music. You had us almost climbing the walls last night," Luke whispered and Scott's mouth dropped open in shock and then shut in embarrassment. Scott shut his eyes; trying to will away what was happening right now. Will decided now to make his presence known. He stepped behind Scott and wrapped one arm around his waist while the other went across Scott's chest. And from what Luke could see, Will was as naked as could be.

"You hungry?" Noah asked Luke; trying to pry his boyfriend from the wall of naked skin in front of them. It was hard enough to keep Luke's libido in check until they get the all clear. He did not need to put out this fire later. He wasn't sure he would have the strength to say no the next time.

"Yeah," he said as he looked over his shoulder at his boyfriend. He turned back to Scott and winked. "We'll see you guys later. Maybe we can have dinner?"

"Ah sure," Scott was able to get out as Will started to lick at the back of his neck. "See ya guys later," Scott said and quickly shut the door. Both of them laughed and walked back to Luke's. Luke had just opened the door when they heard Scott's door open. They turned around and saw Will poke his head out.

"Hey, Noah. Thanks, really," and then he went back inside. Noah nodded and turned to face his confused boyfriend.

"Thanks for what?"

"Do you want me to make you breakfast or not?"

"Depends on what you're making?" Luke said, again with the sexy innuendo.

Noah slapped Luke's ass and they went inside.

This was going to be a long two weeks.


	33. Connection

The next two weeks were filled with the same. Luke and Noah had blended back together. Noah didn't realize how many movies Luke swiped from his collection when he moved to Chicago until he was going through them one night after dinner. He even took "Lawrence of Arabia". Luke slept through it twice and on third time when he finally did make it to the end. Noah got a "meh" in response. When Noah asked Luke why he took a movie he didn't even like, Luke became embarrassed when he answered him.

"Really, Luke. Why did you take this one?" Noah asked as he held the DVD case in his hand. Luke crossed his arms and leaned heavily on one foot.

"Well, I ah, I would put it in when I was working on an assignment for the paper, and it, it was like you were here. I could pretend that you were just over there watching it while I worked. Plus I did like the music," Luke looked down at his feet.

"Score."

"Huh?" Luke asked.

"The music in a movie is called the Score."

"Oh," Luke said and Noah turned to put the DVD in. The score started and Noah turned down the living room lights. Noah reached a hand out and Luke shined with one of those shy smiles that always melted Noah.

"Watch it with me?" Noah asked and then Luke slipped his hand into Noah's. The gesture was so sweet and romantic, that Luke could not help but blush. Luke watched the entire movie and actually paid attention to it. Well, he did fall asleep a half hour from the end, but how can anyone blame him? He was leaning into Noah's side with a long arm wrapped around his shoulders. There was only so much he could do.

It was then that they decided that they would turn it into a regular thing. Noah would pick the movie as long as Luke would not make little jokes and comments. There were some hot make-out sessions on that really comfortable beige sofa while they watched some of Noah's old movies. Luke agreed to Noah picking the movie only to get heavy making-out. That sofa would never be the same again.

Noah was also glad that Luke's rent included utilities; with the length of the showers they had been taking lately. Luke said it was an attempt to save time and water. But in reality, the showers lasted twice as long and used gallons more water than if they went it solo. But then again there was also so much either boy could do. They had done nearly everything that two grown gay boys could do without going all the way.

* * *

Noah sat in the small exam room and waited for Dr. van Pelt to come in. His appointment was supposed to be at 10am, but with all the tests and waiting between tests it was nearly 1pm now. He was sneaking texts to Luke the entire time. Luke's appointment was later in the afternoon. Luke wanted to go with his boyfriend, but he would not hear of it. Luke had barely spent any time with Scott these past few weeks and this was a perfect chance for them to hang out.

* * *

Luke was sitting across from Scott at the coffee shop and was missing Noah like crazy. Since Noah's declaration in the gardens at the hospital a month ago, they were rarely out of each other's sight. And for the last two weeks, they were sleeping together. Just sleeping; well not just sleeping.

"So, what the hell happened with you and Will?" Luke asked; finally breaking the silence.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, I haven't seen you a couple weeks. But I have heard ya'," Luke said and then looked at Scott over the rim of his coffee cup as he took a sip.

"You're one to talk! You and Noah have been attached at the lip since you came home,"

"Which is why I asked you out for coffee. Noah and I had not been cleared for anything other than heavy petting, so I'm leaving vicariously through you. Noah is at the doctor getting a check-up and he insisted that we have coffee, to catch up,"

"You're right. We're friends and I wanted to tell someone about Will anyway," Scott's smile grew as he spoke. He was in full beaming mode now. Luke could not help but be so happy for his friend. He knew all along that he and Will would make a great couple. He was just glad that Scott finally took his advice.

"So, speak. And don't you dare leave anything out," Luke said as he settled in to his side of the booth they were sharing. Scott looked about him to be sure that there wasn't anyone around to overhear what he was about to tell Luke.

"Ok, here goes,"

* * *

Two Weeks Ago...

Scott was busy cleaning apartment. Will had left about an hour before and Luke just left. It felt good to tell someone about what happened between him and Will the night before. They did have that night together a couple years ago, but it was nothing compared to what happened last night. He had never felt like that before. He had never wanted someone so much. It meant so much more that Will was his best friend. They had a connection on another level that Scott had never felt before.

But wait.

Maybe that was why Will was in such a hurry to get out this morning. Maybe Scott had weirded him out. Will was never one to commit, why did Scott think that a fling with him would change things? All of this insecurities came rising to the surface.  Scott could feel his breakfast churning his stomach. What had he done? Scott got up from his sofa and started to pace slightly. He heard a loud slam and looked out into the hallway. It sounded like Luke's door. Seeing no one he shook it off and decided he needed to do something.

He walked into his bedroom and ripped the sheets off of his bed. He suddenly wanted all traces of last night gone and away. He stuffed the dirty sex sheets into the hamper and pulled clean sheets out of the cabinet in the bathroom. As he made his bed, he was picturing what he and Will had done last night. He didn't imagine the connection that he felt. There was no way that it was just sex for Will, god knows it wasn't for Scott.

He felt low. Very low. He had managed to throw away the best friendship that he had ever had.

What was he going to do now?

Scott was prepared to pull himself into his bed and curl under the covers, when he heard a knock on the door. 'If I ignore them, maybe they'll go away' he thought to himself. Hearing the knock again, he pulled himself to his feet and walked to his door. He opened the door and standing in the hall was Will. He was wearing Scott's favorite leather jacket; it cut across his shoulders just right. Scott smiled; he just couldn't hold it in.

Without saying anything, Will stepped into the apartment and took Scott's face in his hands. The next thing he felt was Will's soft mouth on his. Scott was shocked at first, but the shock quickly gave way to the uncontrollable need for Will to be naked. He grabbed onto the brunette's jacket and pulled him into the apartment. Will kicked the door shut and grabbed onto Scott's hips; pulling them together. Using his grip on Will's jacket as leverage, Scott pushed him against the front door and ground his body into Will. Will's groan was quickly swallowed by Scott as he slid his tongue along the roof of Will's mouth. Will could taste the mint from Scott's toothpaste and the tinge from his coffee. He suddenly wanted to taste more of him; all of him.

Shrugging off his jacket, Will dropped to his knees and pushed Scott's shirt up and out of the way; Scott finished the movement and threw the shirt across the room. He started to lick and kiss along Scott's stomach. Along the edge of Scott's jeans. Will continued to taste his skin as his hands started to undo his pants. Will looked up and locked eyes with Scott as he pulled Scott's jeans down. Scott caressed Will's cheek as the brunette continued what he started. He leaned forward and took all of him into his mouth.

Scott thought his knees were going to buckle. He braced his hands on the door and got lost in Will's mouth. Will's hot mouth enveloped him; he felt tingling all over his body. Scott's head rolled back and a loud moan came out of his chest. Will smiled as he continued to work Scott's body over. He wanted him quivering and begging for more. Will was slowly and softly dragging his fingernails up and down the backs of Scott's legs. Will could feel him shaking above him.

"AHHHH! HARDER! DON'T STOP! OH GOD!" Scott almost screamed as Will deep throated him. In the cyclone of pleasure that swirled around Scott, he suddenly had one coherent thought. 'He never did that two years ago,'

"AHHHH! I'M CUMMING!" was the next thought that Scott had. Scott's brain was on sensory overload and he wasn't even sure if he said those words out loud or just thought it. Will did not miss a beat. He continued to suck Scott, straight through his orgasm. Scott's body slumped against the door and his legs felt like jelly. Will rose from his knees and stood in the middle of Scott's outstretched arms. He had a sly, cat-that-ate-the-canary grin on his face. He was quite pleased with himself. He slipped his hand to the back of Scott's neck and pulled in for kiss. Scott could taste himself on Will tongue and the thought of that excited him all over again. Will slid his other hand to Scott's bare hip and directed him toward Scott's bedroom. Scott kicked off the rest of his clothes and followed a fully dressed Will down the hall.

Scott sat on the bed and pulled Will to him by his belt loop. Scott's green eyes found Will's brown ones and they didn't look away. Not when Scott started to undo Will's belt. Not when Will pulled his shirt off. Not when Scott made a long swath with tongue on the underside of Will's cock. Will grabbed a hold Scott's shoulder to keep his balance.

God. He had never wanted someone so much in his life.

Scott reached over to his nightstand and pulled out everything they would need. He pushed himself back on the bed and laid back against the pillows. Will followed right with him; his body hovering over Scott's. He draped his entire body on top of Scott, every part of his body touching every part of Scott's body. Scott's brain was still hazy from the amazing blow job, but he was coherent enough to feel Will rub his cock against him. Scott was getting harder by the second.

Before Scott's brain could manage to get his body to move, Will was inside him. Scott groaned at the stretching his body did around Will. Will's eyes closed and he savored the feel of Scott's hot insides. It was like they were made to do this. He slowly moved in and out of Scott, who wrapped his legs around Will's waist to bring him deeper. Everything else drained away. The room, the building, the city. It was just them and no one else.

* * *

Noah sat in the uncomfortable chair and his knee bounced as he waited. He was hoping for the best, but a small part of him was worried that the doctor would say that things were not right or they would need to wait to do more tests. Or, God forbid, one was fine while the other wasn't.

Noah felt odd to be concentrating on sex so much, but it was the last step that he and Luke had to take to cement that they were really back together. He and Luke had always been compatible in every aspect of their lives together; emotionally, intellectually, sexually. He loved Luke so much and the fact that they could come back to each other was a testament to that fact. Now he wanted to show Luke how much he missed him all these months. They had had fun these last few weeks, but Noah's mind kept drifting back to the first time they slept together. He had never felt so close to anyone in his life and it meant more that it was with the one person that he loved more than anyone else.

It wasn't until Luke was gone that he realized just how much he missed that kind of connection with someone. Everyone tried to help him feel better about things and himself, but that connection with Luke…nothing came close.

It also didn't help that Luke was sexy as hell and Noah was horny as hell. Seeing him around the apartment; he wanted to jump him constantly.

Dr. van Pelt came into the exam room and sat down across from Noah.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm good,"

"Ok, well your test results are back. It seems that your remaining kidney has picked up the slack for the other. Your blood work looks excellent as does your urine culture. I wish all of my procedures went this smoothly,"

"So, Luke and I can…," as soon as he said it, he could feel his cheeks redden. His fell to his feet. _He's going to think I'm a freak._

"Oh, well. I have to do Luke's exam, but yes. Everything looks good on your end," Dr. van Pelt knew pretty quickly what Noah was alluding to. He was use to it. Most of his transplant patients asked him the same question. It wasn't something that was mentioned in medical school, but it did not surprise him when he was asked.

Noah visibly relaxed. He stopped rubbing his hands together and a slight smile broke out across his face. The doctor gave him a pat on the shoulder and a small packet with directions to continue with his medications and make follow-up appointments.

* * *

Noah was outside the hospital and grabbing his cell phone as soon as he thought he could. It took two rings and Luke answered.

"Hello gorgeous." Luke said and Noah instantly smiled.

"Hi. What are you doing right now?"

"I'm in cab on my way to the hospital for my appointment. Where are you?"

"I'm just leaving the hospital after getting a clean bill of health."

"Aww, baby I am so glad. Are you still there?"

"No," Noah responded as he called his own cab. "I'm going to run some errands and meet you at home. Is that all right?"

"Yeah, just be careful. I love you." Luke said as the cab came to a stop in front of the hospital.

"I love you too." Noah answered as he cab pulled from the curb. Both men hung up their phones and each felt a bit lighter.

Noah had made all of his required stops. He stopped at Luke's favorite Chinese food place and ordered food for delivery later. He grabbed some of Luke's favorite snacks at the corner market. Noah even stopped Walgreens and got Luke favorite bubble bath and lotion. He wasn't sure what the night would hold but he wanted to be prepared. Noah had told Luke over and over again that he loved him and that he was sorry for pushing him away, but tonight he was going to show him.

* * *

Luke opened the apartment door and was immediately hint with of vanilla. He pushed the door open and saw that the room was full of nearly two dozen candles. They were long tapers, short votives and even some were floating in small bowls. They cast a warm glow on the entire room. Luke breath caught in his chest. There was Chinese food sitting on the coffee table and apple cider in a bucket on the floor. Noah had pushed back the furniture in the room and every pillow in the entire apartment were on the floor along with a few blankets. He even had a fire burning in the fireplace.

Luke shut the door and stood still in shock.

"Hey." Noah said as he came down the hall.

"Hey." a smile instantly went across his face when he saw Noah. He was wearing his sleep clothes and he was bare foot. "What's all this?" Luke asked as he took his messenger bag and dropped it by the door.

Noah came up to Luke and took his hands in his.

"This is an apology," he said as he looked down at their joined hands. Noah tightened his grip slightly. Luke got a little worried.

"An apology for what?"

"For the past six months," Noah looked back at Luke and he could see tears in Noah's eyes wanting to fall.

"Baby, what are you talking about? We went over all this," he lightly caressed Noah cheek; he could feel Noah's chin quiver slightly.

"I know, I know, but I haven't been able to show you. I mean really show you. I love you so much Luke. I never stopped. I know I made it really hard to love me for the three months before you left, but I wanted you to know that I never stopped loving you. I may have doubted a lot of things, but my love for you was never one of them. I got the all clear from the doctor this morning and all I wanted to do was show you how much I am so in love with you," Luke stepped forward and lightly kissed Noah.

"How did I get so lucky?" Luke asked; his voice was so quiet and in pure awe of the tall brunette in front of him.

"When you figure it out, tell me how _**I**_ got so lucky,"


	34. Indulgent

"Now, you go and change into your sleep clothes and meet me back in ten minutes."

"What else are you planning?"

"It's a surprise. Now go," Noah said as he playfully pushed Luke towards his bathroom door. Luke walked inside and looked at himself in the mirror. He was smiling; smiling like he had never before. But how could he not? He had the most amazing man waiting for him the living room. He wanted to know what he had done in a past life to earn a guy like Noah, because he was more than willing to do it again. He knew that they still some issues to work through, but they could wait for now. Now it was just about him and Noah and the _**outrageous**_ picnic he had created in his living room.

Luke changed out of his clothes into a pair of gray jogging pants and a black tank-top hanging in the bathroom. He quickly brushed his teeth, put on some body spray, and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew it was silly, but he wanted to look good for Noah. He knew that Noah would not care what he looked like, but it made him feel good to have the brunette look at him that way. To look at him like he was the only thing in the world that he wanted and needed. He heard music start to play as he opened the bathroom door. He walked down the hall and watched Noah fussing about the room.

He was moving pillows around and checking that everything was in the right place. He stopped when Luke came into the room. There was that look that Luke was thinking about when he was getting ready. That look of awe that Noah liked to give him. Luke wondered if Noah knew that he had that look. He decided to wait to ask him.

"Hi," Luke said as he stopped right in front of Noah.

"Hi," Noah answered back and gave Luke a 1000-watt smile. The song playing changed and Noah slipped his hand into Luke's. "Dance with me?"

"Sure."

Noah tightened his grip on Luke's hand and slipped his other hand to the small of Luke's back. Luke slid his hand up Noah's back and lightly played with the hair at the nape of Noah's neck. Their bodies came together and they slowly rocked to the music. Noah was so glad that Luke had decided to wear the clothes that he hung up in the bathroom. He was hoping he would, but he was so glad that he did. Growing up he could never understand how some of his friends could get so worked into a lather over what girls would wear. Barely-there skirts and low-cut tops were what got their motors running. It wasn't until he met Luke that he finally understood it. Where the glimpse of a bare arm or exposed back had him wanting to lick all of Luke's skin.

"Does this sound familiar?" Noah asked.

"Ahh, I don't know. I like it." Luke said straining to hear the song on the stereo, but he couldn't quite place it.

"You don't remember do you? This was playing in Metro when he danced on New Year's Eve," Noah said; quite proud of himself that he remembered and Luke didn't. Luke hand left Noah and joined the other behind Noah's neck. Noah held onto Luke's lower back and brought their bodies even closer together. As Leona Lewis' version of Run played throughout the apartment, Luke laid his head on Noah's shoulder. Noah buried his nose in Luke's neck and took a long breath. Luke's scent. Noah knew that if he could bottle it; he'd make a mint. They didn't say anything they just danced. They finally finished their interrupted dance.

The song changed to another and Noah straightened up. Luke leaned back slightly and looked up at his boyfriend. Luke was at such peace right now. All stress and tension that had been building on top of him for the last six months was slowing draining away. He had felt much better about him and Noah since they really started to talk, but there was still that lingering doubt. That fear that something or someone come between them again. It seemed that whenever things were good and there was clear sailing, something would fall on them and ruin everything.

It happened over and over again.

Luke's illness.

Noah's accident.

Mason Jarvis.

Brian Wheatley.

Ameera Aziz.

Colonel Mayer. More than once.

Each time they pulled themselves for the ashes and started again. Until this exact moment, Luke had sinking feeling that something was going to do it again. But right now he knew that he and Noah would make it. They were always supposed to be together.

"What are you thinking right now? I want to know what made you smile like that," Noah said playfully. Luke bowed his head to hide his flushed cheeks. Noah always did this to him. A look or a sweet word was all it took for Luke to turn into a 15 year old girl.

"I was thinking that…I'm hungry. What did you get us?" Luke asked.

"I don't think that was what you were thinking, but I'll let it go. For now," Noah said as he stepped back while still holding Luke's hand. He kneeled on the floor and Luke followed him. Noah sat cross legged next to the coffee table when Luke sat on his knees facing him. Noah was so proud of the spread he laid out and he wanted to spoil Luke for a little while.

"I got all of your favorites. We have sweet and spicy pork; shrimp spring rolls; ginger noodles; and cream cheese wontons. We also have sparkling apple cider chilling right over there," Luke just stared at his boyfriend while Noah showed all that he had done for them tonight.

And Luke couldn't resist anymore.

He leaned forward and captured Noah's mouth mid-word. Noah hand went to Luke's cheek and held him where he was. The kiss started out a simple one, but quickly grew more desperate. Luke rose to his knees and Noah followed with his lips. Noah put his hands on Luke's waist and pushed slightly to extract himself from one of their hotter kisses.

"What?" Luke questioned.

"Nothing. That kiss top five easy, but I want to spoil you a little. I'm making up for six months of not being there for you. You were there for me every day and I didn't see that," Noah said and then he realized how that came out. "You know what I mean. I want to pamper you a little before we get to the other stuff. Let me put you first for tonight," Noah knew that he was laying it on a little think, but maybe that was only way he would see what tonight was about. Luke finally relented.

"Ok, I'll try not to rush things, I promise," Luke said and Noah nodded almost in triumph.

They dug into the food and just enjoyed a quiet dinner. They talked about nothing specific. Luke had a new idea for the foundation and Noah had a new script. It was nice just being together. For an hour they were able to just be them, there was no doctors, or Snyders, no anything.

Just Luke and Noah.

Noah started to clean up the spread, but Luke would not hear of it. Luke insisted he help. Noah went through all the planning, Luke could at least help put the food away. Noah was putting the leftovers in the fridge and Luke came up behind him. He slid his hands under Noah's shirt and across his stomach. Luke let out a slow, hot breath that glided over the back of his neck. Noah shuddered as that one breath worked its magic. Luke followed that breath with a couple slow kisses. Noah's hands found Luke's thighs and pulled his body closer; Luke's chest flush against Noah's back. Luke's hands kept moving the entire time. First he ran his fingertips across his abs. He let them lightly play with the waistband of his pants. Brushed the hair just under his bellybutton, but not going lower; at least not yet. Noah's breath hitched at the teasing there. Luke smiled into the kisses that he was giving Noah. He loved it when had this affect on him; sometimes Noah was just too easy.

Luke hands then moved up to Noah's already hard nipples. He softly brushed the hard nubs with his fingers. Noah's was trying to keep his mind in check, but Luke was making it really hard; in more ways than one.

"Luke, if you keep doing that, this will be over way too soon," Noah managed to get out. Luke hands slid back down to Noah stomach. Noah turned in Luke arms and took Luke face in his hands. His lips took Luke's lower lip in and he sucked on it lightly. Luke moaned into his kiss as Noah directed them back to the living room. The music was still playing; slow and sexy. Noah kneeled back onto the pillows and blankets while not breaking their kiss. Luke came right with him and straddled Noah's thighs, the kiss never stopped. Noah pulled Luke's pelvis to him and Luke groaned in response. Noah loved the reactions he was always able to get out of him. He pulled away and looked at a sexed up Luke. His lids were heavy and his lips were red and swollen. His mouth hung open slightly while he gasped for air. Noah's hands moved under Luke's tank-top and pulled it off. He wrapped his arm around Luke's back and cradled his head with the other as he lowered him onto the blankets and pillows; their bodies flush against each other.

Luke felt so safe and protected right now. Noah always made him feel safe, but he was being so gentle with him tonight; as if he was made of glass. Noah brushed Luke's hair away from his face and let his fingers linger down his cheek.

"You are so beautiful, do you know that?" Noah said so quietly that Luke almost didn't hear him. If he had not been so close, he won't have. Luke was suddenly embarrassed. He turned his head to look away, but Noah pulled his gaze back. "No, don't do that. I think you're beautiful. I always have and I have always been surprised that you don't believe me,"

"That makes two of us," was all Luke was able to get out. His body wanted to cry, but he bit that back and lightly kissed Noah. Luke's hands rested on Noah's waist while the brunette's body nestled between his thighs. Noah lightly rocked his body into Luke, who gasped at the electrifying connection. Luke tugged at Noah's shirt and pulled it off his body. He wanted to feel Noah's skin against his. Luke could feel Noah's temperature rising under his hands. That thought made me a little confident in what they were doing. But he was still nervous.

They hadn't been together for so long, that it was like their first time all over again.

Noah's mouth on his neck was the next thing he felt. He moved down Luke's body, peppering light kisses with each nibble and lick. Noah wanted to taste every bit of Luke's gorgeous skin. He had been blessed with intoxicating combination of velvet smoothness and creamy softness that Noah knew positively and without one doubt that he never wanted to touch another man's skin for the rest of his days. He arrived at Luke's pants and looked up at the blonde. Luke had been watching every move that Noah was making and it was driving slowly insane. Noah said he wanted to spoil Luke and he was not kidding.

Noah pulled on the pants and they effortlessly came away from Luke's body; bringing his underwear with them. Luke was now naked in front of his very patient boyfriend and a slight blush came over his cheeks. Noah smiled at him; he was so cute right now. They had slept together how many times and he was shy right now. Noah pushed himself up to his knees and moved back. Luke's brow furrowed for a moment and then Noah moved lower on Luke. He took Luke's hard dick into his mouth and Luke's back arched in pleasure. He moved very slowly up and down on Luke; he wanted it last. He wanted to show Luke just important he was to him.

"Oh God, Noah," Luke was able to actually form words; his voice came out all breathy. Noah almost laughed; Luke's bedroom voice. He continued pleasuring Luke; taking long slow tugs on his cock. Luke felt like the top of his head was going blow clear off. He wished Noah would hurry; he wanted to touch him too. Luke's hand rested on the back of Noah's head; spurring him on. He had wanted to be this close to Noah for so long he was afraid to close his eyes; afraid that it might be a dream. He couldn't wait anymore. He pulled on Noah arm and back up to his mouth. Noah nearly fell on top of Luke, but the sexy blonde caught him. Their lips met in a desperate kiss. Noah wanted to go slow, but Luke just wanted Noah. Luke curled his feet around Noah's thighs and pulled his pants down with a little assistance from Noah. Both men were now naked and wrapped in each other.

"Make love to me Noah," there was that bedroom voice again.

Noah pulled away slightly and grabbed a small paper bag he had hidden by the sofa. He didn't want to be presumptuous in having things at the ready. Luke propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Noah slid a condom on, applied a little lube, and resume his position between Luke's thighs. This was Noah's favorite position. He was so close to Luke and he loved to look into his eyes while he moved in and out of him. Luke was chewing on his bottom lip; he was nervous.

"Luke we don't have to do this,"

"I want to. I want you. And I love that you are worried about me right now," Luke said and then took Noah's face in his hands; bringing his mouth to Luke's. Noah continued to lick at Luke's mouth as he entered him. Luke pulled him mouth away and threw his head back against the pillows. It had been a while; it hurt at first, but the closeness he felt so outweighed any kind of pain he was feeling.

Noah slowly pulled out and moved back in. Luke moved with Noah, meeting his thrusts. Luke felt like every nerve in his body was on fire. Sweat was building where their bodies met. Noah was sure that every other time that they were together never felt as good as this did. Luke was meeting Noah, but the brunette never sped up. He was moving at an even rhythm that was driving Luke crazy. Noah wanted to last long as he could. He had wanted Luke for so long; he never wanted this to end.

But eventually it had to.

Luke pulled Noah's mouth to his and kissed him hard as he neared his own ending.

"I'm gonna cum. Don't stop. Cum with me," Luke said into the kiss. Noah could only nod as a response and he let go.

Both men came. Noah inside Luke and Luke between their sweaty bodies.

Noah nearly collapsed on top of Luke; his forearms saving Luke's body. Luke held tight to Noah; not wanting any part of this to end. Noah pulled out of Luke; leaving empty but every satisfied. Noah disposed of the condom and laid to the side of Luke. Luke turned to face Noah. He looked at his sleepy boyfriend and suddenly felt the entire world was frozen.

It was just them.

Drifting off to sleep surround by a sea of candles.


	35. 15 Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit risque.  
> Blushing is totally allowed. ;p

"If you would just lie still it wouldn't feel awkward."

"You try telling me that when you have gooey stuff all over you."  Luke answered back a bit annoyed.

"The woman at the store said that this "stuff" is top of the line,"

Noah had to push Luke back down onto his stomach. Noah had finally convinced Luke to let him give him a massage. Luke thought it was silly, when they could just have sex instead. Luke has had sex on the brain since the doctor gave him the all clear earlier that day. He could not wait to get home to Noah. But when he walked into the romance novel that was formerly known as his apartment, things changed. He still wanted to just have sex with Noah, but he wanted to also let Noah enjoy spoiling him. Being spoiled like this was a new thing for Luke. Sure he was given more opportunities than most, but he always put others first. And to have someone devoting all of their attention to just him…now that was different. Luke was having a hard time letting his partner just pamper him.

"Ok! How about this? I am going to set the timer on my phone. When it goes off, you can decide what we do. Deal?" Noah suggested; trying to get back at the task at hand.

"How long?"

"15 minutes," Noah said as Luke looked back over his shoulder. Noah was sitting with his feet tucked him, a little behind Luke. Both of them were still naked. The candles were still burning as was the fire in the fireplace. It had been about two hours since Luke got home and the music was still playing. If the music was any indication, Noah had been planning this for a long time; he hadn't heard the same song twice yet.

"Ok, after 15 minutes we stop and I get to decide what we do," Luke's eyebrows arched as he agreed. Noah laughed and nodded his head in agreement. Noah found his phone among his discarded clothes and showed it to Luke. Luke laid back on his stomach and waited for Noah to continue. Noah put his cell aside and picked up the massage oil he bought. When he walked into the adult store, he almost walked right back out. The looks he was getting from some the male and female patrons made his ears red. He started to look at the tamer sections of the store. When he saw a sign that said " ** _Cupid Toy Chest_** ", he figured he'd stay out there; at least on this trip. Noah finally got the nerve to ask a very tall, very blonde woman, but was sure she was once a man, for help. He…er…she gave him some good advice and he settled of an oil that smelled like vanilla and strawberries; Luke just wasn't a jasmine or lilac kind of guy. The clerk even told him that it was lickable. Honestly, why would he want to eat it? Well, as soon as he put it on Luke's skin, he understood why.

He poured a bit more oil on his back and slid his hands over Luke skin. Noah could feel Luke relaxing under his touch. His back muscles loosened and a faint moan came out of him. The oil was warming under Noah hands and Luke's breathing slowed. Noah's hands moved up to Luke's shoulders and kneaded the muscles there. Another groan came out of Luke when Noah managed to get a knot out of his shoulder. Luke was breathing real deep and real slow, letting all the tension out. Seeing Luke's muscles moving and reacting to his touch was one of the most erotic things Noah had ever seen.

Luke felt kind of silly just laying there while Noah rubbed the oil into his skin. Don't misunderstand; Luke loved it when Noah touched him. Sometimes just Noah touching him was enough to send him over the edge. Luke felt so exposed; even more than when they actually had sex. Noah was seeing every part him. The mole just below his left shoulder blade; the small mark from the tattoo he was going to get during a bender with Kevin, but he chickened out at the last minute; and of course his scars. There were two scars on his lower back. One from the kidney he got during his teen years and of course the one from Noah's kidney.

Noah lightly traced his fingers on the nearly healed cut. To think, this little scar was the only evidence that Luke had been sick at all. Evidence that Luke nearly died and he would have if Noah hadn't made the sacrifice. This realization made Noah tear up just a bit. He nearly lost the love of his life. Noah leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips against the newer scar. He softly kissed the length of it. Luke could feel Noah's breaths on his back and he knew what he was doing. Noah's attention to the reminder of the operation made Luke want to cry. Luke buried his head in the pillow as he felt Noah's lips against his skin; he let out a shuddering breath.

Noah continued to kiss up Luke's spine. Even though they were lying in front of a roaring fire, Luke felt goosebumps all over his body. Noah closed his eyes and just felt. He felt Luke breathing under his lips. He felt the warmth from the fire and Luke's body under him as he moved up to Luke's shoulders. He was balanced over Luke with only his mouth touching Luke, an arm on each side of Luke's prone body. He could feel Luke relax more into the pillows below them. Noah made a quick glance at his phone; Luke had been lying still for nearly 20 minutes now. He knew if he could distract him long enough for him to finally give in and let him do the pampering.

Noah kissed the back of Luke's neck and around to his ear. Noah sucked Luke's earlobe into his mouth and flicked his tongue along the edge. Luke groaned against the pillows; he could feel himself getting harder by the second. Noah let go of Luke earlobe and placed his mouth right next to Luke cheek.

"I want you inside me Luke," Noah said in a hot breathy voice. It took Luke a moment to fully realize what Noah requested. Luke propped himself up and looked over his shoulder at Noah. Noah was biting on his lower lip with a look of trepidation. Luke was excited to say the least, he'd do whatever Noah wanted at this point, but he wanted to be sure that Noah was sure. He turned around and sat up with his knees just touching Noah's.

"Are you sure? We've only done that a couple times," Luke wanted to be sure that Noah wasn't feeling pressured into this. Luke knew that this night was supposed to be about him. What he didn't want was for Noah to just be doing this because he thought that Luke wanted it.

"I want you Luke. It's that simple,"

Luke leaned forward and captured Noah's lips. He held Noah face in his hands and lightly rubbed his thumbs on the man's cheekbones. He knew how much this little gesture made Noah tingle all over. Both men rose to their knees and brought their bodies together. Noah moaned as his cock rubbed against Luke's hip. His adrenaline was flowing and his heart was racing while Luke licked along his teeth. He always thought that Luke had a thing for his "vampire teeth". Luke pulled away and kissed along Noah's jaw. Noah's head rolled back as Luke's hot lips sucked at the veins in Noah's neck. He nibbled and sucked at muscle that connected Noah's neck to his shoulder.

"Ahhhhh, Luke," Noah breathed out. It was all his brain was able to say. All of his pistons were firing and sweat was starting to bead on his back.

Luke kissed up to Noah ear and softly whispered, "Lay on your stomach."

Noah slowly nodded and laid out next to Luke on his stomach on the bed of pillows. Luke took a bit of the oil and lightly rubbed up and down Noah's back. He ran his hands over Noah's board back and solid ribs. His brain flashed back to the night in the kitchen when Noah was standing there in those blue shorts. He never told Noah that after that night, Luke hid those shorts in his room. He just couldn't see Aaron in them after that night. Luke continued to rub his hands over Noah's back; left over right, right over left. Noah was almost purring when Luke kneaded deeply into his shoulders. Luke's hands slid across Noah's slick skin and his mouth lightly kissed where his hands had been. His mouth trailed down his spine while hands reached for the oil by his knees. He kept Noah distracted while he put oil on his fingers. He slipped a finger inside Noah and he felt him tense up at the intrusion. He felt Noah relax under him and he slowly moved his finger in and out of Noah.

Luke felt Noah bucking back on his fingers as he pushed two and then three into him. Noah was digging his fingers into the pillows under his chest. His eyes were rolling back into his head. He and Luke had only done this a few times, but each time he wondered why they didn't do it more often. The euphoria that was flowing made it seem like Noah was moving through fog. He didn't know what was up or down.

Luke took this as time for him to make the next move. Noah was boneless as he pulled his fingers out of Noah. Noah moaned slightly at the loss of Luke from his body. Luke slipped a condom on and crawled above Noah's back. He lined himself up and slid inside of Noah. Noah back arched and his head rolled back. Luke paused a moment inside of him; relishing in the warmth of Noah wrapped around him. He laid down on top of Noah; his chest flush to Noah's back. Luke withdrew slowly and rocked back into his boyfriend.

"OH GOD!" Noah nearly screamed while Luke moved into him. Luke latched into that beloved shoulder right muscle and sucked in it; picking up the pace. Noah rubbed his hard cock against the blankets beneath him. Wanting release but not. Noah craned his neck and rested his forehead against Luke's temple. Luke strained forward and latched onto Noah's mouth. Both men groaning into their kiss. Luke pulled away as a wave of pleasure rocked through his body. He rested his forehead between Noah's shoulder blades while he moved deeper into Noah. Their bodies were crashing into each other; both needing release. Luke could feel that Noah was so close so he picked up the pace; wanting both them to come at the same time.

"OH LUKE! OH GOD! CUM IN ME!" Noah yelled; his knuckles white from the fists he was making in the blankets under him. Noah screaming his name was that it took. Luke shot into the condom and collapsed on top of Noah. At the moment Luke came, Noah came into blankets underneath him. Both men laid where they came; Noah on his stomach and Luke on Noah's back. They both gasped for air as they came down from their high.

Luke pulled out of Noah and got rid of the condom. Noah rolled onto his side and felt like his bones were liquefying. Luke looked at a sleepy Noah as he pulled another blanket over them. He never thought he could love Noah more than before, but this night he was glad to be proven wrong. He laid across Noah's chest and felt Noah pull him closer to him. Luke brushed his fingertips across Noah's chest as heard his heart slowing. Noah pulled Luke closer to him; wanting him as close as possible.

"I love you," Noah whispered as he pressed his lips into Luke's hair.

"I love you too. Thank you for tonight,"

"You deserved this after everything. I'm just sorry that I wasn't there for you,"

"Hey. Don't do that anymore. We are not going to do that anymore. After tonight we won't apologize for what happened. Deal?" Luke asked as he looked up at Noah.

"Deal," Noah answered as he pressed his lips to Luke's. Luke caressed Noah's cheek and moaned into his lips.

"Never did set your timer did you?" Luke asked as he yawned.

"You caught me," Noah answered then they both laughed while the moved closer together.

They lay in front of the fire for another forty-five minutes; both of them dozing off while they fought to stay awake. Noah had wanted to talk to Luke about something for a while, but he was worried to bring it up. But he figured now was the best time.

"Luke?"

"Hmm?"

"I, ah, want to talk to you about something,"

"What?"

"I um, I watched the movie,"

"What movie?"

"My movie,"


	36. Inspiration

Luke sat up slightly and looked up into Noah's eyes. Noah's arm was still wrapped around Luke's shoulders. Luke knew that eventually Noah would want to talk about his movie. They had not talked about it since that awful Christmas Eve. As much as he wanted to bask in the afterglow, perhaps this was the best time. He was ready for the yelling and the accusations.

"So, you watched it."

"Yeah I did."

Luke sat up and turned to face him. He was ready, well almost ready. He grabbed a pillow from the mound behind him and covered his nakedness a bit. If he going to be yelled at he didn't want his cock hanging out.

"Well, what did you think?" Luke bit his lip, almost like he was waiting for an impact or when you know something bad is about to happen.

"Well, I watched the whole thing and it was…,"

Luke felt like the whole world was going in slow motion; like everything was standing still. His brain started filling in endings to that sentence, such as, "all right"; "fine"; "not bad"; "what the hell were you thinking?".

"perfect,"

"It was what?" Luke asked in complete disbelief. Noah saw he eyes shoot wide open and he did double-take. He wasn't even sure that people really do those.

"It was perfect. I mean I had the whole ending planned out and you followed my directions to the letter. But that last scene," Noah paused as he moved closer to Luke. "The way you were able to get the light to shine off of Mary's face and that close-up you threw in at the very end, they added so much to ending, so much better than I could have thought of. I have wanted to thank you since I watched it."

Luke was stunned. That was not the reaction he was expecting. And he told Noah so.

"That was not the reaction I was expecting. After the whole thing at Christmas, I was sure that you would hate me for a long time," Luke looked down at his hands, now mingling in his lap.

"I'm sorry I got so angry."

"You had ever right to be," Luke tried to reassure Noah.

"Well, you're right," Noah said and they both laughed. "But it took all of this for me to get over it," he gestured between them to accentuate his point.

"I need to tell you something. The reason I wanted to finish it," he paused to focus his train of thought, "was because I felt like the accident was my fault. I wanted to let you know that no matter what I was always going to be there to help you. You thought that you would never be able to finish your film and I wanted to give it to you. I mean you wanted me to destroy your copy. I wanted you have something to hope for, a goal,"

"I had more than my movie to hope for," Noah said as he caressed Luke cheek; Noah saw Luke cheeks flush a bit. "I will have a lot of movies after this, but there is only one you. I feel awful that I was willing to destroy what we have over a movie. And now that I see how good it turned out, I feel worse," Noah throat closed up as he said the words out loud.

"Hey," Luke said as he took Noah's face in his hands. He brushed the tears that started to fall with a few light flicks of his thumbs. "I'm sorry that I didn't ask you first. I should have and we could have done it together. Just make sure I get included in the special thanks in the credits," Luke winked and Noah laughed as he tried to lighten the mood. They had had an amazing night and he did not want to end this way. "How about this? We admit that we both screwed up," Noah nodded in agreement, "and we didn't talk to each other enough," Noah nodded again in agreement. "But we are going to move forward, from this point on."

"That sounds perfect," Noah said after he let out a long sigh.

"I love you," Luke whispered.

"And I love you too," Noah whispered right back. Luke pulled Noah to him and softly brushed his lips across the man in front of him. They rose to their knees and closed the distance between them. Their bodies were touching from knee to chest; their skin getting warmer and warmer. Noah moaned into the kiss as he grabbed Luke's bare hips and pulled the blonde even closer to him. Luke let out a deep groan as their bodies ground together. Luke continued moving forward and was now lying on top of Noah, nestled between his thighs. Luke pulled away slightly when he needed air.

"So, are you ready for round three?" Luke asked as he raised his eyebrows.

"You've always wanted to say that haven't you?" Noah asked as a smile crept across his face.

"Yeah, a little bit," Luke laughed into his next kiss and Noah rolled Luke onto his back. Noah's hands moved all over Luke's body, while Luke continued to explore Noah's mouth with his tongue.

Round three turned into four and five before they both fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning Luke rolled over to find an empty spot where Noah had been sleeping. It took a few moments before his sleepy brain was functioning on all cylinders. The fire had turned to ashes many hours before. The candles were nothing but burned down wicks in puddles of wax. The early morning sun was just beginning to creep through the drawn blinds. Luke pulled the blanket, which had been draped over him, around his waist and went in search of his sexy boyfriend. He wasn't in the kitchen; the bedroom was empty as was the bathroom. The apartment wasn't that big, where did he go? He was about to call his cell when he was a note sitting on the island.

_Gone for a run. Be back later._

_I love you, Noah._

_Go back to bed!_

Luke smiled to himself and decided to get cleaned up.

He sat at his laptop after a quick shower and opened his word processer. His boss had given him time to recover from his surgery and had even allowed him to work from home for a little while after, but Luke hated getting any kind of special treatment; despite what some thought. He stared at the blanket document and thought about what he could write about.

It wasn't until he saw Noah's note sitting next to his laptop that he got a flood of inspiration. He sat up straighter and begun typing. He was 700 words in when Noah came in. He was wearing a pair of grey jogging sweats, a black tank top and his ear buds were still tucked in. He smiled when Luke looked up at him. His sweaty hair was stuck to his forehead and his tank clung to his chest and stomach.

"Hey!" Luke said with a very cheerful voice.

"Hey beautiful," Noah responded. Luke's eyebrows rose slightly when he heard Noah's endearment. "What?" He asked as he walked closer to Luke as he sat at the island. He stood next to Luke and looked down at his blonde boyfriend.

"Nothing. I'm starting to like this new open Noah," Luke smiled and kissed Noah. He then pulled back and revolted. "Ugh! You, shower now," Luke said as he pushed a very sweaty Noah away. Noah laughed out loud and grabbed Luke around the shoulders.

"I thought you liked me sweaty?" He asked as he fought against Luke's pushing; laughing the whole time.

"Stop it! There is a big difference between sex sweat and this kind. Go! I'm working," Noah finally admitted defeat and headed for the bathroom. He looked back at Luke as he hunched over his laptop and all he heard as he closed the door was the sound of keys clicking.

Noah came out of the bathroom about a half hour later and Luke was still tapping away at his keys. He stepped behind Luke and buried his nose into the hair at the nape of his neck. Luke giggled and squirmed away to face Noah. Luke spun around on the stool and looked up at Noah. Noah took one step closer and stood between Luke's knees. He took Luke's face in his hands and lightly kissed him.

"So, what are you writing? I haven't seen you type like that in a long time,"

"It's just…no, I'll be honest. I'm writing about us,"

"Huh?"

"Yeah. I was just going to be writing an article about my surgery for the paper, but I couldn't stop. I'm up to where we met," Luke was so excited. He hadn't been this excited about his writing since they were interns at WOAK. Noah could see the enthusiasm in his eyes. It was almost as if his eyes were glowing a lighter shade of the chocolate brown he fell for. There was the man that he fell in love with. As apprehensive as Noah was about everyone knowing about his life with Luke, he could not deny Luke this. Maybe this will help Luke get his passion back; that passion that wowed Noah when they were fresh out of high school. When he used to watch Luke talk about their intern project and he would get this look in eye; Noah was seeing that look again. "You are ok with this, aren't you?"

"Luke," Noah started.

"I should have asked you first," Luke heart dropped and he tried not show how disappointed he was. Luke turned away, but Noah held him in place.

"Wait. I won't lie and tell you that I love the idea of people knowing everything about us, but seeing the look on your face and how excited you are about it; I'm ok with it," Noah finally spit out and Luke nearly jumped off the bar stool.

He hadn't had this much inspiration for anything since he and Noah worked for WOAK and then with the foundation. He would admit that he had been floundering since he was expelled, but now he had drive. He felt alive and could not wait to get back to his keyboard. He pulled on Noah shirt and brought their mouths together. Noah moaned into Luke's lips while his boyfriend slid his hands under Noah's shirt. Noah's hand cupped the back of Luke head while he leaned Luke back against the counter; using his other hand to brace them

"If its ok, I would like to read it first, before you do anything with it," Noah asked after he pulled back for air. He was worried that Luke would not like his one condition. It wasn't that he was pulling away or hiding his feelings. He just wasn't sure about how much of his relationship with his father he wanted people to know. He wouldn't censor Luke, but maybe help edit. It was about him too and he wanted some say; even if it was just a little.

"I think that's fair. I mean this will be about you too," Luke said with a sweet smile. Noah felt the hairs stand up on his neck. He gently brushed his thumb across Luke's soft smile and he saw Luke's cheek flush slightly. Noah laughed lightly and pulled Luke's lips back where they belonged.

Where Luke and Noah have always belonged.

To Each Other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fluff I know. But its mean to be romantic and romance is fluffy.


	37. Looking Back

Noah lightly walked around in the den at his house, well his and Luke's house. They had lived here for nearly ten years now and he still marveled in that it was their house. It was about 8 in the morning and Luke was still asleep, but who could blame him. He was the one who usually got up when Lucy would wake up in the middle of the night. Noah preferred the early morning shift. He'd get up with the baby and Luke would get to sleep in. Noah held their infant in his arms and walked her around the room. She was finishing up her first bottle of the day and lightly cooing as she did so. He could fall sleep to the sounds she made.

He shifted her to his chest and lightly rubbed her back; all while still walking back forth in the office. After she finally burped, which made me laugh each time, he continued to hold her close to him. She fussed just a bit and then started to drift off to sleep. This was what he always wanted. He just didn't know it.

When Luke brought up the idea that they should adopt. Noah was not sure. He didn't exactly have the best model for parenting growing up. His dad was still in Statesville Prison, but he had recently been moved to the medical wing permanently. The cancer had spread to his bones and the doctors told him that his time was short. Noah felt some guilt over how things turned out, but his father had not made an attempt to contact him since the day he was sentenced eight years ago. Attempting to murder a police officer was enough to get him put away for the rest of his life. Noah once asked Luke why he didn't press the DA to reinstate charges for his shooting several years before that. He was still haunted by that awful camping trip.

"He's already in prison. Me pressing charges will not do anything else. He will never be able to hurt anyone ever again. That's enough for me," and then he kissed Noah's temple. He always did that when he wanted to calm Noah and it worked every time. Deep down Noah knew the reason was that Luke did not want to be the reason that Colonel Mayer would spend the rest of his life in jail. He never wanted that to come between them. Ever.

Lucy was finally asleep, but Noah did not want to put her down. He just could not get enough of his daughter. **_His_** daughter. Lucy was nearly four months old now and he could not get over the concept of his daughter. When he had finally let Luke talk him into adopting, he still was hesitant. They had two prospective mothers say no because they were two men and not a "traditional" couple. Just thinking about it was enough to make Noah angry all over again. It wasn't until he was on the way home from another meeting with their adoption lawyer that he had a brilliant idea, but he wanted to wait to see what he could find out first.

Two days later he sprung it on Luke.

* * *

Luke was driving back from Chicago after meeting with agent. His first novel had been published two years prior to rave reviews and it was in talks of being made into a movie. He had to negotiate the rights and he had an interview with _Good Morning America_ via satellite. He could not wait to get back to see Noah. They had been away from each other for two whole days and he was itching to see those blue eyes. They drove to Chicago to see their lawyer and then Luke had to stay over for stupid work meetings. He wished he could do everything via video conference. He was pulling into their driveway when a rush of calm washed over him. He always got this feeling when he came home. He told Noah once many years ago that he loved their first apartment because it was theirs. He felt that way now. As soon as the doors were locked it was just them and nothing could beat that. He looked at their house and just stared. They had found the house about five years ago and were surprised how perfect it was. It was a two story farm house with just a little bit of farm land left, but it was enough for them. They decided to move a little bit away from Oakdale. Closer enough so that family could visit, but far enough away so that it wasn't every day. The place needed work. It looked like it had not been lived in about a year. Noah was willing to do a lot of the work himself, but Luke's family wouldn't hear of it. Every day there was another Snyder over to help them make their home _theirs_. Holden did a lot of work on it, as did Jack. Luke was glad to see that Noah and his family had bonded even more as the house took shape. Luke, with the help of all the Snyder women, did the décor. The white farmhouse with blue shutters never looked better.

Luke was fumbling with his laptop bag, his suitcase, and another bag when he was able to get the door open. He dropped all of his luggage near the door and pushed the door shut with his foot.

"Noah!" He called out. He dropped his keys in the bowl near the door and grabbed the mail off side table. "Noah? You home?" He yelled not looking up from the stack he thumbed through. After deciding nothing looked interesting, he hung his coat up and toed off his shoes. He could not wait to get out of his suit and into a comfy pair of Noah's jogging pants. If Noah wasn't careful, soon Luke was going to acquisition all of Noah's workout clothes. He pulled off his tie as he walked through the living room. Still no sign of Noah. He walked into the kitchen and saw him standing at the stove with his back to doorway. He was busy cooking something. Luke stood in the doorway and just watched him.

He loved his husband so much he could not stand it.

Noah was busy moving from the stove to the counter to the fridge and back again. Luke bit his lip to keep from laughing at how cute Noah looked in the apron Aaron got them as a house warming gift. The "Guess what's cookin' under my apron!" made Luke giggle every time. Noah turned to grab a spoon from the silverware drawer, which brought him right up to Luke, and the brunette jumped.

"AHH! You scared me!"

"I couldn't help it you look so cute when you're concentrating," Luke said as he stepped into the kitchen and to Noah. He slipped his arm around Noah neck and Noah slipped his around Luke's waist. "Hi."

"Hi," Noah answered and gave him a 1000 watt smile. The smile that made Luke's spine tingle; every time. Luke pulled Noah to him for a slow, soft kiss. He felt his knees shake a little and heart beat a little faster. Noah pulled away when he saw that his carefully planned dinner was about to boil over. Noah went back to his cooking and Luke looked over his shoulder and perused his husband's handiwork.

There were two freshly grilled steaks in the warming drawer while biscuits baked in the oven. There was a pot with recently mashed potatoes on one burner. And it looked like Grandma Emma's homemade gravy on the other. All of Luke's favorites. What was up?

After dinner they sat at their kitchen table and basked in one of the best meals they had ever had. Luke leaned forward and took one of Noah's hands in his.

"Not that I don't love all this, but why the cooking extravaganza?"

"Well, I was rethinking this whole adoption thing," Noah said and Luke's heart broke. He was having second thoughts. He knew this would happen. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Noah would be such an amazing dad and Luke hated that he wouldn't realize it. Luke let go of Noah's hand and stood up. He went to the sink and started doing dishes. Noah was confused. Luke hated the dishes, what just happened here?

"Luke? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Luke said and sniffled a little; he was not going to cry. He was too upset to be angry.

"Talk to me." Noah said as he leaned forward and put his hands on the counter; one on each of Luke, boxing him in.

"It's just you would be such an amazing dad, I just wish you could see it," Luke said as he rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. Noah realized how Luke took what he said.

"I'm an idiot," he mumbled to himself. "Baby, look at me," he pushed and Luke turned around in Noah's arms. He could see fresh tears had fallen, but Luke was fighting to keep them at bay. He moved his hands to the small of Luke's back and then locked his fingers together. "I didn't change my mind."

"Huh? You said…,"

"I said I was rethinking the adoption thing. Come here," he took Luke's hands and pulled him towards the table. Noah sat down and Luke sat in his lap; his arms wrapped around the blonde. "I have an idea. What if we have a baby?"

"Unless you have a uterus I don't know about, that is not going to happen,"

"I was thinking we borrow one. Like Faith's," Luke looked at his husband in amazement. "I already asked her and she is thrilled to help us. I would be the biological father, but this way the baby would part of both of us. Blood related to you and me. No one would ever be able to come back and try to take the baby away, which we were both worried about. What do you say?" Noah asked and he started to chew on the inside of his lower lip.

"I think that I love you so much that I can't even speak right now."

"I love you too. Is that a yes?"

"Yes!"

* * *

Noah slowly lowered his small daughter into her crib and turned on her mobile. "Rock-a-Bye-Baby" started to play and Noah pulled her blanket up to her chest. She was such a little angel. The second he held her she became daddy's girl. The Snyder family teased Luke all through the pregnancy that he was going to spoil her rotten, but as soon as Noah held her, he was a goner. No, Noah will be the one that will spoil her silly. He never thought it was possible to love someone so much, but Lucy proved that wrong.

"Sleep well, Lucinda Emma Mayer. I love you so much," he said very softy. He picked up the baby monitor and softly closed the door. He went back into the den and sat at his desk. He leaned back in the chair and looked about the room. The room that he shared with Luke. They each had a desk with laptops on each. Noah's iMac looked space age compare to Luke's Hp. The things in this room were a testament to the life that Luke and he had together. He looked to his right and saw seven framed documents. Each with different dates and from different states, but each very important. The first six were obtained on a two week trip around the country he and Luke took eight years ago. First was New Hampshire, second was Vermont, then Connecticut, next was Massachusetts, Washington D.C. was fifth, and then Iowa. The seventh one was from a trip to Toronto on their fifth anniversary. It was Luke's idea. They couldn't get married in Illinois yet, so they decided to get married in each state that would let them. Noah liked to joke that he's been married seven times to the same man.

The left side of the room there were two framed posters. The one that Luke gave him for Valentine's Day nearly 12 years ago, his copy of _The Best Years of Our Lives_. The other was a little more important. The frame held _There and Back Again_ , the feature length version of Noah's student film. Directed by Noah Mayer and written by Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer. After he won at the student film festival, there was a bit of buzz about his movie. Copies were being handed around to different production companies, but when Jonathan Demme got it, he wanted Noah to direct a longer version to be released. Noah insisted that Luke be hired to help with the rewrite.

Underneath the poster hung Noah's invites to Sundance and Cannes. He did win Audience Award at Sundance, but Noah really meant it when he said it was honor to be asked.

It was after _There and Back Again_ , when Luke's career took off too. He was asked to re-write several blockbusters; James Cameron vowed to never speak to either of them afterwards. He was asked to adapt a couple novels for the screen and he was even asked to co-write a film with Edward Norton. In the middle of all of that, Luke was finally able to finish the novel he started in his apartment in Chicago called _Love Denied_. The cover jacket for Luke's novel was hanging right next to Noah's first movie poster.

Noah laughed slightly as he thought about how their lives had changed since they met each other. He realized that their biggest successes were because of each other. Noah first film was made better by the man that was asleep in their bedroom. Luke's first novel was about their love affair. Noah knew that he would be nothing without Luke and he bet Luke would say the same about Noah. It was interesting how things work out.

Noah heard fussing from the baby monitor and then heard Luke's shushing voice.

His family was up and he didn't want to be anywhere else. He picked up the baby monitor and walked down the hall to his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that there are more states that recognize same-sex marriage, but when i originally wrote this, there were only six.  
> I didn't want to change the flow too much by editing that part.
> 
> Only more chapter to go.


	38. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it.  
> Not the first story, but definitely the first one I fully finished.  
> Hope you enjoyed it.

Lucy sat in the admissions office waiting for her turn. She had already seen two kids leave in tears. She had heard stories about admissions advisors tormenting kids that come in for interviews. Lucy always thought it was an old wives' tale, but now she was even more nervous. She was suddenly glad that she told her dad that her appointment was next week. She didn't need him fussing over her and making her even more nervous. She and her daddy would explain it to him after he came back from his business trip. She managed to get daddy to stay away from the campus while she had her interview. He would probably be just as bad, if he let himself.

Her foot tapped on the floor and she chewed on her bottom lip; dreading her name being called.

"Lucinda Mayer?" Said a woman's voice. Lucy looked up and saw a polite looking woman with tortoise-shell glasses and curly hair in a loose pony-tail. She reminded her of Aunt Maddie. Lucy picked up her bag and rose to her feet.

"That's me. You can call me Lucy,"

"I'm Amanda.  Why don't you come on in?" The woman said as she stepped aside to let Lucy enter her office first. Lucy walked in and she took in her surroundings. The office reminded her of her dad's side of the den. There were books stacked on the floor in little rows along one wall under the window; just like her dad. He swore that he knew exactly what they all were. It was a system that only he understood. Lucy suddenly wondered if Amanda was like that. She sat down in front of the desk and saw a stack of unopened mail that looked like a light breath of wind would knock it over. Which was nothing compared to the stack of opened mail on the opposite side the desk.

"Well, Lucy, as I said I'm Amanda Wesson," she reached out and shook Lucy's hand. Lucy prayed that her hands weren't sweaty. "How are you today?"

"I'm good, thank you. I'm nervous," she kicked herself for admitting that out loud.

"I promise to make this as painless as possible. Let's start with a little background information. From your questionnaire it says that your father is Noah Mayer, not the director?"

"Yeah. But he's just daddy to me,"

"Wow, a celebrity in the family. That must have been something growing up," the woman asked as she leaned back in her chair.

"My parents made sure that my life is as normal as could be. I was raised on a farm north of here and I went to public school in Oakdale. My dad's family is huge which was great when I growing up. They kept them grounded,"

"Them?"

"My dads. My daddy is Noah Mayer and my dad is Luke Snyder,"

"The writer? I think I have read everything he's ever written,"

"Yeah, I hated it when he use to correct my English homework," Lucy said and Amanda laughed. "He taught me early on about expressing myself with words. He has been writing since he was in high school and he always said, _"If you can't tell anyone how you feel, who's going to listen?"_ I was very lucky to grow up in a very creative house,"

"What kinds of things did you like to do growing up?"

"Well, movies were huge in my house, especially my daddy. He loves old movies. Every Saturday was movie night. He would sit for hours and explain how everything worked and why they were made this way or that. I don't think we ever watched a movie made before 1970. My friends loved it when I had sleepovers. My grandpa bred horses so I got to ride whenever I wanted. I also learned responsibility that way as well; he taught me how to take care of them to be sure that they were fed and groomed. I can saddle a horse in two minutes flat."  She bragged and Amanda chuckled lightly.  "My dad loved to read to me. He told me that there was nothing more perfect than a well written book. When I came into your office and I saw your books, I immediately thought of my dad. He has his books stacked the same way," Lucy said and Amanda laughed.

* * *

Noah was walking around the campus. He had imagined what the place would look like, but to actually be here. It wasn't anything extra special. He had built it up so much in his mind, that to really see it. He had called Will after he left Lucy at the admissions office and made plans for him and Lucy to have dinner with Uncle Will and Uncle Scott before they drove home. To think that Will and Scott have been married as long as he and Luke. He was aimlessly wandering when his cell rang. He pulled it from his pocket and laughed when he saw the display.

"Hey honey,"

"Hi. I tried the house, I thought you working from your studio today," Luke said as he leaned back into his bed in his hotel room. He had pulled off his tie and kicked off his shoes. He was on yet another press junket. It was supposed to last the rest of this week and part of the next. He made sure that he would be free next weekend for Lucy's college visit and interview. He just wanted to be at home with his husband and his daughter, for as long as she was still home.

"Oh, I was, but Lucy and I are shopping in Old Towne," he said hoping he sounded convincing.

"What's going on?" Luke asked, he wasn't buying it.

"Whatta mean?"

"You guys hate shopping. Especially Lucy. What are you really up to?" Luke asked and then stood to pace his hotel room. He and Noah had been together for nearly thirty years, he knew when he was lying. Noah winced; he'd been caught. He and Lucy should have thought a better lie before they did this.

"We're in Evanston, at her college interview,"

"WHAT?!"

"I'm sorry baby, she begged me not to tell you,"

"What? Why?"

"Because you have a tendency to get worked up and that would have made her even more nervous," Noah said as carefully as he could. He didn't want to hurt Luke or make him even madder than he already was.

"I don't believe this. My husband and own my daughter are plotting against me," Luke said as he threw up his hands.

"No baby, that's not what this is. She just wanted to do this all her own. You know you. You would have tried to help; sat in the office with her before her interview; met her interviewer. Lucy just wanted handle it by herself,"

Luke wanted to be angry; he really did. But as Noah's words rolled around in his head, he realized they were right. Luke has always been the more protective of the two parents. The first time he saw Lucy on a horse, he nearly had a coronary. When she was born, he baby-proofed everything, even though she was only seven pounds and couldn't even hold her head up.

"Luke, are you there? Baby talk to me," Noah was almost pleading. Sure they had their fair share of fights in the marriage, but when it came to Lucy they were always a united front. Making all the decisions together. Luke let out a long breath. His shoulders slumped and he sat down hard on the edge of the bed.

"You're right. I just want to take care of her,"

"She knows that. Baby, sometimes your heart is just too big. She promised me that she would call you as soon as she was finished. You can be mad at me all you want, but just trust her decision,"

"I know; I will. I love you," Luke said softly and Noah relaxed. At least Luke wasn't too mad at him right now. They had had a few big fights in their long relationship. There was the famous fight in San Francisco during the press junket for _There and Back Again_. They didn't speak to each other for two days, but the make-up sex in Dallas was unbelievable. Noah still got hard when he thought about it. Neither one could even remember what the fight was about.

"I love you too baby. She will call you as soon as I see her,"

"Ok. Bye,"

"Bye,"

* * *

"So, Lucy, why should you be granted admission to Northwestern?" Amanda asked her final question. She was greatly impressed by the 17 year old. She was honest, funny, sweet and quite charming. She was raised by two very capable parents and they molded an excellent young woman. Amanda had seen many different kids sit in that chair and this was one of the rare times that she had made her decision before she even got to end of the interview.

"Well," Lucy said and her mind rolled back to everything she and Amanda discussed in the last forty-five minutes. Her crazy huge family, her over-protective, but extremely loving parents, her childhood, her favorite activities, her future and it all came flooding back to her. And she had her answer. "You know, you shouldn't,"

Amanda looked visibly confused, almost aghast by the sudden change in Lucy's demeanor.

"I would be honored to be granted admission; I mean this is my daddy's dream school. I have always wanted to come here, but thinking about everything that we just talked about. I think I belong somewhere else. Thank you so much of helping me realize this. And thank you for your time. I'm sorry if it was a waste,"

"Oh, trust me Lucy, it wasn't. If you change your mind, I am almost positive that there will be a place for you here next fall,"

"Thank you," Lucy stood up and shook Amanda's hands before she left the office. She had to find her daddy and she had to do it now. She hurried out of the building and out into the open air. She thought she left him just out here. She fished out her cell phone and hit her speed dial. It rang twice and he picked up.

"Lucy?"

"Daddy, where are you?"

"I'm on my way back to the admissions building. Is your interview done?"

"Yeah, and I have to tell you something,"

Lucy sat on the steps and waited for him to return. She was so excited that she couldn't contain herself. She bit on the inside of her bottom lip; her knee bounced; and her foot tapped. Anyone would have thought she was just another nervous applicant. She saw him come around a curve and casually walk toward her. Lucy jumped to her feet and ran straight at him. She jumped into his arms and hugged him tight around the neck. As much as Noah loved to get hugs from his only child, he wondered why she was so happy to see him.

"What happened?" He asked; expecting the worst. Lucy loosened her hold and Noah put her back on her feet.

"Nothing. I got in, well, she said she's almost positive that I'm in,"

"Really! That's great! Oh, sweetie and I am so proud of you! We have to call your dad," Noah said as he pulled out his cell and was about to call Luke.

"No wait. I have to tell you something," Noah closed his cell and looked at his daughter, unsure of what she was doing.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm not going to Northwestern. And I know that you may be angry, but…I'm gonna call dad," Lucy was all over the place. She was talking a mile a minute and couldn't stand still. If he didn't know her as well as he did, he'd think she was on something. She took out her cell and called Luke.  She started speaking as soon as she hear him pick up.

"Dad, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about my interview being this week. But I think I have some news that will make you not be mad at me," she paused and Noah watched her face light up. "I'm going to OU,"

"What!"

"What!" Both her dads said at the same time.

Lucy went on to explain that her family was too important to move away when she could stay in Oakdale and go to school. She didn't want to be away from everyone she knew. She would still be living on campus, but she wanted to stay. She didn't realize how important her family was until she spent the last forty-five minutes telling the woman in there so. Noah was picturing Luke doing a happy dance in the hotel room and Lucy was almost doing one too. He smiled at his daughter as she said goodbye to her dad and put her phone away.

"Well, I know of one CJ Hughes who will be extremely excited that you will be going to OU with him,"

"Daddy stop, he's one of my best friends," she said as she slipped her arm through his and they walked towards that car.

"Hey, your dad and I were friends first, Uncle Will and Uncle Scott were best friends, Casey and Alli…should I continue?"

"You've made your point. Come on we need to meet Will and Scott," she said hoping to shush her dad. Noah pulled his arm away and wrapped it around his daughter's shoulders. He would tease his husband later about how excited he was about Lucy choosing to stay closer to home, but inside…he was over the moon.

* * *

Luke hung up after talking his daughter about her staying home and going to school in Oakdale. The last time he had been this happy was the day that Lucy was born. He sat down at the desk in hotel room and opened his laptop.

And started to type.

* * *

Faith was nearly ten months pregnant and was miserable. At first she loved being pregnant. She loved that she could eat whatever she wanted. She loved the attention, she was a middle child it came with the territory. She loved that she was making her brothers so happy that she would never be able to top this gift. She loved Luke and Noah so much that she didn't even need to think about it when Noah asked, but after 275 days, she just wanted this thing out of her. They had decided to induce her and her contractions were coming on real quickly.

She suddenly hated her brothers!

_What was she thinking?_

Luke was by her side the entire time. He held her hand; fed her ice chips; took all the hateful remarks without batting an eye. He also held her when she cried and begged him to knock her out. But she also saw the look on Luke's face when he first held Lucy. That one look was more than enough to make up for the last ten hours.

Faith was asleep as was Noah and Lily. Luke just could not sleep, not when the most perfect child ever created was sleeping in the same room. Luke picked her up and just looked at her. She had his light hair and Noah's cute nose. She got Faith's chin and Luke prayed that she got Noah's eyes. He held his entire future in his hands. Lucy was definitely the love of his life and he would spend the rest of his life making her happy. He watched her the rest of the night until he finally fell asleep at about 4am. A couple hours later he woke up and saw Noah feeding her.

There they were.

The two loves of his life.

**THE END!**


End file.
